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I’m changing my name.

#26
Here I am feeling guilty towards my Mum for changing it despite the fact she’s not been in my life for years other than recently we text now and again, just a hello, how are you?
My mom has never, in my life, called me anything but what she named me. No nicknames, pet names, not even my married name. She’s also gotten grumpy at most of the ones she’s been aware of (I NEVER had a daughter named blah blah blah) despite the fact that SHE goes by her married name, and we’re a military family, so it’s not like call-signs are something foreign. Still, someone from my unit would call for me at my parents home, whilst on Leave, and I’d know the phone was for me because you’d hear her voice “I NEVER had a daughter named blah blah blah,” // “I’ve got it, Mom! You can hang up, now!” // “Your friends need to know the importance of phone etiquette.” // (What am I? 12?) “MOM! Hang. Up. The. Phone.” // “It’s COMMON COURTESY, and... // “FFS. Moose? I’ll call you back in 5. Stop laughing. It’s not that funny. // “I bet HIS MOTHER didn’t name him Moose!” // “No, Ma’am, she surely did not. // MOM!!!

Moms are just like that. The best and the worst of them. Intractable.

Personally? I never bothered informing my mother what name I was going by. She would call me whatever the hell she wanted to call me, anyway, so I never saw the need for that particular argument. Because I was going to be known by whatever name I chose to be known by, and she was never going to change. Irresistible force meets immovable object. Shrug.
 
#29
I would like to add that I adore my name, after my great-grandmother... So much that I don't like to be called other names! And yet my undergrad university just emailed asking for money and addressed me as... AMY? I have a degree from these people. I have been called many different things that Allie *might* be a nickname for. I had fun thinking up possible responses like: "Hire more work-study kids and then I'll donate." ha. Luckily I don't much care if the dean of whoever gets my name wrong.

But at the same time I also know someone very well who had an incredibly abusive childhood, ran from home at 14, and he has sort of gradually changed his name over the years. He doesn't like the connection and I don't blame him. It's kind of a fraught subject.

Luna-Lily, names can be weird but you sound very sensible and together! I think it's great what you've done in choosing your name, and I agree that it sounds lovely !! Sometimes things that seem simple and everyday - like your name - you hold on to in your mind and that can be a comfort and even a kind of grounding. Really I just wanted to say I like your name; Happy day for you!
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
#31
I checked in here because I hoped you were taking suggestions for a new name.
Lilly and Luna are both great names.
I have always had a thing for women with unique names or nicknames, if for no other reason than it made the conversation easier to start. And if they looked bored repeating it, I knew it wasn't going anywhere early and humanely.
Frank Zappa could name people and pets. He wrote about it. But his wife Gale saved Moon Unit Zappa from being "Motorhead". He wasn't as good as he thought he was.
Did I just hear you being called Motorhead? Whats that all about?
 
Thread starter #32
I checked in here because I hoped you were taking suggestions for a new name.
Lilly and Luna are both great names.
I have always had a thing for women with unique names or nicknames, if for no other reason than it made the conversation easier to start. And if they looked bored repeating it, I knew it wasn't going anywhere early and humanely.
Frank Zappa could name people and pets. He wrote about it. But his wife Gale saved Moon Unit Zappa from being "Motorhead". He wasn't as good as he thought he was.
Did I just hear you being called Motorhead? Whats that all about?
Thank you. I went for Luna-Lily.
 
#33
I changed my name 5 years ago and it has been one of the best things I have ever done.

As others said it did not change me or my past. However, it did give me a sense of control. It was the final part of completely letting go of my toxic family, I didn't want them and didn't want the name they had given me. It feels so much nicer not to here the old name and the memories associated with it. I feel safer as I know some people will not now be able to find me by googling my old name (they don't know I have changed). My new name feels comfortable whereas my old name I never feel was who I was.

There were some negative reactions to it, some people were very judgemental and refused to use my new name. I sorted this by refusing to answer to the old one.

If you are doing it for the right reasons then it will work out fine
 
#34
Wow! Congratulations on naming yourself! It’s very empowering and you deserve to have and enjoy all of your power.

I changed my first and second names also, 12 yrs ago. My parents deliberately chose my birth names to mock me. For real. They wanted a boy, and I am not one, so they took the name of a celebrity sex-pot of their time for my middle name, and used the version of a powerful biblical female’s name that god supposedly changed in order to subdue her and make her obey her husband.

