How To Deal With Workplace Hostility

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First, let me say, that in this economy, I'm grateful to have any job at all, even if it is a temporary contract that could end any day. Second, I'm grateful that I've made so much headway in being able to comfortably speak with authority figures. That was a huge obstacle for me in the past.

That having been said, does anyone find that they are, like me, especially sensitive to workplace politics and hostility? Favoritism happens in any office and while it's annoying, it's not a major injustice. But I've had a hard time dealing with sharing an office with five other people. One man in particular sounds (to my ears) quite hostile and intolerant of all kinds of groups - gays, lesbians, people with AIDS, people with any disability, Muslims, and countless other groups. It's quite uncomfortable. I take breaks when I can to help manage the stress, but I've found out that once I leave the room, he'll start talking about me. So when I return, it gets really quiet and I feel uncomfortable. Argh!

Thoughts? Suggestions?

 

[dharmaBum]

Not a suggestion, but a question...
Have you disclosed your PTSD to your employer? I've been having frequent interpersonal anxiety issues and was doing a bit of research about PTSD as a disability. I found a website for employers that talks about accommodating workers with PTSD. I'll look for the link and post it if I can.

 

[dharmaBum]

Here's the link: wORLDwIDEwEB.jan.wvu.edu/media/ptsd.html The whole site was educational for me, but you could scan down to the section
Accommodating Employees with PTSD

 

[Join]

Have I disclosed my disability? Well, yes and no. I am a contractor and the agency I work through does not know. However, my supervisors at the company I work on a contract at (and have for the past two years) know.

Today, I suggested what to me, seemed like a fairly inexpensive accommodation. I said that if it turned out to be too burdensome, I would appreciate an answer back either way. I said that if in the company's view the offending triggers were somehow essential to the work they need done, I would appreciate another chance to rethink how to self-accommodate before being let go. They have no job-related or performance related complaints. Actually, they have no complaints at all as far as I know. But I have asked them to step in to tamper some of the bullying at work among independent contractors and so far, they have turned a blind eye. My suggestion today was that I be allowed to work separately since most of my work is solitary. We'll see. I'll let you know.

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[TLight]

Good luck Join. I know I couldn't tolerate that situation for long.

Nice job.

 

[Join]

By the way, they did let me go after I asked for an accomodation but not until after I was questioned extensively about my disability.

 

[Loralei]

I am in a very similar situation, except that I work on a shipping dock. There is one employee who has been there for a long time and is quite the 'bully' (for lack of a better word). I have watched her bully others which was frustrating in it's own accord. When she turned her attention on me, I ignored it for a while, but when I had enough and refused to play the game and outright ignored her demanding questions... boy oh boy did she make a stink about that. Supervisors were called over while she yelled her complaints about me and without even defending myself I was sent home for "having a bad attitude".

On my way home, I kept thinking "How did this happen? What did I do to deserve this?" I started blaming myself; going over and over it in my head of how I could have, should have etc. It wasn't until the next day, when the situation was blown completely out of proportion and in some instances out right lies, that I realized, if I really had been the 'difficult one with the bad attitude' then they would have no need to make up stories and exaggerate the issues.

This realization is helpful for my own dignity and morale, but I fear it does nothing to help save my job. When I returned to work the next day, I was sent home until the situation was "investigated" further. I'd like to believe that the truth will come out and in a perfect world all will be resolved. In reality, I have to face the fact that in this instance that may not happen. I may get fired come Monday morning.

This is a very strong trigger for me, so I keep telling myself calming words to get through it without flipping out and bursting into tears; trying to keep the feelings of worthlessness and suicide at bay.

I am a PSTD sufferer and I take my medication regularly. Still it is so hard.

 

[James B.]

Hello Loralei - yep, been right where you've been.

Similar situation, similar outcome. All I can say is you're not alone. My experiences with workplace bullies and stupid management (who believes the idiots, even though they are actually costing the company money) would fill a Tolstoy novel. Believe I may have seen it all, pretty much.

The problem you describe may stem from management either ignoring (or protecting though an internal private buddy system) the bully. Either way, the problem always comes from the top. I have never seen or heard about an exception *when* the dots are properly connected.

Tried so many times to do so many jobs - ha! Once a sales manager at CompUSA wouldn't stop yelling at me after I made a $3000 sale, because I *only* got a one year service contract on it. Amazing. I walked, left the job cold.

That was when I had 60hr/week shifts as over night staff, *and* was trying to work full time during the day. OMG, I could go on and on...

Am very sorry this happened to you, these type of situations really suck, and they really hurt. How well I know it.

 

[AvoidanceRulez]

Not a suggestion, but a question...
Have you disclosed your PTSD to your employer? I've been having frequent interpersonal anxiety issues and was doing a bit of research about PTSD as a disability. I found a website for employers that talks about accommodating workers with PTSD. I'll look for the link and post it if I can.

ROFLMFAOPMP....i like so told my supervisor I had ptsd----the idiot said " i have PTSD too..what's that?" ABSOLUTE MORON!!!!!!!!!!

the moron is also causing me infinite stress cuz he's like 5'2"...and this stupid moron whose under five feet high harrassed me(i'm 5'9")....frankly, i believe he defends her because her midget stature makes his genitalia feel/seem 12 inches long...i'm at the point where i'm about ready to leave(have been for about a month)...but i'm trying to find another job first...but its so hard here in teh US with the current screwed up economy

 

[RealityCheck]

I'm doing what I can to stay out of the workplace, it's just waaaay too stressful for me. Last job I worked as a cleaner for Spotless at Melbourne Airport. After one week with the Supervisor I asked if I could work by myself - he told me to go through somebody's bag when we found it lying in the carpark, he thought there might be money in it. I said no and took it to lost property. Things got worse from there and somehow I managed to stay for 2 years. I actually liked the job, met heaps of interesting people, got to help loads of people in the car park when they lost their car and there was always different things to do.

When I refused to work with the supervisor I ended up working by myself, completely separated from the whole Spotless team, the constant whinging, bitching and complaining really got to me. They thought I was a trouble maker because I complained to my manager, his manager, Worksafe Victoria when I was put in a dangerous situation, and eventually put in a formal complaint to the CEO. Dare I say, I was not liked and eventually got so stressed I just didn't go back, I called a counsellor and a lawyer to see what options I had. Spotless management are purely in business for the money, always with an eye on the dollar and hardly any concern for the people who earn the money, it was horrible... employment politics are just to stressful, all the undermining conversations, bitching and backstabbing messes with my head too much, so I'm not doing it anymore.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

Hi there,

These stories sound terrible. It is amazing how common place workplace bullying is. My trauma directly relates to the workplace and bullies are a major trigger for me. I have spent years trying to figure out how to better deal with workplace bullies and corporations that fail to act and investigate such issues. Of the many books I have read, one has been the most useful and it has a website attached to it. Do check it out. The book is called Bully In Sight by Tim Field.

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/index.htm

The key thought that I took from this is that it is the bully's problem not yours.

 

[orphaned child]

Still recovering from one of these situations of worplace bullies. I think it does have to do with the upper management not wanting to do anything for a varity of reasons. Spent another day in bed. But I did clean the litter box! I not answering my cell phone. I just feel so tired. I quit my job , but can't stop thinking about the person who replaced me. I keep picturing them handeling people better than me.