How Important Is Having A Diagnosis To You?

[obskuria]

It gave me a language to describe what I'm going through. It helped me find other people that suffered same as I did, I thought I just had anxiety and depression and I never considered a ptsd diagnosis because I thought it was only for vets and people who had suffered violent trauma. It made me feel like some pieces just clicked into place and I now have a better understanding of what my brain is doing so I am very thankful for it.

 

[Stanley Shi-Yume]

I am not sure it was important. I have had an interesting progression with diagnosis.

Back in 2010 when I was researching autistic spectrum traits was the first time the suggestion of PTSD appeared. I simply did not get along with the individuals attempting to dx me at that time, all I cared about was the affirmation of asperger's qualities. My explanations of struggle in my childhood including the abuse were offered only to establish context for the misdiagnoses of the past. I scoffed at the suggestion. It was not possible to convey this diagnosis to that version of me.

In my mind there was no link of how angry I was at my father and society in general with any adult life struggle. It was just my anger. I had constructed a completely different self, with this anger the connective tissue. This is weird trying to get back into the mind of that me to describe how wrong I was and why, how deeply I now comprehend that I was utterly lost. Lost in rage and fantasy-distraction.

So it seems like dx means nothing, self comprehension is everything.

 

[RussH]

For me having a diagnosis has really helped. I have emotional flashbacks and never understood what was happening, or why this pain from my past would resurface periodically. It would frustrate me, and I wondered why I would keep having this happen.

Now I know it is ptsd, and having that knowledge helps me understand what is happening, so I don't sit here and beat myself up for having these reactions.

 

[Barberian]

Financially very important. To receive any care from the VA, I need to be diagnosed with a condition. I very obviously suffer from at least one mental condition (four diagnosed actually, several more almost, but not quite meet the criteria for).

Personally, very important. At times I feel like I'm losing my mind. To assign a reason why I'm not particularly stable at times is very important. It keeps me from guessing - is this a biological failing or damage, neurological, a disease, a poisoning (heavy metal(s), or other), etc.? Will it be progressive, or can I recover from this (totally or partially, or can I get to a point where it can go into remission)?

Understanding that who I am today and what I'm going through is a result of what I experienced, is very helpful. There is hope for living a more "normal" life.

 

[DharmaGirl]

It just seems like it it was the normal kind of crappy.

Lol, what is the normal kind? I think that's so funny because I didn't think the stuff I remembered was so bad because the 3 times I asked for help as a child, I was ignored.

I ask how your diagnosis was made with no recollection of the trauma?

When I started therapy, I had a memory that my mom told me about. There was stuff right underneath the surface that I could remember once I turned my focus on it. I was so dissociated that he changed his mind about hypnosis. When I would talk about family life when I was four, my therapist said I my voice and facial expressions changed. I was freaked about that.I remembered several events that I didn't realize were traumatic, as Candleflames said, "the normal kind of crappy".

I could also remember asking Mother David at my Catholic school for help, and she told me, "that doesn't happen in nice families", I still can't remember what I told her. Flashbacks are another way of remembering. I find that stuff comes up in flashbacks and we talk about it in therapy. It isn't easy and I didn't believe it at all. I wasn't connected to it at all. For me, it was the symptoms that are so undeniable and the fact that my younger brother was diagnosed with PTSD about 15 years ago but he quit therapy and went back to the bottle. Ugh, I have to stop.

 

[macca]

The diagnosis explained a lot of things for me, that I had experienced on and off my whole life. It was very validating, important in the highly invalidating environment I grew up in (and is still there). It meant that I wasn't just a defective human being, despised for being fearful (by my grandmother) and seen as irrational and over-reactive by my family. It put things in terms of normal responses to trauma, and I cannot explain how helpful that has been. I avoided seeing a T like the plague for decades, because I didn't want to be confirmed as an over-reactive, defective person, but it has meant that I can try to move forward from that image of myself.

 

[greenleaf]

It explained a lot for me too, and lets me have a term to research online (which I occasionally do obsessively, if I'm triggered). I wish the "c-ptsd" thing had become official here in the U.S., since there do seem to be some differences, for many folks anyway, between childhood and adult traumas. Of course many people have both.

Even though having that ptsd diagnosis available is better than nothing, it's still lumping so many things in together that people may make the wrong assumptions.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I had no diagnosis for over twenty years. I fumbled along with numerous counselling sessions with different people. Disclosing fragments of what I could actually remember.

When I was first properly dignosed with CPTSD last year I was devastated. I came here very soon after as I knew next to nothing about our condition/illness. I had several EMDR sessions which scared me as to the mass of and content, severity of my past abuses. I had never even thought it could possibly be as bad as that, or that I could have hidden so much even from myself.

For me being thrown into tumoil and being the stubborn (sometimes foolish) me was the best thing that could have possibly happened to me.

I have been a Christian since I was fifteen and have always struggled in my faith. I have blamed God for what my abusers did to me and made me do. This has held me back in life.

I still struggle at times but as a Christian forgiveness has always been important to me. I will never forget what I suffered for so long as a child but can now stand tall with my head held high with no secrets anymore. I have met most of my abusers and forgiven them in person now. I fully know and appreciate that we as sufferers are all different and we will all need different therapies, differing lengths of time to heal.

Soon I hope to be brave enough to not only give my testimony but akso to be able to share it here.

 

[Candleflames]

@monster1977 Glad to give you a laugh. It's kind of nice to know someone else knows what that feels like. I knew what I was experiencing was wrong but I thought it was the kind of wrong that everyone experienced but just didn't talk about. I also acted out a bunch in school, sometimes violently, so the teachers started to hate me and blame me for the abuse they had to have known about.

It meant that I wasn't just a defective human being, despised for being fearful (by my grandmother) and seen as irrational and over-reactive by my family.

My T and I have talked about this when I told him I had a hard time believing the PTSD diagnosis. I think I'm afraid to let myself feel like I didn't deserve all the crap. Maybe in time I'll feel validated like others have said their diagnosis did for them.

At least with the official diagnosis I no longer feel like I'm trying the done spaghetti noodle method of therapy. You throw whatever at the wall and see if it sticks. At least now there is a plan.

 

[Abstract]

how your diagnosis was made with no recollection of the trauma?

Happy to digger. I remember what they call traumas. I don't believe they are traumas most of the time or I don't believe I was harmed/traumatised by them most of the time but I know they happened (even though I don't have normal sensory memories of almost all them). It is more like black and white facts that I have always known. I have normal broken memories of one thing (2 incidents). The stuff I don't remember I haven't discussed with anyone. Sometimes I can accept that the ones I remember are traumas. I have intrusions etc related to them. This is where I need to start with treatment regardless. I hope that makes sense. Feel free to ask.

spaghetti noodle method of therapy. You throw whatever at the wall and see if it sticks.

:roflmao:
Or my method - throw spaghetti at the wall for 20 odd years and think you are defective and dissociate all else when it doesn't stick and piles sky high in a stagnant heap on the floor!

all I am going through is just because I was too weak to handle life

I feel this a lot. I can see it isn't true for you though! You had a normal reaction to abnormal things.

 

[greenleaf]

I hadn't tried the spaghetti method yet! What a great idea!!! I think I will do that today.

 

[Stanley Shi-Yume]

Since we are human beings, not cuisine, I like to call it the hitchhiker's guide method of personal flight. How to throw yourself at the ground knowing full well it's going to hurt.... And miss

The challenge of having the diagnosis is how hard it is to throw myself. I am so muted and closed. I want to be open again. To do that I have to get throwing.