How Have Others Gone With "inner Child" Work???

[I am .....]

I've been doing some 'Inner Child' work with my T and she's been talking about orienting my little self to the here and now and I feel stuck like I'm playing a tug of war with her. Has anyone experienced anything like this or what has happened when you've managed to orient the little self. I would really really appreciate different opinions or experiences on this if your willing to share.

 

[marylouise]

Do you mean that you feel like you're playing a game of "Tug & War" with your therapist or with your "little self"?

 

[zeckster81]

I've been doing some 'Inner Child' work with my T and she's been talking about orienting my little self to the here and now and I feel stuck like I'm playing a tug of war with her. Has anyone experienced anything like this or what has happened when you've managed to orient the little self. I would really really appreciate different opinions or experiences on this if your willing to share.

I gave each part a safe place to go to, then I created a meeting place thats safe for everyone. When I want to talk with a part I invite them to the meeting place and speak with them. I do this through journaling mostly. I have rules for the meeting place, no yelling, harming, etc. I only spend 15 to 30 minutes. Sometimes things get resolved and other times they don't. when they don't i send them back to their safe places and schedule a time to meet again. In the meeting I find out why they are apprehensive, scared, what are their reservations etc. Usually we come to conclusions about things, but sometimes there are second and third meetings.

Please ask questions if this is confusing.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Hey I am!

stuck like I'm playing a tug of war with her

In reference to this question IF it concerns the inner child...yes that was one of my experiences. I am practicing trying to calm my inner child (kind of right now) as I am trying to dissipate fear. So I thought I post here for a bit to you and then settle into the now of the feeling.
Sometimes the armor of my inner child-self...has trust issues. After all in some ways, I had to squash her cries in order to survive and placate the real "others" in control of the ugly situation. So from time to time...it is like she test me to make sure that I will not abandon her again in face of danger. I reassure her, that I am stronger and bigger now...and after emergence or bonding a little the compartmentalization of feelings...the tug of war slows down.

Now off I go to sit in my feelings for a bit. lol:cautious:

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@I am I struggled in early therapy with the whole concept of my 'Inner Child'

Since then with my writings and through interaction on the forum I have sucessfully managed to identify that he is not a seperate entity from myself but a part of me who was unsafe and scared.

Now he and I play games together, primarily in the chat room on here with other users.

I had a huge power struggle with my 'Little Laurie' in the early days of therapy but having written down the traumas he suffered (however graphic they were) I have managed to calm him down.

Now that he feels safe I too feel safe and can deal with all the traumas I and he suffered together.

Welcome to the forum and kindest :hug:s

Laurie

 

[Meadowsweet]

My inner child didn't trust me, and certainly didn't want to talk to me. As an adult I've hated it when she's come up, and also have a tendency to blame her stupidity for getting me into abusive situations as an adult. She represented all the abuse, emotions, neediness and everything that my adult self tries not to be. So I have always been quite horrible of her and rejecting of her.

I've learned to recognise her now, and am more nurturing towards her. It does help.

The work I did was to write letters to my inner child, and it has opened up a kind of dialogue.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

When I first started therapy my inner child was dead or asleep. Now I pay attention to my needs and wants more and more and try to fulfill them the best I can or arrange to meet them later on.

I never did much work with the inner child but I am now recognizing that when I really need something, I had better pay attention or I will find myself all distorted and have a rough go of it.

 

[Notsowild]

I struggle too with the whole "inner child" concept. I'm probably a little fearful too. My childhood was horrific. I hate to find her all scared and not know how to handle it. How necessary is this? Anyone have any bad experiences? Can you still live life while doing this? Should you do it with a therapist?

 

[shell]

I got a lot out of inner child work, I learnt to be more caring and compassionate, to accept my feelings, and to stop attacking my self as I had a really vicious self critic. I made a lot of changes in my life as a result of being more understanding from inner child work, I no longer belived I was to blame for my abuse, or that I was defective.

It changed my thoughts, I no longer have suicidal thoughts, as part of an overall approach it was well worth the effort. I thought it was really dumb at first. I used the non dominate handwritting to dialogue, with the child being my non dominate hand, it also helps to open up the emotional side of the brain when you feel numb.

 

[I am .....]

Do you mean that you feel like you're playing a game of "Tug & War" with your therapist or with your "little self"?

It's a tug of war so to speak with my little self. Feels like, when my T says to let her know she's safe and tell her what year it is and to try and orient her to the here and now, she's pulling because she doesn't want me to go. If that clarifies your question and makes sense.[DOUBLEPOST=1402136792,1402136498][/DOUBLEPOST]Has anyone successfully oriented their 'little one' to the here and now?? I'd be interested in hearing how it went!

 

[Meadowsweet]

Has anyone successfully oriented their 'little one' to the here and now?? I'd be interested in hearing how it went!

I don't understand what you mean here?

I think the child self has remained a child, and the adult self has been created separately to enable me to be an adult. I see it that the adult has to take responsibility for the child, as a mother would. But the child self doesn't need to be here and now, because this isn't her world anymore, it's the adult world. So yes, she can be accepted as a part of life here and now, but she can't live life here and now, because this is the grown up world. I'm sorry if that isn't what you meant, it's just my take on it.

 

[digger]

Has anyone successfully oriented their 'little one' to the here and now?? I'd be interested in hearing how it went!

I'm a bit confused by this. My understanding is that it's your adult self you need to orient to the here and now rather than being drawn back to the past and confusing your feelings with that of the child. The inner child belongs in childhood. You can comfort her there and reassure her there and give her the messages she needed to receive back then. I'm not sure what the purpose of bringing her into the here and now is?