I've been having a lot of trouble with my husband over the last few years... While I'm not a professional and can't diagnose, his patterns seem to fit in with some personality disorders, partly paranoid and partly schizotypal, if I were to guess. He treated me well and worked early on, only to slowly stop working and contributing financially and housework-wise over the years, while blogging constantly on conspiracy websites and such. (Yes, I know, some conspiracies turn out true, but let's not go there right now...)
While I wasn't having many ptsd symptoms (a number of years after a decade of therapy in the 90s), I decided to try to have a life and married him. I guess my boundaries have never been great, though, as I was supposed to take care of everyone except myself as a kid... My dependent mother, my abusive brother... Luckily my dad & grandmother encouraged my education, so I have strong cognitive skills and a good education etc.
I'm finally divorcing my husband, though, after a year of him sitting on the couch approx. 22 hours/day. If he were willing to work on any of his issues at all, things could be different. He doesn't see himself as having problems though. He's quite manipulative and is casting himself as the victim in a wide variety of ways; he had not even tried to get a job while I struggled to keep mine going -- hasn't bothered him in the least. Now he's trying but it's only because he has to -- he's not actually motivated to be an equal partner.
Everything seems to be all about him, in spite of my encouragement and financial support over the last 10 yrs... (From my perspective, anyhow.) The "Out of the Fog" website has been helpful.
Having someone emotionally manipulate you and question your memory of things for their own purposes, when you are actually having memory issues from dissociation which gets worse from stress, is extremely stressful. On the (sort of twisted) plus side, his lack of functioning is so profound I can't really doubt myself on perceiving that in spite of his excuses.
My childhood abuse-related issues with all this are hard to figure out but strong. I think in order to leave him, which I finally realized was necessary for my survival, some dissociated old stuff is popping up as I've had to deal with it. It feels like I bonded with him because a younger part really wanted a strong connection, even though it wasn't a really healthy one. This part is having trouble now; I feel really isolated even when I have friends to meet in an hour. No kids, about to be a divorced 50-yr old female with more old trauma to deal with. Feeling like a failure in spite of my adult self telling myself I contribute with lots of volunteer stuff etc.
Dissociated parts and conflicting emotions are really confusing... Any help or ideas would be really appreciated.
While I wasn't having many ptsd symptoms (a number of years after a decade of therapy in the 90s), I decided to try to have a life and married him. I guess my boundaries have never been great, though, as I was supposed to take care of everyone except myself as a kid... My dependent mother, my abusive brother... Luckily my dad & grandmother encouraged my education, so I have strong cognitive skills and a good education etc.
I'm finally divorcing my husband, though, after a year of him sitting on the couch approx. 22 hours/day. If he were willing to work on any of his issues at all, things could be different. He doesn't see himself as having problems though. He's quite manipulative and is casting himself as the victim in a wide variety of ways; he had not even tried to get a job while I struggled to keep mine going -- hasn't bothered him in the least. Now he's trying but it's only because he has to -- he's not actually motivated to be an equal partner.
Everything seems to be all about him, in spite of my encouragement and financial support over the last 10 yrs... (From my perspective, anyhow.) The "Out of the Fog" website has been helpful.
Having someone emotionally manipulate you and question your memory of things for their own purposes, when you are actually having memory issues from dissociation which gets worse from stress, is extremely stressful. On the (sort of twisted) plus side, his lack of functioning is so profound I can't really doubt myself on perceiving that in spite of his excuses.
My childhood abuse-related issues with all this are hard to figure out but strong. I think in order to leave him, which I finally realized was necessary for my survival, some dissociated old stuff is popping up as I've had to deal with it. It feels like I bonded with him because a younger part really wanted a strong connection, even though it wasn't a really healthy one. This part is having trouble now; I feel really isolated even when I have friends to meet in an hour. No kids, about to be a divorced 50-yr old female with more old trauma to deal with. Feeling like a failure in spite of my adult self telling myself I contribute with lots of volunteer stuff etc.
Dissociated parts and conflicting emotions are really confusing... Any help or ideas would be really appreciated.
