General How Does A Ptsd Sufferer Face Their Demons?

[Apollo1]

If a PTSD sufferer was involved in a trauma event that involved a gun, does it make sense to get to the point where perhaps the sight and sound of a gun no longer makes them relive the event and feel an attack come on? In other words, is it a good idea to get to the point where the person can watch movies with guns and handle a loaded weapon, where it doesn't effect them? Seems like if the person can conquer their fear and then get back on the horse and actually embrace their fear by shooting a weapon, watching a movie with guns, and maybe even playing video games with guns, that it might help with not only the fear that arises when exposure to such things happens to take place, but also might help with PTSD in general with the anger and other symptoms in every day life.

Here's what happened with my fiance, so you have an idea of her background:

When she was 15, her friend was murdered at point blank range with a handgun shot to the head. My fiance was standing so close to her friend, that she got covered in blood and brain matter, and was almost hit by the bullet as it traveled through her friend's skull. The murderer was a fellow female classmate who didn't like her friend talking to her boyfriend at school, got jealous, and hunted her friend down as they played together. To make matters worse, my fiance's mother tried to deny that anything ever happened, and refused to talk to her about the instance, even though my fiance had crime scene pictures of the event, had to testify in court, and the murderer was sent to jail. Her mother is a very difficult individual that does not know how to communicate very well. Has a tough time showing effection. My fiance got some counseling at school from a counselor after a couple weeks, but she said the guy wasn't very much help at all, and she wasn't in any mood to share much with him.

 

[AdamAnt]

I think that's probably a decision best left to a therapist Apollo. That is one type of therapy among many...don't expect her to "just get back on the horse" anytime soon, though. There's no fast track to where you want her to be, you can't force it. I understand how you feel...I've been there.

 

[kers]

Seems like if the person can conquer their fear and then get back on the horse and actually embrace their fear by shooting a weapon, watching a movie with guns, and maybe even playing video games with guns, that it might help with not only the fear that arises when exposure to such things happens to take place, but also might help with PTSD in general with the anger and other symptoms in every day life.

It would seem that way to others, I think, but PTSD is not a disorder that behaves logically. Resolving PTSD is, at least in my experience, much less about conquering fear than about learning to tolerate with it. It never leaves, it jsut gets more manageable. The problem with PTSD is that it's not just that long-ago trauma that's causing problems; the memories that haunt you every day retraumatize you so that it's fresh--the trauma just happened, or so it feels. That's why "getting back on the horse" isn't an option. If it were that easy, none of us would be ill.

That's not say that people don't become more able to tolerate major triggers and reduce symptoms significantly. I and many others have done this. But, as AdamAnt says, how that happens is definitely a call for your fiancee to make with the help of a therapist.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Apollo, what it really boils down to is simple. Do you accept her as she is, without condition? Or, do you have conditions set that you are expecting her to live up to or...

Healthy Love is acceptance of someone as they are.

Expectations of them being different, and trying to manipulate them to try to force them into being our idea of what they should be isn't love, it's co-dependence.

If she had developed diabetes, would you be expecting her pancreas to 'just get back on the horse'?

 

[Mina]

In other words, is it a good idea to get to the point where the person can watch movies with guns and handle a loaded weapon, where it doesn't effect them? Seems like if the person can conquer their fear and then get back on the horse and actually embrace their fear by shooting a weapon, watching a movie with guns, and maybe even playing video games with guns...

What you're referring to here is exposure therapy. It can be a great tool, but it's also rather difficult and exhausting; for certain, it must happen at whatever pace is right for the person, and with the proper support network. While it can indeed be very helpful, it should not be the only therapy the sufferer engages in because it churns up all kinds of emotions, feelings, and reactions/responses you need help to deal with (or in learning how to deal with them). How much it helps or not I think it depends on a lot of things, including the sufferer's natural personality, the nature and severity of the trauma, what ties the trauma may have to past experiences (positive or negative), support network, desire and willingness to place yourself in threatening situations so as to be exposed to triggers, etc.

Like Kers said, much of what develops in part is a tolerance of triggers. For example, my journey started with a severe bite from my husband's Akita three years ago. I can now tolerate and not be stressed or triggered by things which were an issue a couple years back...I even got my own dog. Doesn't mean I'm not sometimes uneasy, though, but I was never a dog person before all this happened, either (in fact, I'm more one now than I was then!). Other things which were rooted deep in my pre-PTSD past - like the sight of blood - have shown that they will be a lifelong struggle in certain contexts. For me, I can handle seeing it in movies or in person if it's in a proper, logical context, but not sudden, out-of-context, or gratuitous. You may find the same with your fiancee - each bit and piece of the trauma can respond differently to therapy and coping mechanisms, and there may be separate degrees of healing and tolerance for each.

