How To Not Fail Somatic Experiencing Therapy

[SeaQuel]

I just started with a new somatic experiencing therapist (I wrote another thread recently about the disaster that was the first guy who I finally kicked the curb). I really, really like the new person and there is a such a stark difference from the last guy. On top of having a personality I can mesh with, she is top in her field, has tons of experience working with trauma, leads teacher trainings, etc. And rather unsurprisingly does not accept insurance. So I'm paying a significant amount of money out of pocket to see this person, and it's causing me anxiety/pressure to make sure it works for me!

I know therapy is not something one can force. But I'm really worried that all of this money is going to be a waste if I can't get something out of this. And I'm worried that I won't be able to "connect" with my body and that I'm going to fail at this as I have with other therapies.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to get the most out of this? Yes, I know I should probably tell my therapist about these concerns, but I'm sure she'll just say something about how maybe it's enough for my body to just be there in the room. How am I supposed to be patient whilst choking down such a huge bill?

 

[watundah]

I find with SE that I am often my worst enemy by being resistant or feeling stupid and self conscious or numbing out. I get the most out of it when I try to pish myself past my comfort zone, which is extremely difficult for me. Saying what I feel in my body is tough when I am numb. I would suggest small steps and stretching yourself without being too self judgemental is the way to go. I am in the same bucket re self pay and lots of money going down the drain because I can be so resistant. It's a difficult combination.

 

[SeaQuel]

I don't if it's the comfort zone aspect as much as I just don't know if I can really know and feel what my body is trying to say. I am imagine people practicing SE are aware that this doesn't just come naturally and help you through it somehow?

 

[watundah]

Yes, by suggesting you feel your feet on the floor, your legs, your sit bones on the chair, breathing exercises and so on. They will guide you.

 

[Chava]

Are you saying "get the most out of it" because of the financial concerns (understandable)? Because I don't actually think pushing yourself to do what you just cannot do right now (like feel yourself inside your body, connect to feelings, describe them, etc) is something you can force.

Also, depending on your type of trauma, it can take very long even with a good therapist. I do SE and it' a very good fit for my complex trauma and body disconnection. But this has also made it feel like I'm learning a wildly different language. I have to move in pretty slow steps, and they are still overwhelming. I can say that what does help make use of the time is feeling like you have a therapist and form of therapy that is right for you. Then it is easier to relax and let down your guard some, but it has been hard for me even with a therapist I like. Learning how to listen to my body, notice, and work through various sensations and feelings has taken a good amount of time. I also waver between resistance and sort of numbness, but in hindsight I've gotten better at using those periods to beef up my resources in my own world.

I can not push myself. I'm too self-destructive. I push a little too hard and I collapse backwards harder. I'm very glad my therapist doesn't push either. But I understand the financial stress. Under my new insurance she was not covered for a while and I found it hard to even connect with her because in my head I wasn't sure if I could only afford a couple more months or what (she did some work to get in with my network though, which really altered my anxiety and let me just allow my own snail-speed process).

So, to set aside the anxiety, are you able to find a way to just make paying for sessions doable for some unspecified amount of time? The positive connection to the therapist and a willingness to let the process unfold are probably most helpful for "making the most" of my SE...not any one thing I do in sessions exactly. Some weeks not much happens or I feel quite disconnected...just how it goes. If the stress is too much and the pressure to push yourself and "feel" and heal faster, etc, is too strong or distracting you might check with someone who accepts insurance.

 

[Crow]

I've been doing se for six years, paying premium no insurance fees. Every session I'd be thinking "this is $4 a minute. I'm so wasting my money. Who cares what my muscles are doing? " So I completely relate. It wasn't until I realized & accepted that the $4 a minute is an investment in my future (and my now) that I was really able to benefit from the therapy. I know it's hard. I'm still spending 40% of my take home pay on therapy. But I also see how much I'm more involved in my own life. It's working. I did talk to my T about my feelings on the money. It helped a lot.

 

[Crow]

I am imagine people practicing SE are aware that this doesn't just come naturally and help you through it somehow?

After a long while of therapy, it becomes second nature.

 

[SeaQuel]

@Chava thanks for sharing your experiences with SE, that's very helpful... and hopeful.

you might check with someone who accepts insurance.

are you able to find a way to just make paying for sessions doable for some unspecified amount of time?

I actually did go with someone else initially who accepted my insurance (I wrote another thread recently about him), but that turned into a big mistake as he was not very skilled (despite having the SE certification) and suffice to say we were not in any way, shape, or form connecting.

My regular therapist had referred me to the person I just started seeing, and I should have trusted her referral in the first place, but I really wanted to find someone who actually took my insurance. And apparently that's impossible in my area. I actually feel angry about this. My new person doesn't participate with any providers, and my insurance plan doesn't provide any reimbursement at any level if I go out of network. If I knew of an insurance plan that actually did reimburse out-of-network providers, I might consider switching.

I just don't understand how these people claim to be in the helping profession, but then make it impossible for the people who need the help to get it. My new person also doesn't do evening or weekend appointments. So I have to bust my ass just to get there in the middle of my work day, try and not think about how I'm spending money I don't have, and then compose myself enough to go back to work and finish out the day. How is that helpful???

