How To Dig Yourself Out Of The Mess And Aftermath Of Trauma

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Oh, @Bloomy, I'm so sorry you are struggling in this way! Many people face similar problems here in the U.S., it's a tragedy! With whatever social service agencies or support that exists where you are, can you ask for case management services? That is, someone who will help you figure out how to navigate the new requirements for applying for services, help you link up with other resources you may not be aware of, and generally help you in practical ways when you are feeling so overwhelmed.

I personally can't think of any practical strategies myself for dealing with poverty that other people haven't already said (other than case management services.) However, I am intrigued by your larger question of the business of fixing your life after you've f*cked it up to hell and back due to trauma. You put it well by calling it the aftermath of trauma.

I have f*cked up my life many times over, and have lived with that fear, that certainty, that I will not come to a good end (aka foreshortened future.) Being chronically overwhelmed due to PTSD, major depression, and other causes has made seemingly simple tasks almost impossible. The impact of trauma on our lives goes beyond symptoms. I started and dropped out of school several times. I got bad grades because the process of withdrawing from a class was confusing and I was too ashamed to ask for help figuring it out. I have jumped into relationships and moved in with someone I knew would be abusive to avoid being homeless or returning home. I have been fired and been on disability and then marginally employed for years. I have had legal and financial trouble. Even paying lots of library fines, late penalties on bills, etc., adds up! I am periodically so depressed and overwhelmed by life that I can't open my mail for months or years. Thank goodness for online automatic bill pay, that literally changed my life and saved my marriage!!!!

Even with all of that, I have also been able to rebuild my life, over and over. Going back to basics, over and over. Having to ask for help over and over. Feeling trapped and then eventually finding a way out or something shifts just slightly and I have the energy to take advantage of that change to start to climb out of that hole.

Have faith, Bloomy. Are you in therapy? You can survive this. Keep looking for and asking for help. Breathe.

Sending you prayers for positive change, peace, and prosperity.

{{{{{Bloomy}}}}}

Blessings, Lola

 

[One step at a time]

Reading this, I'm realizing: me, too. I'm still dealing with trauma stuff, but that is not impacting my quality of life in the same, direct way that it used to. And I am so grateful to be able to say that. Right now, some of my struggle is about external stresses, and some of it is about managing (and sometimes mismanaging) dysfunctional responses to those stresses. Thank you for this thread, which has helped me to see this.

Its about how do I keep faith when the storm sets in that I do have a chanse for a better life... Am I my worst enemy not seing and grabbin oportunities? Or is it really a bit rough sailing? Or is it both?

Here is roughly the same pep talk I once got: At a minimum you are not in a vegetative state. While I don't want to make assumptions, because I don't know the specific things you can or can't do, you probably have all sorts of skills beyond "capable of motion" and "capable of communication," so you do have a chance.

It is absolutely true that this is rough sailing, and it is also true that the more opportunities you can grab at (no matter how slim the chances of those opportunities working out), the better your overall chances. *I say blithely, conveniently ignoring all the times I passed over opportunities to improve my life because I was blinded by fear and pain...*

I admit this is easier said than done. But you do have a chance.

Sending hope.

 

[Bloomy]

@One step at a time I should say thanks to you cause you put words on some of what Ive tried to write namely "is not impacting my quality of life in the same, direct way that it used to, struggle is about external stresses, and some of it is about managing (and sometimes mismanaging) dysfunctional responses to those stresses."

And as @Lola Nocheprieta says "The impact of trauma on our lives goes beyond symptoms"

And also to say Lola and anyone else again I can not for my bare life hear one more word about social service cause they do nothing nothing nothing to help. I realised this. Its all on me to make it through some how any how. To mention social service triggers me severly since they have been treating me so bad and I know they will keep treating me bad if I have anything to do with them no matter the reason.

Ok - breath Bloomy - breathe....

Ok - so back to the post and your comments....

@shimmerz thanks for your words means the world that you wrote this.

And also Lola - thanks so much for sharing what you just did It gives me more hope to read. Im not in therapy, but Ive just met someone I hope and pray will continue to be some kind of a support. Usually it is to good to be true, but I will talk with her about my fear of her withdrawing the so much sought after support I need. I will ask her directly if she can support for a given period atleast.

Thanks again guys for your replies and your support. Made me teary. In a good way.

 

[Ronin]

Slef esteem hurting and Im being self destructive.

What makes you less self destructive?

How do I keep moving on when Im so deep into shit.

I'd re-evaluate how deep in shit you are, actually. As in there's a lot that you have as a starting point, that could be worse.

You're alive. You're healthy enough to know there's issues. You're able to think critically. You're able to problem solve. You're aware of resources. You're oriented in the system around you, enough to be aware of its failings. So how do you stop seeing failings, and start seeing patches?

Eventually, if that system cannot meet your needs, where else would you get your needs met, & how would you get there? That's still options.

 

[Friday]

I decided to create this post cause many here talk of present traumas or symptom of traumas, but I havent found so much on the after math of trauma and about what you can do if you first destroyed your life being traumatized ie how to get back on your feets from utter poverty

I hate starting over from scratch. I've done it a few times, in a few different ways. Am in the middle of it, again, now.

Most basically, the better I get my symptoms under control, the better I am able to live my life, and the better I am able to live my life, the better I can make of it.