Huge Problems With Memory. It's Scaring Me.

[Springer80]

Hi Guys,

My memory was getting bad and then quite subconsciously I started making decisions to remove obligations from my life. I am currently off work. I'm exhausted, not enough energy to make my body run properly never mind do work stuff. I don't mind it. I don't know what I'm going to do instead but it's rather neat that I haven't got the energy to worry about it either!I couldn't carry on like that.

I'd cancel bank cards and forget, loads of people do stuff like that but when the error was pointed out, I'd have no recollection of it whatsoever. That freaked the crap out of me. I'd go to the shop to buy something and be staring at the shelf for a box of tea and couldn't pick them up individually.

I spent my last birthday, lying on my living room floor because I didn't have the capacity to arrange anything. The weird thing is the relief. I don't want to live like that obviously. But the relief is palpable.

I

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

Springer, the same things happen to me, except that I was standing in front of the shelf in the supermarkt full of cheese and I was looking for a cheese even saying cheese, cheese not to forget it, but I was not able to find any... Good that nobody cared around.

The same also with lying on the floor, good to have gravity.

 

[Springer80]

Ha! Would you believe it, I've been feeling steam rollered flat all week. Too tired to even speak to my family. I called my mum today and ten minutes into the conversation, she said 'Its my birthday, did you forget?'

I was shocked. A tear rolled out of my eye. I'm still crying. I can't figure if its relief or if I'm a little bit scared but it's such a strange thing to acknowledge.

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

I know it can be frightening but it can happen to anyone.

Even if you hurt your hand for example, it might not function as you would expect for a while, you might not be able control it. It just more difficult accept it, when our mind / soul / brain is hurt.

Good that you called her.

 

[Heidi07]

The same with me. My brain has turned into swiss cheese. My T keeps asking me if I remember what we talked about the previous week. Of course I have no clue. It used to scare me too and I get mad at myself at times. It's a hard thing to face and accept. It has helped me a lot to read on the board here that I am not the only one facing this issue. When others can relate to you, it makes a big difference and I don't feel that "stupid" anymore.

 

[nimkekaa]

I do find a connection between the worst of my memory issues and what I am working on in therapy. If I am remembering a particularily tough memory that I have repressed for a long time it's like I have no capacity for current memories. This is the time I will walk into a room and forget what I was doing there or be driving and forget where I am going. It gets so intense that it scares me.

 

[Springer80]

I was chatting about this to a mate with PTSD from a car crash. Watching a lecture by Ramachandran on neurobiology gave me the idea :bookworm: , cos I was trying to explain what happened with the phone call to my mum. I can think on an everyday level, (like if you put a sugar lump in front of a horse it will move) and I know I have the information I need pooled up in the back of my head, but the link between the two 'the recal l line' as we ended up calling it, has given up. Why? Exhaustion, adrenal fatigue, vagus nerve issues, I don't know but it makes me feel better. I haven't suddenly become stupid or lazy.

 

[Springer80]

You know what eludes me on this level and it's not that specific to memory but cognition perhaps (therein lies the problem!). I don't have the capacity to construct and place my own 'sugar lumps' but I don't have anyone around to do it for me/help/or fit into their activity. I'm single and live alone and I've been off sick since April. So what do I do when all my energy will allow is basic sleep, eat, rest. I'm 32 and I refuse to be a walking coma. I want sugar lumps! I want a lovely boyfriend and a nice job were I make people feel good and more people in my life.

You know it's funny I call myself springer cos all my spring has sprung at the moment. Please don't take this as being defeatist. It isn't supposed to be, I'm just trying to figure a way.

Take Care
Sprunger!! :p XX

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

My T suggested that short term memory problems are typical for depression, but as you describe as well, I am not so sure at all, whether the core problem is there.

Sometimes it feels like an absence or error in the 'matrix'. Actually, if I remember well, for me the first sign was to forget my password to my phone that I used every day several times. It happened from one day to the other and it never came back.

Gone forever.

It is certainly affecting long term memory as well. I would also love to read more about it, if I could.

 

[Lina]

It happens to me when I get really stressed out, or if I'm triggered. I once stood in an elevator for at least five minutes wondering why it wasn't going anywhere before realizing I hadn't hit the button. Address the PTSD. Talk to your doctor, for sure, and see what they may be able to do for you. When any symptom gets to the point where it meddles in your life, it's time to see the doctor. ;) I hope you feel better soon. :)

 

[well bell]

I'm glad I found this thread about memory, I have the worst time with mine, but of course, it's very selectively spotty. The hypervigilence means I pay attention to elements of perceived danger.... but everything else seems to fall through the cracks.

I'm not very familar with this site yet, maybe someone could help direct me? I need information about accessing a specific set of blocked memories that I have logically realized must exist, but cannot directly view.

 

[Shellbell]

I suffer with memory loss. Big chunks of memory from my past relating to trauma missing. But also I forget everthing atm. It's a standing joke in our house now that if it's not in my phone with a reminder alarm - I will forget. I have an alarm to get up, an alarm to pick up my children from school/day care, an alarm to take my medication and all activities I need to do and all appts. My phone's calender is full lol! I even put reminders in my phone for me to take frozen food out of the freezer for dinner - which is quite embarrassing :oops:

If I need to take anything with me when I leave the house, it has to be by the front door. Or I have no chance of remembering to take it.

I also often have memory loss while in conversation. I will stop mid sentence and completely forget what I was just talking about.

Now remind me, what was this threat about?????