Relationship How Often Do They Leave You?

[Spring]

My boyfriend and I have a good relationship outside of his PTSD... But when a conflict arises, he avoids and abandons the situation - Sometimes for weeks at a time. We (supporters) are subject to a higher level of consequences than the "average significant other" in a relationship.

Just needed to vent, and hope that I'm not the only one who goes through this.
~Spring

 

[dms]

Your NOT!! It SUCKS!!

 

[suziq616]

You're not alone, and it does suck, and it has happened more times than I can count....

 

[Spring]

Thank y'all for readin' my post... How long have y'all been with your significant others?

 

[suziq616]

We have been together for 4 years, and have gone through maybe a dozen or more "I need space", "I can't deal with this right now" and "I'm no good for you, let me go (but don't let me go)"....

I'm sticking around to see the end of this love story, it will make for one heck of lifetime movie someday:)

 

[Spring]

Thank you, Suziq

We've been together for almost three years. And yes, it's been a rollercoaster ride - Some weeks are good, and then there are some days/weeks that just don't make sense. I've grown to roll with punches, so-to-speak.

About ten days ago, he had a kind of meltdown (as I'm sure that you are well familiar with), and I haven't heard from him since. I typically give him his time and space, and he usually comes around on his own. But it's been very close to two weeks now. I'm pretty good about keepin' myself busy and remindin' myself of how PTSD takes control and how these boys go into autopilot, but I'm beginnin' to crack just a little. I can feel the worry and anxiety slowly creep into me.

I just needed to be reminded that I'm not alone here, I guess.

 

[FaithJL]

More than a dozen times in a year...it sucks! I'm sure it's hard for him as it is for me because I sense his guilt when he's "okay."

 

[suziq616]

For me, when it's going on more than 10 days, I usually feel comfortable enough to send a text and say, 'hey, what's up' ... that works for my situation with my guy, he knows it's time, even though we never get to talk about what happen and why he needed space again! I've grown to accept this and take my good months and start again. Not fair, but reality.

I understand the guilt too, that look in his face is a give away, but I've been down this road so long, I don't take it too personal anymore (except for some bad behaviors while apart, but that's another story) usually I'm pretty calm and matter of the fact like, "hey it's been 2 weeks, what are we doing?" for my guy that works, but maybe not for everyone.

 

[Spring]

OH MY GOSH, it's like you and I are ONE!! That's EXACTLY how our relationship goes most of the time for the past three years!! Yeah, Things can go relatively smooth(you and I know, as smooth as it can get) and then out of nowhere it's like a tornado just comes in and throws everything off. Then we have to just put everything back together without complaint, without anger, with compassion, and patience. And all while they go into isolation.

I've grown use to the routine, but sometimes, Suziq, I get tired and I'd like to just have a bad day, ya' know. And it's tough at times when the "episode" that they have doesn't have anything directly to do with PTSD, but you just want to talk about a relationship issue...and they blow up at you.

But yes, I TOTALLY understand your method with your honey, we work that way, too. And yes, it is heartbreakin' to see them go through the guilt trip that they put themselves through. It's so unnecessary, but they aren't able to help it.

This is frustratin, and heartbreakin'.... Thank you so much for reachin' out to me.
~Spring

 

[suziq616]

Anytime Spring, looks like you're in SD and I'm in OSIDE, so if you ever want to meet for coffee and vent in person, give me a shout:) take care

 

[Spring]

AHahahahahaha, or a glass of vino, deary!! I may just take you up on that some day very soon!

I did hear from him. But you know that this begins all over again - Movin' slow, carefully chosin' words, and creatin' a safe invornment.

Have a good one, Suziq

 

[PioneerSon]

Just reading all your posts on this thread is such an eye-opener for me, a long-time PTSD sufferer. I knew that my illness and resulting behavior had been hard on my relationships... now on my fourth marriage and a dozen or more none-married relationships before that, but I had no idea just how hard it had been on the significant people in my life. My God... what was I thinking?! I think I have been everything everyone of you have described at some point in the last 40-45 years.

The thing that has jolted me from the lethargy of my own private pity-party has been a rather sudden realization this week that I have been stuck in a rut (that's a grave with both ends knocked out) of my own making and that I was going to lose the most caring people in my life if I don't change... now. Thank goodness I can learn from your stories and treat my wife and daughter with the care and affection they deserve... now, today, before it's too late once again.

I can never thank you enough for your openness and willingness to share your stories...

Keep smiling... :)