Interestingly, that name had the same effect on me even outside my family from others. I changed my name after answering a then-fellow artist that I don’t sign my first names on my work because of this, and he told me that he is a Kabbalist (I didn’t know) and that I was correct in my observations of what that name does to a person.

He shared that he had changed his name several times in his life in order to accomplish certain goals and purposes successfully. So I changed mine, happily. I also didn’t even hear my birth name when people called me; it was as if I were completely deaf to it and I’d tried for yrs to change that reaction to no avail. But that’s really beside the point for me, even though I can see that being “something to work on.” I just stopped caring because that name had nothing good in it at all for me.

He warned me about the pitfalls of the name I chose, but I chose it to balance out my previous life experiences and I’m still really happy with it. He understood, though he urged me to choose a more “balanced” name. But he also didn’t know how imbalanced my life had been and how much I needed to create a balance.

I know this all sounds very woo, but I will say that in the process of changing my name, and for yrs afterward, I investigated the Kabbalist naming practices and perspectives and found it to be at least plausible.

I thought of all the “names” parents give to their children such as “worthless,” “stupid,” etc..., and saw that these names indeed influence the person sometimes for a lifetime. Why wouldn’t the standard acceptable “given” names be that way? I know people who named their child “Maya,” and “Colden.” If these weren’t considered normal, they could be used as insults too.

Luna-Lily is lovely as a warm summer evening with a cool breeze (which I love) :)
 
Thread starter #35
Wow! Congratulations on naming yourself! It’s very empowering and you deserve to have and enjoy all of your power.

I changed my first and second names also, 12 yrs ago. My parents deliberately chose my birth names to mock me. For real. They wanted a boy, and I am not one, so they took the name of a celebrity sex-pot of their time for my middle name, and used the version of a powerful biblical female’s name that god supposedly changed in order to subdue her and make her obey her husband.

Interestingly, that name had the same effect on me even outside my family from others. I changed my name after answering a then-fellow artist that I don’t sign my first names on my work because of this, and he told me that he is a Kabbalist (I didn’t know) and that I was correct in my observations of what that name does to a person.

He shared that he had changed his name several times in his life in order to accomplish certain goals and purposes successfully. So I changed mine, happily. I also didn’t even hear my birth name when people called me; it was as if I were completely deaf to it and I’d tried for yrs to change that reaction to no avail. But that’s really beside the point for me, even though I can see that being “something to work on.” I just stopped caring because that name had nothing good in it at all for me.

He warned me about the pitfalls of the name I chose, but I chose it to balance out my previous life experiences and I’m still really happy with it. He understood, though he urged me to choose a more “balanced” name. But he also didn’t know how imbalanced my life had been and how much I needed to create a balance.

I know this all sounds very woo, but I will say that in the process of changing my name, and for yrs afterward, I investigated the Kabbalist naming practices and perspectives and found it to be at least plausible.

I thought of all the “names” parents give to their children such as “worthless,” “stupid,” etc..., and saw that these names indeed influence the person sometimes for a lifetime. Why wouldn’t the standard acceptable “given” names be that way? I know people who named their child “Maya,” and “Colden.” If these weren’t considered normal, they could be used as insults too.

Luna-Lily is lovely as a warm summer evening with a cool breeze (which I love) :)
Thank you so much for your comment.
How lovely, I’m so glad you changed your name and you do sound so much happier and empowered for doing so. Well done to you also for doing that 💜
 
#36
Luna-Lily is the most beautiful, strong but soft name. I think it's great, but echoing what someone else here said- it's what you think about your name that really matters!

I changed my name for other reasons- I am transgender and part of my transition was changing my name. It is so empowering and wonderful to find the name that makes you feel most like yourself- that's where it's at.
My mom got angry at my name change (because she is stubborn but also transphobic) and refused to call me by it, taking personal offense and saying it was ungodly. But everyone else, despite a few mistakes here and there, caught on very well and now everyone in my life uses my name, including in the workplace- I have my new name on the id badge.

I have not yet changed my name legally, but that doesnt mean it's not real- everyone in my life uses it. So my name change serves a purpose for my identity, but also is helpful for my recovery, as my abuser was involved in identity theft and stalked me. So when I do change it legally, I imagine I will have more peace of mind.

It sounds like you have been through very much. I'm glad that your journey will continue, on an empowering note, as Luna-Lily. Congrats!
 
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