How to deal with dysregulation in a relationship?

[Hojay]

she could focus on in her own beliefs and filters that may be more helpful than throwing all of the responsibility on others.

I don't feel that the OP is shirking her responsibility in terms of her own reactions to dysregulation. I think she's quite aware that her own reactions are based on her own history and that her jumping to disrespect is a pattern she's open to exploring. I think that's what this whole thread has been about: how to deal with dysregulation.

I disagree that losing respect for somebody who falls apart on the regular is necessarily dysregulation in itself. Some people do, say, don't do, don't say certain things that make us lose respect for them. It's that simple. Now, there's no saying how much or how little dysregulation a person needs to display for the OP to lose respect--so that's what she's here to examine--but I wouldn't blanket dismiss her reactions as maladjusted.

from what I am seeing in this it is happening with regularity and seems to be a trend. That to me (which does not necessarily say it is true - this is just a thought) means that the OP might want to look at why that might be.

Are you suggesting the OP look into why the person is dysregulating and whether or not she has a part in it?

 

[shimmerz]

whether or not she has a part in it?

I think we all have a part in the dynamics we are involved in.

One of the hardest things I ever had to do during my DV was to sit with the psychologist and say
I get this has happened. I get that it is a pattern. Because here I am sitting in front of you telling you that it keeps happening. I need you to help me figure out what I am doing to keep myself wrapped up in these behaviours.

It had become obvious to me that I was attracting this stuff or not able to see it or whatever and I knew if my life situation was going to improve I had to look at me.

It was very tempting to complain about what everyone else in my life was doing to cause me problems.

Maybe not the case here, but it does seem like a pattern....

I think that's what this whole thread has been about: how to deal with dysregulation.

Yes, agreed. My thoughts on that based on what I am reading in this posting is that the OP is looking at others dysregulation or bad behaviour.