Poll How Many Of Your Have Made Your Family/friends Aware Of Your Issues/treatment?

[Cool Cat]

And on a side note, have you found making people aware of your issues to be a good or bad experience?

 

[shandemonium]

I don't really tell people for fear of being questioned. My best friend and my gf know, that's about it.

When it comes to family, only the ones who were not abusive do I tell things, and I refer to it as my "nervous problem" or my "sleep problem", but I have never told them about the PTSD diagnosis because I am afraid to.

I would love to hear some stories of folks who did tell people and what the reaction was...

 

[Cool Cat]

would love to hear some stories of folks who did tell people and what the reaction was...

Same as! I don't tell people and I've been giving it some thought.

 

[greenleaf]

I have told a few friends a few things very slowly, but only when they had a helpful response to information that wasn't the most sensitive for me. Family... I told a few things to one who has medical training and responded well to less crucial stuff, similarly. Most close family, though, were either abusers or deniers as I was growing up, and some died years ago.

People all have their own struggles. I've had people start to react as if I'm trying to be the person getting the support and never giving back just after I said a simple small thing about abuse. It doesn't really feel fair that they do that; maybe they find the topic overwhelming, or they are scared that I will ask too much... but I've found the people who are capable of being supportive to be pretty rare.

I do really try to give back to the relationship in the few cases where it's become safe to talk a bit. Therapists are best for me for that, though, no worry about having to take care of their needs if I'm having a really bad period, like some friends/family.

Not sure why, but I have done (b) and (c) more than (a).

(c) People can go to therapists without having mental health problems.
(b) Trauma can result in lots of things other than ptsd, and I think people can be quite empathic on things that don't trigger our favorite thing -- victim-blaming -- easily. I've found people quite supportive re one traumatic experience I couldn't hide -- being robbed at gunpoint near work... Although that really resulted in few problems for me compared with the childhood stuff, people took it very seriously which surprised me. Ok I'm weird but my family were experts in minimizing abuse, incl. death threats, for years, so how am I supposed to respond... It has helped me feel safer around people in general about their responses to trauma that they will empathize with me for certain things anyhow.

(a) The mental health problems one, though, I have done my best to avoid disclosing! What is ptsd anyhow, the official line changes every year; is it an injury or an illness, would all people get ptsd if subjected to enough trauma, what is going on in the brain of people with complex childhood trauma, how much can it be healed -- all these things seem in flux... Different people believe different things about different types of ptsd and even different traumas! "Should" childhood abuse result in this problem or that problem... and then there is the very serious issue that abusers are out there too and often have motivations for having strongly invalidating reactions toward survivors.

I don't feel safe disclosing, anyhow, a lot of the time. Some people feel it is a political issue to disclose I guess. Others feel safe -- some have had enough support that they can more easily deal with negative reactions, perhaps?

 

[Jester]

If I could do it over again, I'd be more tight-lipped. I might have even found a way to keep my therapy from my Dad, because that has been the worst part of it all. Now he walks on eggshells around me, or he tries to pry and find out about what traumatized me (he only knows part of the story). If I told him I was sexually abused by a family member, he'd want to know who, and if I told him that, I wouldn't be surprised if he literally murdered me just for making the accusation.

 

[WillyKat]

I've told my brothers and several friends. There are maybe three people I wish I hadn't said a word to. One hasn't spoken to me since, but I'm not sure why. Scared I guess. Otherwise its been fine.

That said, I don't give the gory details.

On the two occasions I mentioned "PTSD" I got more fear. For the majority, I just told them about the sexual abuse and was getting treatment. That's not a big sample but I'd be willing to bet that saying "PTSD" brings up the BS they hear in the media about it and just react in fear.

So that would be my advice: anyone you tell doesn't need to hear the acronym; they won't know what it means and may just remember the last news story about someone with PTSD going postal.

