Got to agree, excellent post @bellbird :)
And too @Mee I see it as soothing and self harm both.
Is a lot worse for me lately, aggravated by side effects of mirtazapine for sure.
But I'm aware too I'm trying to bury my head in the sand somewhat as got a lot of stress and big changes coming up. Also am dog dog dog tired of trying to pick myself up again after more abuse by Mr.
ah. And there is another factor. My father - certainly somewhat involved in childhood trauma and somewhat cantankerous- lives with us. Trying to eat when he is around is difficult for me so I find myself eating when he goes out .
I am self care/disciplining to insist on better routine for myself right now- I am making my myself eat once every day.
I don’t class my father as ‘abusive’ - ? Emotionally abusive yes. But it would be too much to say DV .
Living with an abusive partner I think would make it even more difficult to self regulate. I’m really sorry you are going through this ?
I also lost joy in cooking with PTSD- something I had loved. And feeling safe in the kitchen at all if my dad is at home . He is away for a month starting tomorrow. I am pushing my boundaries this month with a whole load of recipes that fit specific criteria - partly to eat healthily, to enjoy my kitchen but also to feel ease in my kitchen.
I know in the past meal planning always has worked best for me - and doing that over a fortnight basis not a week. Combined with lots of ‘ritual’ around eating - beautifully laid table, lit candles etc. These are all things that do not feel safe in an unsafe home.