General Hurt.

[JS786]

After an entire month of an essentially non-existant relationship with my sufferer we are finally back on the right track. A week ago he reached out to me, apologized for being distant and things have been amazing since. He admitted to pushing me away because he was scared of his feelings and had been having a hard time, we talked about the future of our relationship and things are wonderful: he's answering 85% of my phone calls , reaches out to me just to say hi, we spent Sunday-Tuesday nights together just hanging out and being wonderful together and we have plans for tonight as well. He's being a much much better boyfriend than he was before.

Now, I try to take everything I see on Facebook with a grain of salt because it's usually stupid and petty, but earlier I was reading my feed, catching up on my "facebook stalking" (we all do it, dont judge, hah ;)) and I see that he has posted a wall post to his roommate letting him know he wouldnt know anything until Monday, but he was leaving to go to Connecticut for 6 weeks for a "military thing."

I am completely blind sided. At the beginning of July we'd talked about him leaving to go to CT for a 6-month PTSD clinic, but he then decided he didnt think this particular clinic would be helpful for him because he'd been to similar ones before. I know things can change and whatnot, but I never saw this coming at all. Honestly, 6 weeks is nothing. If he leaves Monday, he'll be back at the end of September. Not the end of the world.

I'm not mad that he has to go, frankly I think it would be wonderful for him to go and I think he'll come back being in a much better place than he is now. I have no problem sending letters, pictures, and silly articles. My older sister is in the Navy (and just returned from an Afghanistan deployment last week, her second in 18 months :giggle:), so I am very familiar with care packages and "thinking of you" letters/cards. What is hurtful to me isnt that he informed his roommate that he was leaving before telling me, but the fact that he posted it on FACEBOOK for all the world to see before him and I had a chance to discuss it.

Does he need my permission? Of course not, we're not married, we dont have kids, we dont live together, technically he doesnt owe me any explanation at all. I'm trying to have a thick skin, and I'm usually pretty good at letting things roll off my back, but for some reason this one is just nagging at me.

I'm sad because I dont know when he's leaving, we have plans for next Wednesday to see a baseball game, and we made tentative plans to go away with my family to Vermont in late September. Again, if he decides he has to go, I'm 110% supportive, but the selfish part of me wants him to stay... but I know that that's not realistic.

So like I said before, we have plans tonight and I have absolutely no idea what to do. Do I ask him about it? Do I wait until he brings it up? I dont want to upset him.

Maybe I'm overrecting, I dont know. I dont mean to come out as sounding unsupportive, whiny or bratty (or maybe I'm not.. I guess I just feel like I am) I just didnt really know where else to turn at this point. And I kind of needed this vent, a bit.

-JS

 

[IvyMillie]

Well I think that that would be hard for anyone, so don't feel bad. If you can manage to ask about it casually, you probably need to for your own sanity. If he knows you are on Facebook, he must assume you'd notice it sometime. Maybe he was waiting for a special moment to tell you. Or I don't know if it's a PTSD symptom or not, but my husband often forgets to tell me important things. Then he will say "I told you". Ummm I'm a girl there are some things I don't forget (we have good memories for certain things). So I think it's good that you give him the benefit of the doubt. He also may be distracted and although he cares about you, he might be consumed with a few other things right now.

Don't feel bad about your reaction--that is upsetting. However, before you are super upset try to find out all the particulars. It also may be that he is distracted by what he is going through and a bit thoughtless.

 

[JS786]

I saw him last night and he knew I was just having a bad day from the get-go, I sort of word-vomited all my stresses for the day on him when we were driving to dinner (work is stressful, starting to look for a new job is freaking me out, my "friends" have been less than supportive of my relationship mostly because they are ignorant to PTSD) and he just kind of said, "You probably dont need any more stress.. but..." and told me what was going on. He talked to his therapist and she thought it would be a good idea for him to go, unfortunately where we live in New England there isnt anything really super close.. he could end up in New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island, etc. but won't know anything until Monday.

My response to him was, "Okay." And he asked if I was mad, and I told him of course not I understood that he needs to do whats best for him, and I was prepared to deal with him leaving for six months, and after being ready for that, 6 weeks is really nothing. He said I could see him if I wanted to, but unfortunately he would be far away so he understood if I didnt come visit (give me a break, of course I will, jeez) and he would be back before I knew it. And I just told him we wouldnt know anything until Monday when he met with his therapist, to talk to her and make arrangements, dont worry about me and we'd figure it out once we had more information.

Then later on in the night we talked about it again where he said what would likely happen is he'd sign up to go, he'd get put on a waiting list and not leave for 2-3 months, because there is really nothing around here and there are a lot of people looking to get into these programs. Regardless, a part of me wants him to go, I think it'd be good for him to get focused and start to care a little bit more about himself and his health.

Blech, so there's my update. I dont know, I've just felt "off" the last few days. I could really use your prayers for a little bit more strength this week.

Have a great weekend, guys! <3

-JS