How to comfort yourself/ inner child

[WillyKat]

The one thing I remember giving me comfort as a child was walking out the very farthest reaches of our small farm. This put me at the greatest distance from the abuser (who lived across the road) but also my family of bystanders. We had some cattle and a couple of horses, a cat, a dog, etc. But I just liked being out there among the trees, frogs, snakes, etc. I think I felt safest out there.

Now, nearly 50 years later, I get the greatest comfort from going out into the wilderness alone. Sound familiar?

 

[illusionist]

Buying an ice cream, a mixture bag, a teddy, visiting the zoo, paddling at the seaside, picking flowers, wearing pretty clothes ( that's a huge soother for me) , playing nursery rhythms and singing along at the top of your voice, basically anything you liked or dreamed of as a kid......my partner point blank refuses to have a girlie bedroom...understandable!
Oh yes Willycat!...I just love being away from everything.....loved it as a kid and the smells of the woods take me right back to the feeling of being free and safe.

 

[VioletButterfly]

I have had a difficult time just as you have mentioned. What does help is to connect, as another wrote, through activities you liked to do as a child. I liked to water color, draw, use pastels, and read books like Pippi Longstocking. I've changed books, but they're still more childlike than not, i.e. Mrs. Murphy Mysteries by Rita Mae Brown. This works best for me, or maybe watching a movie that I liked as a child as well. There are healing workbooks that incorporate art if this works for you. Take a look around Amazon. If not, I hope your T can help you find a way to bridge the gap. Take care. VB :)

 

[Yvy]

Thanks all for the advice! I bought a colouring book this afternoon. Am trying it again...

 

[illusionist]

Remembered an incident today regarding my inner child..thought I'd share.
I had spent most of the day preparing food for my ex husband coming home...after he had been away working for a month. I had made a huge strawberry flan with loads of fresh cream and spent a lot of time piping on the cream, looked impressive. Hubby came home and went into the kitchen..I brought the flan over to him and on total impulse I rubbed it into his face! ....he looked shocked for a moment but retaliated , throwing it back at me. My son came through wondering what the laughter was about....so he got pulled into the fun. The flan was all over the kitchen! But little me just didn't care about that, I felt so good and free. After we got cleaned up, my partner asked me why I did it as it seemed so out of character for me...I said it wasn't something I thought about, I just had to do it, little me came out. On thinking back, I remembered as a kid watching them do it on the tv and I used to want to do it...seemed like great fun. That mischevious, happy, carefree feeling stayed with me for a good couple of days.

 

[Yvy]

@richter scale haha thanks for sharing! That must be wonderful that you can feel your inner child like that and act upon it!

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

@richter scale .. I LOVE this!! Flying Flan!! Weeeeee!!

:inlove: :hug: :D

 

[illusionist]

I think what I'm trying to point out to everyone is that by just looking at what you actually enjoyed as a kid, won't necessarily allow you to feel her/him. I found that very hard as my childhood was extremely restricted in doing things I wanted to do. So instead of looking back and doing the things I did, I looked back at what I wanted to do. Through connecting with that, I then was able to connect with the sad, lonely, confused, pained part of her. Again, I had no therapy in this, it was something I naturally came across...I didn't even know there was such a therapy until I had read about it years later, and realised I wasn't as crazy for feeling her. So, little me is allowed to be the kid she wanted to be, total opposite from who she was, but who she could have been, and allow her grief fear etc to come out.

 

[shell]

I bought my inner child a soft little beanie toy that was a dog, because it wasn't the adult in me that chose that toy, it was definately the child, every time I was in the shops I would think about what to buy, and finally one day she found something. When ever I am feeling overwhelmed, unloved or unacceptable I hold the dog in my hand and it's soft to touch, I rub his belly because I can feel the beans move, and it helps ground me and sooth my inner child that was triggered.

I think thoughts that I would have like to have heard as a child, things like it's okay, no-one is going to hurt you, or you are safe now, I can protect you. As a child there was no-one, now I be caring and compassionate, and I tell the inner critic to stop.

 

[Yvy]

thanks @shell I'm going to write down things I wanted to hear when I was a child, maybe I can repeat them too to myself when I feel afraid.

 

[SunShining]

Loved reading this thread with your experiences and ideas, everyone. Thanks!

The way I see my inner child is that she's the part of me that I kind of "left" when I experienced the trauma. So, for me, inner child work is about reconnecting with her and integrating her with the adult me now.

Something I've found particularly helpful is to picture that younger version of me in my mind and imagine meeting her for the first time. If I were to do that, I'd want to find commonalities to build trust...

So I ask her, what are some of your favorite things? With whatever she says, if I like the same things I let her know.

Adult Me: Hi sweetie. It's nice to meet you. I like the flower on your t-shirt.

Inner Child: Thank you. Green is one of my favorite colors.

Adult Me: Oh, I like green very much, too. Especially seeing all the different colors of green leaves in the trees. What else do you like?

Inner Child: I like to color and ride my bike.

Adult Me: Oh that's fun. I love coloring, too! And I like to ride my bike around the neighborhood.

Inner Child: I also like kittens. They're so cute and fuzzy.

Adult Me: Me too! My cat is such a love bug.

Inner Child: You have a cat? Can I see it?

Adult Me: Sure! (Then I go over and play with the cat for a little while.)

The whole point is to help establish a relationship between me and my little inner child by letting her see that we have things in common and I'm a "safe person" for her to be with.

Not sure if this will work for anyone else, but it's been really nice for me.

I also ask my inner child if there's anything she needs or wants...and then in my imagination I give her whatever it would take for her to feel happier, safer, more comfortable, etc. Sometimes she might want some special food, or a blanket, or some toys, I just listen and mentally give her what she wants. I usually do this while I'm lying down in bed with my eyes closed, or I do it in a dialogue format like above.

I try to do a lot of this work when I'm not in a full blown PTSD flare up so that then I can be more resourceful when those more challenging moments come up. I can also be more practiced in taking care of my little girl so I can be there for her when it really counts.

 

[Ellabella44]

for mine, stuffed kitty, my daughters puppy blanket from when she was younger, flavored gum, and shells at the beach. I dissociate so its easier for me to be in touch with her. Met her on the beach one day, and it pretty much goes like above with sun shining. All the way down to not wanting to leave the beach that one day until i promised to get some gum. Its not the kind i liked when i was a kid, but its close to it.