Dom Violence How Long Did You Stay?

[Nicolette]

From discussions to date most members here continued to stay in their adult relationships for a reasonable amount of time due to various reasons.

How long (approximately) did you stay after the abuse started?

1. Was about a year - only really two incidences but both major
   
2. Was around 2 years
   
3. Was around 3 years

Yes, I've been in 3 domestic abuse relationships....like once wasn't enough :rolleyes:. None of these did I ever think I would end up where I did. An incident in # 3 seems to have snapped me out of gravitating towards abusive relationships.......

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Embarrassingly, I can't really remember. I don't have a clear view of time or all trauma memories. It was really embarrassing trying to tell that to the police years later- That I simply could not remember all the traumas and their dates. On the PTSD forum I learned it is common to have blanked them out, in the sexual abuse book I am reading it says that a lot of people don't remember all trauma's. It wasn't something the police could understand, they couldn't understand how I could forget something so big and it didn't make my case look good.

I think it was about a year and half. I can't even remember how many times I was raped. 15? 20? It could have been 5 for all I know, but my body tells me it happened a lot more then I remember.

 

[Nicolette]

Not remembering is nothing unusual Ayesha - there isn't a lot of my childhood I can recall. Apparently I've been told we were more than likely sexually abused then but I don't know. When I was raped as an adult I only know as it was like watching from another room looking into darkness and I can only remember what was said.

I am sorry your body reflects greater abuse than less :(

As for a 'case' - it's really hard to get a conviction anyway as they will always find and use any technicality they can. For you it was your blanking out what happened, for me they used the fact that I was on pain medication from back surgery that could have distorted my view of events. It sucks to be frank.

 

[SNS]

I havn't left yet. I am preparing mentally and physically for the biggest step I have taken in my life.

 

[Nicolette]

Good for you SNS :tu: Now you have a safe place of online support for the big step ahead. :D

 

[SNS]

I have three places now, here, PTSD forum and Woman's Aid.

Thank you so much.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I don't know if you've contacted women's aid yet SNS, but they run programs (online or in person) to help you understand abuse, whether you are in a relationship or out of one.

 

[piratelady]

I was in my relationship for a total of 8 years (I think). The verbal abuse started right away. I did recognize it as abuse though, and thought he was just trying to make me aware of my short comings. The physical abuse started about 6 months in. Despite all that, I still married him. We were married for just a tad over 2 years when I left, finally.

 

[intothelight]

For more than 15 years...:(

 

[Nicolette]

While it has taken each of us different time to get through and out of a relationship involving domestic violence, what counts is the journey and making enough progress to get out and more importantly, aim to stop living at the hands of abuse.

 

[trying2moveon]

Nearly 17 years which is half of my life!!!! I don't like to think about it I feel stupid why did I stay so long? I still am unable to answer that question.

 

[Nicolette]

Maybe you it took you that long to firstly work out what was wrong and then find a way out trying2moveon. All of this is complex despite it seeming so simple, obvious and straight forward from the outside. I don't believe the answer to the question of why you stayed is half as important as the fact that you did get out as that would have taken great strength :)