VikVikViktorious
Bronze Member
*A few quick disclaimers*
-It's still controversial in my mind as to whether or not it's a completely "healable" condition.
-I understand that everyone's trauma is different, everyone's body is affected uniquely, and everyone's healing journey involves a myriad of different obstacles and setbacks.
-I just want to share my healing experience, in the hopes it can help others in a similar position.
*How I healed*
-step 1: Was to finally surrender to the fact that I have some something very serious going on in my head, and I need professional help.
-Involved my family and seeked support from sympathetic/understanding members.
-Found a therapist and psychologist and religiously went to my weekly sessions.
-Started on an ssri (Zoloft) and fought through the first 2 months of horror and disarray as my body adjusted to the meds.
-Continued therapy and checked in with P doc regarding my emotions often. Suicidal ideation and isolation was ever present.
-Was around this time I found you beautiful people. I personally consider this forum to be a vital aspect of my recovery. Scary nights alone in my bed with the walls closing in on me- the muffins in the chat room from ms. Wonderful would halt that supernatural force when nothing else could.
-Forced myself into activities like going for a jog and doing laundry and bathing.
-Around the 2 month mark of Zoloft and around the 4 month mark of therapy my anxiety switch flicked off and the attrusive thoughts quelled.
-I thought long and hard - and I noticed myself no longer depending on the 90 minute rush-hour-traffic drive to my therapist. I no longer felt the need to take these medicines for an anxiety that was no longer present in my brain and soul.
-Against the genuine, educated suggestion of my T and P, I wrote my T a farewell (for now) letter and expressed my gratitude to her, and I let my P know I was beginning the weaning process with or without him. She thanked me for the letter and he obliged and wished me nothing but success.
-The weaning lasted about 3 weeks, and here at day 5 of being med-free, I am feeling at peace with myself and my surroundings.
One thing I could say with near-absolute certainty, though, is that although I am feeling like myself once again, things will never really be the same. The closeness I once felt with certain friends has been jolted a bit- and it involves a level of unspoken-identity-discrepancy that I never even knew could exist.
Perhaps that will fade with time? Perhaps I will establish new bonds and find other ways to feel close. Surely it has put me closer to a whole new set of people as well- so it all evens out in the long run.
Is this farewell? Certainly not. Helping others is something that helped me - especially in those random gusts of feeling better while in the eye of the storm. I'm also not naive enough to think that I won't be right back in that P office or grubbin on those forum muffins sometime in the near future.
Thank you all for reading and being a part of my journey. :)
-It's still controversial in my mind as to whether or not it's a completely "healable" condition.
-I understand that everyone's trauma is different, everyone's body is affected uniquely, and everyone's healing journey involves a myriad of different obstacles and setbacks.
-I just want to share my healing experience, in the hopes it can help others in a similar position.
*How I healed*
-step 1: Was to finally surrender to the fact that I have some something very serious going on in my head, and I need professional help.
-Involved my family and seeked support from sympathetic/understanding members.
-Found a therapist and psychologist and religiously went to my weekly sessions.
-Started on an ssri (Zoloft) and fought through the first 2 months of horror and disarray as my body adjusted to the meds.
-Continued therapy and checked in with P doc regarding my emotions often. Suicidal ideation and isolation was ever present.
-Was around this time I found you beautiful people. I personally consider this forum to be a vital aspect of my recovery. Scary nights alone in my bed with the walls closing in on me- the muffins in the chat room from ms. Wonderful would halt that supernatural force when nothing else could.
-Forced myself into activities like going for a jog and doing laundry and bathing.
-Around the 2 month mark of Zoloft and around the 4 month mark of therapy my anxiety switch flicked off and the attrusive thoughts quelled.
-I thought long and hard - and I noticed myself no longer depending on the 90 minute rush-hour-traffic drive to my therapist. I no longer felt the need to take these medicines for an anxiety that was no longer present in my brain and soul.
-Against the genuine, educated suggestion of my T and P, I wrote my T a farewell (for now) letter and expressed my gratitude to her, and I let my P know I was beginning the weaning process with or without him. She thanked me for the letter and he obliged and wished me nothing but success.
-The weaning lasted about 3 weeks, and here at day 5 of being med-free, I am feeling at peace with myself and my surroundings.
One thing I could say with near-absolute certainty, though, is that although I am feeling like myself once again, things will never really be the same. The closeness I once felt with certain friends has been jolted a bit- and it involves a level of unspoken-identity-discrepancy that I never even knew could exist.
Perhaps that will fade with time? Perhaps I will establish new bonds and find other ways to feel close. Surely it has put me closer to a whole new set of people as well- so it all evens out in the long run.
Is this farewell? Certainly not. Helping others is something that helped me - especially in those random gusts of feeling better while in the eye of the storm. I'm also not naive enough to think that I won't be right back in that P office or grubbin on those forum muffins sometime in the near future.
Thank you all for reading and being a part of my journey. :)
