How To Get Back Into The Saddle After Awakening From Dark Times?

[Mallaky]

So, I have had two very bad months. You know, when everything is so awful that the few times one is not utterly numb one desperately wished one were.

I don't even dare to hope that time is over now, but today I can think. For weeks now I have felt nothing but terror and confused hate and despair and yesterday night I could feel it go away. As if all the stress and darkness suddenly flowed out. I felt as if I had the very first conscious and rational thought I have had in months. But I also feel terribly deflated.

I feel tired now. Defeated. Most of all I feel clueless. What to do now? How to go about moving on from terrible times and the terrible life I had lived the last weeks? I am so tired. But at least I am not hatefull and terrorized anymore.

For those who can relate: What to do now? How to move on? How do I go about returning to healing, now that I feel I lost all my progress and feel incapable of fighting.

I have gone 3 steps forward, 2 steps back for years now and I was satisfied. But I fear I need to start anew and that is a terrible thought.

 

[Sandstone]

I haven't anything to offer right now, but it is lovely to hear from you again. It can't be starting agian from scratch - you will carry forward the lessons you learned.

 

[ShodokanJenn]

I can relate to what you are feeling. My best explanation is to use my martial arts as an example. I had my red belt at age 19. That is the last belt before black. My circumstances radically changed and I stopped going to classes. Eight years went by, where I didn't practice at all. Then I went back to class. I had to relearn everything, but it didn't take anywhere even close to as long, and it was very easy to relearn. Within a year, I tested for my black belt. I think our recovery is like that. Sometimes we end up going backwards and having to relearn/redo so much. But it's easier and faster than the first time.

I'm sorry you've had such a rough go of things lately, but I'm glad things seem to be looking up for you now.