How Have You Dealt With Persistent Hopelessness?

[NatBird]

I am feeling consistently hopeless.

I have good days, reasonable days etc. but underneath there's always this feeling of hopelessness/pointlessness. A feeling that the efforts I am making to heal are nothing more than ways to play out time. This has been peristent over the last two and a half to three years.

I keep thinking this feeling is inviting me to drop the effort, do nothing (wu wei) and watch what happens. Unfortunately and unsurprisingly I don't trust enough to release control enough to see what would happen. Also there's something in me that won't just let me curl up and die. Something that wants to fight whilst the rest of me is collapsed. (Maybe the part of me that is addicted/attached to struggle?)

Does anyone feel like this? Had anyone felt like this for a prolonged period? What helped you hang in there and stay with it? How did things change?

Apologies if this is a downer but I'm practicing sharing how I am feeling and reaching out.

From the part of me that wants to live,

NatBird

 

[Silver.]

I don't go through this, so I cannot offer advice, but I offer you an ear, I am listening, a shoulder, and encouragement, for sharing, and to the special part of you that wants to fight to live x *hugs to you my friend*

 

[NatBird]

@Silver. Thank you:)

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Yes, I do feel that way sometimes. It seems like I've done so much hard work towards healing and then something happens that sends me so many steps backwards. I get lost and all sorts of triggers and fears come rushing in.

What helps me most? Being here for one, but often when this happens, my therapist encourages me to drop the "work" and redirect my focus on the small things in my environment that simply bring relaxation and pleasure.

For me, that means lighting a scented candle, make a warm drink and curl up in a comfy chair, take out my rabbit, take a nap, shower just to cry if necessary... I seem to need permission to let down.

That seems to help to slowly "empty" my plate and gradually recharge the batteries...or resurrect the seriously stubborn side of me.

 

[Friday]

I have to remind myself fairly frequently that there doesn't have to be a point. Is it easier when there is one? Yep. But there have been lots of times in the past where there was just no f*cking point, for a long time, and then? There was. So there's no point right now. Hasn't been for awhile. But now isn't forever. Everything is temporary. So I just keep moving. I'll find a point eventually. Even if I have to run into it face first, or trip over the f*cker. Until then? Just gotta keep moving.

As far as hope goes? Personally I don't believe in hope. Feeling good about something that hasn't happened yet? I suppose is fine and dandy. But I'd far rather feel good about something real, something that is actually happening, no matter how small, and be working to make the changes in my life that I need to, to make my life better. Not pinning my hopes on someday. f*ck someday. Let's work on right now! :D Ditto, the crushing weight of losing hope? Dashed hopes? Being unhappy about something that hasnt happened yet? :confused: :banghead: :wtf: No thank you! Plenty of real things for me to be unhappy about, without adding phantoms! Nope. Cheque please! Hope can bite me.

 

[Seasounds]

@NatBird , hi, yes I awaken to this every morning, and have a bunch of ways that I will happily share that have helped me. I will share them all later this week, and...

...for now I will share one that seems almost embarrassingly self-centered, but it helps make me the center of my hope. (No need to rely on others for the Main part of your hope. People are inconsistent, so if I can be consistent with myself, it helps turn around persistant hopelessness.)

After I brush my teeth each day, I get close to the mirror, and as I gently stroke my face, I say aloud, "I forgive you (my name), I love you, I believe in you."

The above exercise has helped me in so many ways, including after I cry or release anger, about what is bothering me-from the past or present. It is a way to take back, being in charge of what I think about myself, by each morning, offerring myself a bit of hope, that is consistent, that is mine.

Look for another post from me later in the week. Sending hope to you!:hug:

 

[NatBird]

@NatBird , hi, yes I awaken to this every morning, and have a bunch of ways that I wi...

@Vandya that's amazing. I feel like what you just shared affirmed something.

I was just doing some mirror work! I have been avoiding this but decided that I will commit to for seven days.

Thank you for sharing your process and the hope:) I look forward to hearing more. Have a goodun'.

 

[Nevermore]

@NatBird i too go through periods like this. It helped me to learn that hopelessness and helplessness are symptoms of PTSD also - part of the wound.
What helps me is nature. Sometimes the human world seems to me to be a huge discordant clanging that I don't understand or can't see my place in.
walking on the beach in the rain, noticing what the birds are up to, how trees grow in such twisted shapes, feeling the wind on my skin etc etc
Not that it makes me hopeful, but I feel part of it and a sense of community? Which is crazy, but I feel more sense of community out there than I do with people.
It reminds me of the beauty in the world and that makes it seem worthwhile

 

[NatBird]

I have to remind myself fairly frequently that there doesn't have to be a point. Is it easie...

@FridayJones thank you. Yes I know what you mean with not being a fan of hope. Believe it or not, neither am I!!
I work hard at being focused on what's current, working with and improving that.
I just feel there's always an underlying weight/heaviness. This is what I'm calling hopelessness. Ugh! I'm probably not articulating myself very well...again!

Anyway, thanks again Friday:) Comments appreciated.

 

[NatBird]

Yes, I do feel that way sometimes. It seems like I've done so much hard work towards healing and then...

@stp2012 the idea of emptying the plate and time to let down, this resonates. thank you for taking the time to share.

 

[NatBird]

@NatBird i too go through periods like this. It helped me to learn that hopelessn...

@Nevermore agree about nature. I get that feeling of connectedness too:)
I was watching the light change yesterday and felt assurance and safety in experiencing change in this way.
Trouble is, it can feel as though this feeling has not changed. It has felt quite consistent. As I write this I'm reminded, -- just because I feel it doesn't make it real.

Thanks also for the reminder that the hopeless/helpless are part of PTSD. This is still a new idea to me.

Really appreciate you reaching back.

 

[Changing4Best]

I felt like that for awhile once. I laid in bed for a couple of weeks straight, only getting up to go pee or to eat maybe once a day or so. Otherwise than that, I just stared at the wall. As time went on, I got tired of it all. I felt like maybe it would be wise to get up and DO something. I was lonely for one thing, so I got a dog. This helped me a lot, because I had to take said dog out for walks, which got me out of the house a lot! Do you have any pets?