How to stop moving?

[Epona]

Hello friends!

I'm wondering if anyone has a similar experience or advice.
I can't stop moving, I've been living out of my backpack for about ten years...doing seasonal work, "travelling" (ahem, running) round the world...exploring, seeing, volunteering, seeking...
Drifting, not engaging, avoiding...

I really want to stop, to put roots down and find my potential (I know my calling is not being a professional backpacker) but the thought of staying still TERRIFIES me I feel sick thinking about it.
No country, no community is appealing enough to abate my fear.

...any ideas, helpful tips on stopping.
I'm so exhausted from moving around and living in other people's lives and never fully thriving in my own.

Are there any strategies I haven't discovered that would help facilitate my desire to LAND?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thank you :)

 

[Friday]

I haven't found home, yet, either.

I finally came around to the idea of home base. It wasn't where I would stay forever. It wasn't even where I would stay all year. It was just a place to come back to.

It took a lot of false starts. I walked away from IDFK how many places, over how many years, as I learned to do it. I didn't beat myself up over it. Give it a go. Learn from it. Give it another go. Learn from that.

Eventually I found for my own peace of mind I really need to be elsewhere for at least 3mo a year. That keeps me travel ready. That means I'm not stuck here, not trapped here, but choosing to be here. This place I come back to. I really prefer only being here about 6mo a year, but 3 is kind of the minimum. For my own sake I found it was usually better to be a little Unpredictable about when I was coming and going. I had friends who always dug in Israel over the summer, or who went south each winter. I couldn't do that. Some patterns were okay, things to look forwards to, to know they were coming to get me through this run moment. But I really liked switching around what seasons I was here for, and which seasons I was gone for. The vivacity, the freedom, the peace of knowing that I was choosing to stay in this place, and choosing when to leave, and choosing when to come back. Sometimes I'd leave for a week or three. A normal enough vacation. Sometimes I'd leave for 5 months. And I was always free to relocate my home base.

One thing that also helped were boats. Boats are homes that move. No matter where in the world? What port, what marina? Same boat. Coming back to the same place. That was fairly early on in my deciding whether or not to be a part of the world in a... Singular... Way. One of the things that helped me see it might be okay to return to somewhere.

I still haven't found home. And some years I have been virtually trapped. (You're never trapped if you're used to travelling & backpacking. Worst case scenario, you get what you need as you need it. But if the choice is leave and lose home base for want of money to keep it while gone, or stay and keep it? It can be a hard choice to make. And not one I did make in early years.) So it's still a learning experience, for me. A work in progress.

 

[Stitchin]

Yep, I am also a runner. I agree with what Friday said about a home base. I've had one for three years now, but I still don't feel like it's "home" and can't see any roots forming.

 

[desiderata310]

I'm certainly not on the scale of you and Friday but my entire life the longest I've lived in one house has been 5 years when I tried to 'settled down' and have the 'American dream'. Otherwise? It's been a year in this place, a year and a half in that place, 6 months in that residence, a year there. I just got settled into my current residence and I realize that I'm already getting antsy to move again or leave the area entirely.

I keep thinking I'll find that place that makes me feel that I've found a home and the place I 'should be' but I've been living like this literally my entire life. I think it's only going to get worse now that the kids have all graduated and moved out on their own.

 

[gealach]

It's been a year in this place, a year and a half in that place, 6 months in that residence, a year there.

In my entire adult life, the longest I've stayed in one place is 1 ½ years. I'm constantly on the move. I'm thinking about settling down, and buying a house :nailbiting:, only because renting is now twice as expensive as a mortgage, and I have an aging parent that will be permanently living with me sooner rather than later.

It may be that you'll find a place you want to stay in, when the circumstances of your life require more stability. Until then, you are Epona the horse goddess, and horses need room to roam. Slainte!