How voluntary is your dissociation?

[gorgonzola]

In describing some of my experiences to my T, they noted that it was "unusual" for dissociation to have a voluntary component.

I can't do that from scratch, but if stress levels get close enough to involuntary dissociation then I find I can consciously choose to jump the rest of the way. "f*ck this shit, I'm out of here" is how I have phrased it with depersonalization.

I've only actually practiced this with derealization, so maybe that's a transferable skill. My memory falls short of being complete and reliable when it comes to trauma time, but what is there does record that some major dissociation back then was a conscious choice, so maybe that's where I get it from.

I'd say I can jump the remaining gap when I'm about 80% of the way to involuntary depersonalization, and about 50% when it comes to derealization.

What are everyone else's experiences, if i may be so bold as to ask?

 

[Friday]

- My daydreaming is 99% voluntary.

- My reaction to a MASSIVE adrenaline dump? Is about 50% voluntary. As in I provoke it, as a coping mechanism… sometimes… prolly most similar to the voluntary disassociation people provoke with SELF HARM. They’re entirely chemical reactions in the brain/body, that people who self harm, and adrenaline junkies, provoke on purpose for the… PEACE. OMFG. EVEN JUST A MOMENT OF RELIEF. Addicts also do this, but they aren’t using their own body’s’ chemical supply, but outside chemicals.

^^^ There’s some debate as to how voluntary the disassociation is with antianxiety, antipsychotic, hypno, etc. drugs are. My own view, is that if they’re familiar with the effects, and as such, can direct them? Then it’s very little different from an adrenaline junkie, addict, cutter, bulimia, etc., in riding out the wave of PEACE. A choice to go there, at which level, and for how long? Is a choice. It’s directed. That IS different from being able to go “there” at will. Or there wouldn’t be junkies, self-harmers, better living through chemistry folk… people would simply “decide” & voila! So there’s that.

- As long as I’m not in pain I can step aside, voluntarily, in myriad different ways / levels (none as profound as when I’m provoking a chemical STFU). So that one runs about 50/50, as well. As no matter how much I might like to disassociate when I’m in pain? Pain brings me forward, rather than kissing me goodbye. I don’t even pass out during surgery without anaesthesia. And most people can’t stay conscious, but pass the f*ck out, at that level of pain. Buggers.

- My flashbacks, zoning out, lost time, etc. are completely involuntary.

 

[Chris-duck]

I have done it quite often involuntarily but ive also had times where ive been in a stressful situation n losing my shit n been like "why you dealing with this when you can just switch it off?" Boom. Gone. So I can do it voluntarily to an extent but id have to already be stressing out.

 

[gorgonzola]

I have done it quite often involuntarily but ive also had times where ive been in a stressful situation n losing my shit n been like "why you dealing with this when you can just switch it off?" Boom. Gone. So I can do it voluntarily to an extent but id have to already be stressing out.

Might I ask if you have any other somewhat off-piste bits of PTSD presentation? Mine are additionally: delayed expression measured in decades, hypervigilance in the "if it has two legs and can walk, it's a threat" range, having a particular common grounding technique described to me triggers an emotional flashback (which I don't think was on my T's 2025 bingo card), and intrusion directly dukes it out with avoidance in that I have a recurring intrusion of a copy of my trauma that gets avoided by being smudged out then buried by amnesia within a few minutes (which is a weird experience - I think).

 

[beaneeboo]

Interesting thread.

I don't think dissociation is voluntary. I think you can have voluntary reactions to it once it's started, and in that way you can influence how much it takes hold (with lots of practice/ education). But i don't think you get to control starting it out of nothing and nowhere. It's an automatic mechanism which is involuntary.

I think you can learn what some of your triggers are and manage yourself around those to lessen the likelihood you get triggered into it... and over time, with repeated triggers which are, lets say, more mild or controlled (eg certain topics of convo in therapy) you can learn to lessen your dissociative response. But I wouldn't say you can make yourself dissociate from nothing - without the help of certain drugs.

I think once the situation is there to trigger you into it, you can perhaps manipulate how much you dissociate if you're very practised at it. But even then not necessarily.

But that's just me and my experience of it all

 

[gorgonzola]

But i don't think you get to control starting it out of nothing and nowhere.

I have tried from scratch (i.e. in a relatively low-stress environment i.e. home) and get kicked out of dissociation before I get there. It's only if I'm stressed that the metaphorical pressable button starts actually working.