 

[sun seeker]

Over the years I have told some family members, and the results have been almost entirely negative. Of course, most of my trauma comes from my family in the first place, so their denial is understandable. There is an across-the-board lack of interest and caring that makes things worse than they were already. Example: on inviting my brother to a therapy session where I shared some of the things that happened to me as a child, he listened and then sat there in silence. The therapist asked what he was feeling, and he answered, "I'm afraid that now you've told me, you're going to expect me to take care of you." Never a word of empathy or support, then or later. It wasn't until some 15 years later, on relating this to a friend who became indignant on my behalf, that it occurred to me there was anything wrong with his reaction. It was just like "oh, sorry for bothering you with my problems, I'll shut up now".

Outside the family, I tell only a few close friends. Most people are not capable of understanding and their responses can create tension that ruins a relationship. It's better not to go there. But having to keep such a big part of me hidden is very isolating. That's what I appreciate so much about this forum.

 

[WillyKat]

Lack of empathy is a major trigger for me. I posted about this a few weeks ago and lots of people agreed. You grow up thinking its normal, then one day you realize that they are the ones messed up, not me. It's a sign of progress when you reach that point, but it's not a happy realization.

 

[scout86]

Not so much family. We aren't close and it wouldn't be helpful.

I've told a couple of people, friends, that I thought deserved an explanation for weird behavior. (For MY weird behavior, that is.)

I've told a few other random people, when it fit into a conversation. A good friend who had combat related PTSD and needed to get himself some help, in an attempt to convince him it didn't mean he was any crazier than I am. My mechanic, of all people, when I needed him to do some emergency work on my vehicle so I could make a cross country trip after the suicide of the afore mentioned friend. My mechanic is also a Gulf War vet. Turns out HE'S had friends commit suicide too. He, however, absolutely can't imagine how anyone could do that or think that way. We've talked about it. I think it helped both of us. (He says I'm a good customer and made me promise I wouldn't kill myself without talking to him first. Sweet, on his part. I hope he knows that's the one thing I'd lie about....) In nearly all cases, when I've told someone, it's been to make some kind of point and I don't regret doing it. I never give details. They don't need them and I don't want to talk about them. It bothers me, that there are so many misconceptions and so much stigma. If I think there's a chance I can educate someone, or encourage someone, I do it. Otherwise, I'm not looking for support and it's none of their business.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I've told my family when I was about seventeen (about my childhood abuse from parents) and it was a relief to do so because my parents had always been feeding them lies about how awful of a kid I was. So I finally got to tell them my part of the story which was actually pretty neat.

All of my close friends know and I had no trouble telling these people because they are all very laid-back and relaxed and I knew they wouldn't freak out or anything like that. They were concerned but they didn't freak.

And I tell love interests because I feel they have a right to know, but only when I trust them enough. In general people are understanding about it. The best reaction I've had is from a guy who didn't start questioning me about it. He reacted as if I had said the most normal thing in the world. :)

I think I got lucky though. Aside from my parents my family is pretty cool and so are the few friends I have.

 

[Ellabella44]

I have told my sister in law who is with my brother. she knows things were rough when we were kids and my mother , brother and I talking a bit about it one easter triggered my breakdown. We have not talked at all about life with our biological father with anyone until then. I talk with my brother in little bits. He doesnt want to remember any of it, yet i found out a few hours ago, like me, he cant get that house out of his head. He now knows i have been diagnosed with this, in therapy, and some other things. My husbands side I really dont go into anything with them.

 

[Glara]

My sufferer told me because I was breaking it off with him. I thought he was playing games until he told me. Of course I asked why and he told me briefly. I never ask for anymore details. It really doesn't matter to me unless he feels a need to tell me. I see him as strong and a survivor. I admire what he's become in spite of what happened. Because he told me I started reading and found this forum which has given me the tools to cope. I try to be there for him while giving him space, it's not easy, but I love him and I want to do what I can to be there. I hope he sees it as a positive outcome.