How to work with co-workers who hate each other's guts?

[ms spock]

Okay this is not going to be easy.

The 85 year old has been texting me about training on Wednesday but I am not available on Wednesdays. I do Grants writing on Wednesday, which she knows and so she is trying to bully me via text to turn up despite me saying politely no.

I said I do X on X with X and she said well surely you can turn up on Wednesday at 9am because the other lady is always late. I said did she want to start at 8.30am or earlier? So we are at an impasse. I don't want to fight with her now but her capacity to be reasonable sends limited!

And maybe I should have left answering her text tomorrow.

I inserted good news about her books but that didn't mollify her.

The 65 year old is not talking to me which is a great relief, but now would be one of those times where a strategy on how to handle the 85 year old would assist. It actually may not be possible. There may be no way to handle her unless she gets her own way.

I could be preparing for other jobs. This is a waste of my time and energy.

I need to get to the point where stuff like this doesn't upset me.

 

[ms spock]

This really sucks!

 

[Friday]

I am going to get presents for the 85 year old and the 65 year old at the end of the term, and go out with a positive note.

Are you sure this isn’t fawning?

Getting presents for people when you leave is something generally done for good friends and people you deeply respect and enjoyed working with, regardless of your social connection inside/outside of work, not people who drove you crazy during a super short gig. OR by bosses for employees (the classic gold watch after 30 years, bottle of scotch after a particularly successful stint). Juniors giving presents to seniors is usually viewed as ass kissing. Sometimes strategic ass kissing, like if you don’t do it there will be marks against you, but this doesn’t seem like that kind of job.

It seems like the worse they treat you the more determined you are to stay and make them like you.

All of the far better opportunities you’ve had in front of you, or even turned down, to POUR energy into this one.

X2 After reading the below.

I could be preparing for other jobs. This is a waste of my time and energy.

 

[The Albatross]

I didn't have gifting anything of use that I didn't want or need to the remaining employees. In my way it was a way to show em I was gonna miss them. But I think it's individual. Naw, I don't think in her case it's fawning. In my case, it felt good to get rid of cast off stuff to people who needed it and felt good to both be assistive and close the door at the same time.

 

[ms spock]

Yeah you are right in one way @Friday, but in another way it is strategic defusing. The 85 year old is really quite vindictive, and so it is a strategy to actually make it harder for her to just bitch about me and run me down across the Gold Coast area, an area which she is supremely networked in. Presents for both women, and the kids (I love those kids, they are totally awesome) on the last day will mean that it is harder for her to character assassinate me. But also it means I finish off with the kids on a high note, and for some of those kids - adults just disappearing out of their lives with no explanation is really stressful and distressing for them because of their histories. If I gave the kids a present and not the 85 year old or the 65 year old (honestly for the good stuff that they do - and despite their behaviours there are positives) - they would attack me in public and have a go. Finishing off the promised time - you just can't up and leave your kids, they need to know that you care and I have built up good rapport with these kids - that is meeting my commitments, and also prevents her trashing me as well. I am doing what I said I would do. I can publicly praise the 85 year old and the 65 year old and also thank the kids for being so awesome, (and those kids despite any behavioural problems) are totally awesome. I love the kids, and I want to add to their quality of life and not be another adult who just passes through and leaves them, too many of them have already lived through that.

All the shite aside, it is the kids are who are important, so if I leave on good terms, with thanks and presents, it sets a different tone. And a positive tone for some of these kids is highly important because of what they have lived through. All venting aside I want to do right by the kids.

But you are on the money I am a fawner. So I don't contest your assessment of me. This time I am going for strategic management of a very difficult pair of people.

And also having a reference from the 85 year old would be quite useful in applying for other jobs. And for her to say anything positive about any one else that person has invested time in massaging her ego.

 

[ms spock]

Okay the 85 year old - well the whole program has changed again for today. And in giving me the new information she let me know I am expected to teach it. I am glad I know that now. It's not long now and I will be away from this.

 

[ms spock]

Great news!

I got booked in to work at a lovely school tomorrow, which is teaching Science outdoors to Grade 4s!

Woo hoo!

So I and texted and emailed the 85 year old and the 65 year old that I won't be into tomorrow, because I need the paid work!

The 85 year old tried to say I didn't communicate clearly, and that things not happening were my fault. I have given two clear and explicit forms of communication that I won't be in.

I will now email the President, and let her know I won't be in to talk to her tomorrow re grants funding. So I am being timely, professional and also well organised.

 

[ms spock]

All done. I am organised.

 

[ms spock]

So the other way of managing this is actually to not turn up unless I am teaching. I could just say I am busy working the other days, and only turn up on Friday afternoons and teach or assist as the case may be. So that is another option.

 

[ms spock]

So screw my psychiatrist - I don't always want to do experiential learning! Why can't she give more hints?

So basically when people behave like this - you resign immediately on the day that happens and you don't to back into an extremely abusive workplace. You put the complaint in writing and you walk away. OH shite! NOW SHE DISCUSSES THIS WITH ME?

f*ck this mistake as almost cost me my health - I am SO burnt out. She pointed out that it hasn't been worth it! So really damn my psychiatrist to someone not pleasant but also not too annoying because basically she is pretty good.

So I have to get smarter with working out workplaces is the take home message!

 

[ms spock]

My psy is basically send in a resignation letter now. It's not worth it.

I wrote the letter but didn't send it. Got to finish off with one kid and one parent.

 

[barefoot]

I’ve only just taken a look at this thread and have skimmed through all the pages of posts. Wow! Sounds like it has been incredibly turbulent, stressful and unpleasant. I think it’s noble of you that you’ve hung in there this long, honouring your original commitment to work a certain timeframe and doing what you can to have transparent, professional communication to try to get things on track.

But I agree with your last post - I really don’t think it’s worth it. You’ve likely learnt some stuff from being there (around teaching/working with the kids) and around working with tricky people. But I really don’t see that you need to hang around any longer in that toxic environment where you are being treated so poorly.

You don’t need it. You’ve learnt some stuff there, you now have other - much better - opportunities. Staying there any longer isn’t going to develop you any further professionally or serve you in any other way. It’ll just be more of the same - you putting up with a couple of unpleasant people who haven’t got themselves together (and I doubt that will ever change!) and who are treating you badly.

Please relieve yourself of this stress and nastiness and take your talents to the schools who will appreciate you and where you will then find you can create more positive impact.

You’ve more than done your bit for them so, in the words of RuPaul, sashay away ?