How To Forgive, If Possible?

[Hashi]

He, of course, wants me to get better and move on.

I was saying please be careful in relation to my next sentence:

my impression is that you would love to pretend that nothing's happening in the present either. You seem to be working hard towards that.

Please be careful of staying in an abusive relationship. You said he's still pressuring you to have sex and making you feel bad about that - even though he's no longer taking ambien. You've also said that he encouraged you to get a diagnosis, and does various things to make you feel bad about your past actions and current reactions, but you don't know what to do to make him get help. When he was the one who was raping you. And is still pressuring you.

Please be careful because everything you say about him is classic, I'm afraid - the manipulation, ambivalence/denial about his issues but a clear focus on you having issues and needing to "move on", refusing to accept a way to work through things and instead giving you an ultimatum that you aren't ready to handle (which I'm willing to bet he knows).... and then you have started a new thread where you present the abuse as in the past and the problem being with you for being unable to get past it.

I'm not suggesting you shouldn't be talking about the relationship with your husband - it's the cause of your PTSD. I would suggest, though, that the emphasis when you talk about it is not on "how to forgive" but on what's going on for you and how to get to a healthier place. Staying with an abusive partner is a symptom in itself.

 

[Kshaw]

Ive experience my husband first edition when he raped me after his first deloyment and the look in his eyes and demener was different. We've been together 7 yrs prior and I never experienced these events. I feel like he blacked out.. The things he said while doing it at a later time I still think about and he claims not to remember ... Not sure what to do?

 

[Changing4Best]

I often ask God to help me forgive people who have wronged me. Also, just to make the decision to forgive is a huge step in the right direction. Wanting to forgive, even though it seems impossible, is half the battle won. When God helps me, it is much easier to forgive. Then, if I find myself being unforgiving again, or even starting to think unforgiving thoughts, I continue to ask God to help me to forgive. It helps a lot, and as time goes on, I find my unforgiving thoughts stop.