All that said, I know she is worth it, and as long as I can actually see results (however incremental they might be), then I'd be willing to pay for a specified amount of sessions for a specified amount of time. What I didn't like with craniosacral therapy was that I was not given any sort of guideline of when I could expect to start experiencing results. Despite the "shifts" that were supposedly occurring, I just couldn't justify continuing to shell out check after check without having something more concrete than that (noticeable symptom decrease etc).

The way I left it with the SE therapist (I've only seen her just the once) is that she would talk to my regular therapist, get a better feel for what the traumas are (I asked for them to touch base), and then she could provide me with a sense of how many sessions we might need. So that's the information I'm waiting on.

It wasn't until I realized & accepted that the $4 a minute is an investment in my future (and my now) that I was really able to benefit from the therapy.

This is exactly what I'm trying to focus on. The investment will be worth it in a very literal sense if it allows me to maintain a job (something I've been struggling with), and in a more abstract sense, to have a better quality of life.

I'm really glad to hear this has worked for you!

 

[Chava]

What I didn't like with craniosacral therapy was that I was not given any sort of guideline of when I could expect to start experiencing results

This has not at all been my experience with SE either. But my therapist is very process-oriented, not structured (works for me), and treating me for complex trauma. Early on I felt impatient to know when I'd start feeling better. Then I started realizing how true change had to happen quite slowly and gradually for me.

It's good you have the therapists comparing notes and maybe looking at some timeline. I don't know what your trauma is, but if more acute, like a recent accident or shock trauma, SE supposedly can help relatively quickly. If childhood trauma, a timeline would feel like more pressure. Just when I think I have it figured out another ghost or some deeper layer of chaos appears. And I'd be a wreck to have to stop in the middle of these upheavals.

Sounds like you're trying carefully to weigh things out. It really does suck about insurance. Probably she doesn't want to deal with it and feels she can get enough clients without it, but really only clients with decent/good salaries...so yeah, that sort of stuff is depressing.

 

[SeaQuel]

I had my second appointment this week with the new SE therapist. There were so many weeks in between the first and second appointments (I had to cancel once, and she was away for two weeks) that it felt like this second appointment was a repeat of the first. So I've already spent a boatload of money and we are no farther along. I know I need to somehow relax around the money, but I just don't know how when we aren't even doing anything beyond the "talking about therapy" intro stuff.

She spoke with my regular therapist (three weeks ago) at my request, but seemingly remembered nothing and got my trauma all wrong. She mentioned the "trauma I had experienced overseas," and as soon as I corrected her and said that that wasn't me, then she explained it had been a while since she had looked at her notes. Couldn't she have done that before my appointment? WTF. I would have been devastated had I actually told her of my trauma myself and she didn't remember. At least it was my therapist who had told her.

Apparently they agreed that her goal would be to help me better regulate my system. She doesn't want to duplicate my therapist's efforts and sees this as adjunctive therapy. But she still couldn't give me any sense of timing and just said that I could go 2-3 more sessions and we could touch base then.

I feel discouraged. In my perfect world, she would have come to that second appointment with an understanding of my background (from having talked to my therapist) and a clearly defined plan for how to move forward. Instead I got a repeat of the first "getting to know you" session and an erroneous account of my trauma. I don't know what the point is.

ETA: She also mentioned brain spotting and EMDR, so we might try those methods as well. My homework for next week is to "ask my body" what trauma it wants to work on first. f*ck if I know.

 

[Chava]

It's a slow process to even know how to listen to your body. So the therapist wanted to hear more of the trauma info from you...I understand the impatience, but consider how that might color any progress because you will be looking for results when maybe you are in the middle of an important process that involves needing to just be in that process and not try to leap ahead or find clear and easy results all the time (or even very soon).

The money/insurance stuff sucks. Maybe you have to make a decision....either yes, you'll make it work (which could help you tolerate the process and find ways to also begin to communicate with the therapist and be part of the process...like tell her "f*ck if I know" and she should be able to respond with something helpful. Or if you say no, then you eliminate all the money stress. But it sounds like you're looking for quick progress or obvious results and thinking constantly about money. SE is sometimes slow and process-oriented. Especially if you have multiple traumas or are really disconnected or cut off from your body.

 

[SeaQuel]

I met with my regular therapist who made me realize that the "overseas trauma" the SE therapist mentioned was actually about me - I guess I just didn't realize that that was a "trauma" and it's not something we've focused on, ever. It's definitely not in my top 3 and it just didn't even occur to me, so I assumed she was confusing me with someone else.

I still think it's weird she chose to mention that "trauma" and nothing that had actually caused my PTSD. My therapist gave her a full overview. How is that the only thing that stuck in her brain? It's so comparatively insignificant to me and to anyone who had read my case file.

My therapist said it was possible that she was being intentional and trying to maybe start with more of a "soft ball." I don't think that's the case based on her response when I corrected her, claiming it had been a while since she had looked at her notes. It honestly just felt like she didn't give a shit. Not enough to review her notes, or remember me.