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Hypervigilance- is yours degrees of constant?

Thread starter #25
@foggy I am sorry for your pain and in part understand a little of it, perhaps. It is extremely challenging to heal from C-ptsd (or as you offered a Dad).

I found learning to breathe in Yoga very instrumental to my meditation. When (as you posted) a feeling emerged during the Yoga Exercise, I would switch to walking meditation to feel my body in motion among nature. I felt safer or calmer within 20 to 30 minutes. May your journey to heal be fruitful and rich in diversity of methods.
 
#26
I'm always hyper vigilant to varying degrees. Sometimes it's a functioning adaptation, like when riding my bike (or when I used to ride my bike) as that vigilance helps me focus on my environment and body. Sometimes it's not, when I am alone in my apartment and avoid taking a shower because it means not being able to see outside the curtain. Or when I avoid closing my eyes to go to sleep. Or suddenly wake up startled from nothing. I can't and don't think I should just force that part of me to turn off. I'm trying to just be aware of it and then on top of it still make independent decisions. But the idea of going to a group setting and not being able to have my back to a wall, or sitting in a theater with strangers on all sides, is something that keeps me at home. But there's also a feeling of freedom I get when in one of those challenging moments, I'm able to of my own free will stay present and enjoy a show or a group or even just a walk. Of course COVID has thrown all this off as it was already very difficult for me to go anywhere, especially blocking is when it's dark out. So I'm speaking hypothetically for the future but on some level I know I want to selectively try to challenge myself, or at least have the option to sometimes slightly challenge myself by choice. I'd say it's easier if I was with someone, but I've also had situations in which the other person doesn't respect my hyper vigilance and work with me, like if I went outside with them at night to walk their dog and they want to cut through an alley. Nowadays, I think I'd draw that boundary better as I find it the equivalent of them not accommodating the disability aspect I experience, so very disrespectful. Meanwhile, they had felt I was being controlling and paranoid. What they didn't get is I may logically be able to assess a risk, but I'm trying to minimize the adrenaline rushes that are exhausting and stressful. Anyhow, as for how it rests in my body. I breathe shallow and quick. I look around all the time. I'm sensitive to light and sound. I try to just know this and work with it.
 
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