General How to mentally heal?

[Tinyflame]

I've been in that position. It was abusive, ultimately. Being kept around when I tried not to be.

But the thing is, though people all have troubles, no relationship survives blaming the other person; yes both people have parts in it, or it wouldn't be a relationship. Either the problems don't get solved, or the love dies. If there was love, as in loving the other person for who they are, not who in your mind you made them up to be, which is often confused with the honeymoon period. Or someone who exists just to bolster one's ego. Even the honeymoon period doesn't need to end- provided you actually know who someone is and love them for that, and vice versa. But people who love one another don't project that love by tearing the other person apart; they feel badly if they do, because their heart cares. Words and actions matter. JMHO though.

 

[abandon455]

Yea, i try not to be kept around and ignore it just to get guilt or maybe i’ll just go away forever then or told 80 times how were not getting back together. And being explained how she doesint trust me and since she doesint she cant see me and if she cant see me then we need to be done. It’s just weird then she goes why cant you talk to me normally and see this is why i can’t see you because your angry i texted you at 7am because you ignored me to tell you i’m done for the 80th time. Its just weird, draining and don’t know why she keeps contacting me.then she freaks out when i stop replying.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'd guess- control.

It's your responsibility to work on yourself- but her's to work on herself. Love doesn't have an aim of control, or abuse when you choose, or manipulation, or deceit, or guilting, or 'you owe me', or threats, or ego, or taking each other, or your relationship, for granted. Coercion, threats, guilt, berating the other and blaming the other, those are not loving acts. So maybe love is not the motivation underlying her behaviours.

 

[abandon455]

Do people like that ever change or learn or just do it forever?

 

[Tinyflame]

It's not my experience they change if they prefer it, and/ or think it's others that are in the wrong. The one similar variable we take to every relationship- is ourselves.

 

[abandon455]

Usually they always think others are in the wrong.