How To Talk About Past

[katiekat]

I had a therapy session today and left feeling fairly defeated. My last session went great and my therapist said he would like to dive into my past next time, but we didn't. He didn't bring it up, and I am too much of a wimp to bring it up myself.

I don't know what my problem is. It feels so awkward to bring up my past because I don't know where to start. I don't have a lot of concrete memories about my abuse, some of it was neglect, and I also don't feel very much emotion surrounding the things I remember.

I mostly talked to him about my fiancé problems and my career. These are two things I need to figure out, but I feel like my "trauma" has to be dealt with in order to figure out my other problems.

How do I bring this stuff up? I am still really uncomfortable with the fact that I have PTSD from things I don't feel a whole lot of emotion about. Is this normal? Just wanting to get that out and start a convo about this. Thanks :)

(Not sure if this goes in this section so please feel free to move if necessary.)

 

[Hashi]

Hi katiekat,

You might get more responses if you ask for this to be moved to the Therapy section. You can do that by clicking on the Report button at the bottom of your post and writing a message to moderators in the box that comes up. (Alternatively, you could post a request in the Help Desk section including a link to the thread.)

If you're ready to start talking about the past in the therapy, that doesn't mean all or nothing. You can do it in stages. In fact, I'd suggest you first of all tell your therapist exactly what you've said here. You could explain that you don't know where to start, feel awkward, don't feel much emotion about the events and the other things you've said.

I've always found that talking about the difficulties of talking has been very helpful in therapy. It helps your therapist and you work out approaches and pace things appropriately.

 

[katiekat]

Hashi, I think your suggestion is really good. I have done that a few times and it has worked well. Thanks for the reminder :)

 

[Hope4Now]

I had a therapy session today and left feeling fairly defeated.

Had the same experience on Monday and the week before. I think I'm ready to talk about it, but then we don't. I know I need to process it, but it's not happening. I did ask him at one point, and he said that we needed to slow things down because I was getting "flooded". I agree with what katiekat said...share with your therapist what you said here. Also, what approach to therapy is he using? I went through four years, 3x per week, when I was in college (long before I found out I have cptsd), but it was just cognitive therapy and I never really resolved anything. I talked about a lot of things from a completely emotionally dissociated way.

It feels so awkward to bring up my past because I don't know where to start.

I totally get this too. When there doesn't seem to be anything really concrete to focus on, and when you're feeling emotionally distanced from stuff, it is totally awkward. Like, do you say, "Okay, I'd like to talk about the time my mother told me that I had to get my facial scar fixed or nobody would marry me." (True by the way, but it is such a minor example and really doesn't get to the core of the issues). One thing my therapist says is "Everything is a trailhead." So you can start with whatever is on your mind, and perhaps your therapist will help you get to the deeper stuff?

 

[BloomInWinter]

Any therapy session where we showed up is NEVER a defeat.

Sometimes, sessions are just a re-establishing of feelings of safety and trust. Or, just building the habit of going to therapy. But that's never a waste.

"Avoidance" is the word used to describe retreating from things which are distressing to us. It doesn't make us weak. It's a normal human defense mechanism, and though therapists do have to nudge us to eventually begin facing that which we avoid, we get to decide when we are feel strong enough to confront whatever it is.

Try not to judge yourself for having avoidance. It's your brain's way of keeping you from being overwhelmed, and that is not a bad thing for awhile. Especially if our current lives aren't stabilized enough to provide the support we'll need during trauma processing.

Talk about anything, and trust that it'll lead you where your psyche needs to go for healing. It will. You're a survivor, or you wouldn't be here.