How to forgive my therapist?

[mylunareclipse]

Thank you @hithere for sharing your experience. My therapist only does psychodynamic therapy so my guess is she is well experienced in it.
Not sure what’s happening with me I am thinking more and more about quitting. Something broken and I don’t know how to fix it anymore. I have been talking to her a lot but there’s nothing to be said anymore. I feel resigned and defeated. Not angry. Just tired. Not sure how to get out of this.

 

[Friday]

I have never talked about my “traumatic” memories in therapy and I have been in therapy for six years!!

Well, this (below) would explain that?

My therapist only does psychodynamic therapy

Something broken and I don’t know how to fix it anymore. I have been talking to her a lot but there’s nothing to be said anymore. I feel resigned and defeated. Not angry. Just tired. Not sure how to get out of this.

So perhaps in order to forgive your therapist… recognising all she HAS helped you with over the years, that has gotten you to a place where you have outgrown the need for her skills… and now need the skills of someone who specializes in trauma therapy?

My favorite teachers from grade school were phenom teachers. I learned a lot from them. But I needed new teachers, and new subjects, as I progressed.

My favorite GPs? Don’t perform my surgeries. When I need the skills of a surgeon, it doesn’t matter how much I like my doc, or what a fantastic GP he is. At least for a time, I need a specialist.

If I tried to get a university education from my faaaaavorite grade school teacher, or refused heart surgery unless my GP did it? Not only would both of us suffer from the attempt, but they’d quickly go from being lights in my memories (joy, strength, inspiration, security, et al), wonderful for all they have done for me, enshrined in my heart and mind … to my shit list.

Forgiveness doesn’t always, or even usually, mean everything goes back to the way it was, forever and always. Which one can know, very well, both intellectually and from experience, but? Outgrowing people is hard. The more important they have been to us? The harder it is.

Forgiveness is far more often a recognition, or understanding.

Forgiving her for not being someone who can go with you from the beginning to the end of where you want to go, and who you want to be, but is “only” one stage in your life? For not being the kind of therapist you need now? Is the kind of recognition and understanding which precipitates change… which is a whole ‘nother hard thing. Graduations aren’t easy. That’s why we ritualize the suckers. And they’re also rarely “the end”, but rather a pause between important steps.

I’m having difficulty concising things up, lately, so hopefully the above isn’t too tangled to make sense.

 

[Movingforward10]

That sounds a really challenging place to be @mylunareclipse. Feels profound.

I don't know if any of this makes sense and obviously ignore if it doesn't. But I've been looking up (with limited success) about hypoarousal and hyperarousal. As I think I have gone from one to the other and now in very low mood, which I think is this hypoarousal. Might be something this is making you experience?

Maybe working through it from a different angle may help process it?

 

[Muttly]

I feel like I was in a similar place to you not that long ago. Friday gave me similar advice to what she gave you. And I ended up leaving my old T and it was the right decision. And I hadn't fully forgiven her by the time I left but now I think I have. Sometimes forgiveness takes time and space. And sometimes moving on is the right thing to do. Is that true in your case? Only you can figure that out. One thing to keep in mind is if you move on and it doesn't work, you may still be able to go back to your old T if that is the right thing.

I'm sorry you are going through that. It's a hard place to be in.

 

[adam c]

hi, that's a difficult place to be. I had a similar experience with my therapist, who didn't want to hear about my trauma(and sometimes belittled it). I thought that what she was trying to help me live in the here and now, and she didn't want me to dwell on the past. However I needed someone to help me explore the trauma and not inhibit it. in the end I had to leave. It was the best thing i could have done, and have found someone who understands cptsd better. Not saying you have to leave, but if you don't feel safe expressing your trauma to your therapist, then that seems very sad. Think that might simply retraumatise you, so be careful, and above all, be kind to yourself.

 

[mylunareclipse]

Well one more thing happened and this time she didn’t even want to discuss it/ share anything from her side and it was again me slowly approaching the topic of me dissociating and her flipping at me in that moment as I said the word she said in that moment didn’t ring true and she made the snarkiest comment about how I could correct her grammar if I wished. Spent a whole other session trying to talk about what happened and she wouldn’t engage and said she was just listening. So that’s it I am taking a break for now.

 

[Muttly]

I'm sorry you feel like you need to take a break. I know that's a hard place to be in. It definitely sounds like a challenging relationship

 

[Movingforward10]

I'm sorry @mylunareclipse .
She sounds like she is being clumsy at the moment.
I hope the break helps you a bit.