 

[snugglepuss]

First, I want to say congrats on you being on here! That shows that you are a supportive person who really wants to understand.

If it makes you feel any better, I live with cPTSD, and I still don't have a great handle on the damn thing. Why sometimes I am way better with certain things, why other days without any kind of warning I am reduced to an angry, volatile, anxiety ridden mess.

Exposure therapy is not for everyone who lives with PTSD. Just like not all medications will work for all people. PTSD is never completely "cured". Exposure therapy is one small part of the treatment plan that some people will use to learn to live with PTSD. It is almost never utilized without there being several co-occurring treatments going on at the same time. Things like making sure that medications are stablized, the person has a good support system in place (friends, family, other survivors, etc), and that the person has a good ability to use coping skills they have learned. It is also a therapy that is meant to be done under the care of a qualified therapist.

Has your fiancee been able to find a therapist she feels comfortable with since the school counsellor? What kind of professional support does she have in her life at this time?

I think one of the things that pisses me off the most about PTSD is that the symptoms pop up whenever they want. I can have the best coping skills in the world in place and be comfortable using them, but I have no control over when they come. The intrusive thoughts and nightmares wear down my soul.

 

[Sethe]

If a PTSD sufferer was involved in a trauma event that involved a gun, does it make sense to get to the point where perhaps the sight and sound of a gun no longer makes them relive the event and feel an attack come on? In other words, is it a good idea to get to the point where the person can watch movies with guns and handle a loaded weapon, where it doesn't effect them? Seems like if the person can conquer their fear and then get back on the horse and actually embrace their fear by shooting a weapon, watching a movie with guns, and maybe even playing video games with guns, that it might help with not only the fear that arises when exposure to such things happens to take place, but also might help with PTSD in general with the anger and other symptoms in every day life.

Interesting statement.

PTSD is not a logical beast. It's got twists and turns, hidey holes and dead ends. Sometimes it gets up on the 'right' side of the bed and sometimes it doesn't.

In my experience, it has helped me the most to have someone in my life who is understanding, compassionate and not pushy. Unfortunately, it took me a bit of time to find someone like that and I ran through a bunch of people who did not 'have my best interests in mind.'

It would be pretty darn neat to come up with a formula which would tell us how much time would be needed for recovery (when a person would be 'fixed'), but I think a lot of us know that it just doesn't exist. And if there is such a formula it hasn't been discovered. There is no simple fix. You can't measure a trauma and dictate x amount of time to 'get over it.' Every trauma is different. Every person is different. There is NOT a linear relationship between trauma, people and recovery time.

It just doesn't work that way.

And if it does work that way, will someone please let me know so that I can get over this shit?

Thanks.

 

[Sethe]

Triggered.

I was thinking about this thread and I realized that I need to address something for my sanity and to give my past recognition to help myself.

I was somewhat triggered by this thread due to events that happened in my past. My exhusband tried to 'help' me too with my 'anxiety' through exposure therapy. He thought that I shouldn't take 'baby steps' (as my T at the time suggested and had to remind him when he became frustrated and resentful that there was something 'wrong' with me). He thought that I could take leaps and bounds in order to 'take more risks' and feel better about my life. He wanted me to hurry the hell up because, apparently, I was cramping his style and he just wasn't getting the attention he wanted.

Unfortunately for me, his idea of 'exposure therapy' (and if you think about it, there is an obvious pun) involved events that only led to feed his sick, twisted desires and did not help me at all. (As a result, I became more anxious, lost more self esteem [if that was even possible] denied my needs and only fulfilled his.) Why? Because his intent was to not help me- it was a clever coverup to feed his sickness.

I have noticed that there are other threads posted here about 'how to help someone' with PTSD (or CPTSD) using a 'do-it-yourself' mentality. People are not houses. You cannot 'fix' a person as you would unclog a sink, replace siding or recarpet a floor.

In my opinion, it is best to have a neutral party assist in therapy. I have had other people (mainly codependents who were not Ts) try to 'help' me (this was especially bad with family members) and I have learned that it is just not a good idea for me to do that.

I can understand the urge of a family member (or someone else who is close) to help a loved one, as long as it is genuine and purely altruistic, unfortunately, that has not been my experience.

When it comes to PTSD and other psychological 'ailments', I think exposure therapy is best left up to qualified professionals.

 

[Tinyflame]

I realize 'there is no gain without pain', but I have come to the conclusion facing 'traumas' is about all the pain I can effectively handle.
I have found that oddly enough, that which makes me feel better, -makes me feel better! (provided it's a healthy coping option).

Step-wise (baby step) exposure has been effective only provided I had a safe 'place' (literally-physically, or in my 'head', or a safe 'person' there, or all 3), and grounding techniques, and some sort of 'healthy' coping skills or opportunities to access- otherwise it's made matters substantially worse. JMHO.