I’m in PTSD Hell

[Kintsugi]

y leg has been numb for awhile now.

Although there are only 600 reported cases of paraesthesia from Seroquel, I don’t think this reaction is really that rare. I wouldn’t have known that the intermittent burning/tingling/itching and restlessness I was getting in my legs (and ignoring for weeks) was Seroquel if my coworker hadn’t said that was his reaction. I still continued to ignore it until my right thigh went completely numb for days after burning all night though.

I feel a bit depressed again today. I bumped down my Seroquel two nights ago. I’m not sure if that’s why or if I genuinely feel a sense of malaise about my life right now. I have a very very strong impulse these days to run, and I wish I could. But I can’t. I have to stay put to finish my degree. And I keep saying that but the days, weeks, and months tick on and still I’m completely paralyzed about school. I feel ready to go back; I’m just really down on myself for not doing any of the things I was supposed to be doing this Fall. So maybe I’m just grieving my own inactivity and getting low because I’m disappointed in myself. I don’t know.

I also think that part of me can’t wait to quit my job while another part of me is very sad that I have to leave. I’m so accustomed to losing friends and family by moving, but for some reason the support network I have at work is really hard to let go of. I don’t know why. I guess because it’s been my singular certainty the past four years. No matter what else has shifted in my life, I’m there five days a week. I rarely take time off, and if I’m away more than a few days I feel extremely anxious about it. It’s going to feel really strange when I walk out that door for the last time.

But if I don’t figure out my shit for next semester, I won’t be walking out at all. And for the love of god I cannot continue to be moored here in this town. I have got to get out of here. And if I don’t escape with a degree I’ll seriously feel like a failure, and my options for where to go will shrink immeasurably.

 

[IceQueencop]

Wow! Parasthesia, when my dose was bumped up to 50 mg, I couldn’t sleep because of the restlessness in my legs. Totally makes sense, now. Thank you.

@Simply Simon, I challenge you to take one step towards completing your degree by Friday. That can mean anything, make a call, get financing, go online and look for a class, talk to a prof or classmate. One step. You can schedule it, or you can wait until you wake with enough energy, but take one step by Friday.
Push the peanut, little things.?
You’ve got this.
IQC

 

[joeylittle]

I feel a bit depressed again today. I bumped down my Seroquel two nights ago. I’m not sure if that’s why or if I genuinely feel a sense of malaise about my life right now.

Best to assume it's the seroquel clearing your system, for at least 10 days total.

I'm just so sorry you're going through this. And I'm sorry I suggested it (I know I don't need to be, you're an adult/make your own decisions, etc...but still, I'm sorry - and am sending you all the positive thoughts I've got, just in case there is such a thing as the power of positive thinking.)

 

[Kintsugi]

Yeah, you owe me no apologies whatsoever and I’m glad you suggested it, because it was working amazingly well before the side effects started. So no apologies at all @joeylittle. None. My P wanted me to try atypical antipsychotics, and if he had picked one instead of me deciding to give it a shot based on your mentioning it, and then it went bad... I think I would be putting a lot of misplaced blame on him. It might have eroded our doctor/patient relationship instead of this just being a weird thing that happened to me. Whereas if one of my forum comrades told me to try jogging and I freakishly broke my ankle, I’m not going to blame the person who suggested jogging. Y’know? But I’m awful quick to demonize mental health professionals, because, well, it’s easier than admitting sometimes shit happens even when you’re paying for the best advice?

I had a weird grieving process in giving up Seroquel, because it was really going so well, and my boyfriend talked about it like a miracle drug, because it got me away from trazedone and my symptoms all seemed to die down and it worked so quickly.

Buuut... now I feel doubly convinced that I was right for staying away from anything that was going to be daily and longterm. The only other med I see myself trying is Wellbutrin (for a lot of reasons), but I’d rather double down on my other coping strategies first and see how life goes without a med I take daily that affects my mood. I’ve learned a lot about myself and drugs from my months of adventures in psychiatry, and it’s been... humbling.

I really am leveling out, though, and taking 1/3rd a dose seems to be going swimmingly after a rocky first couple of days stepping down from a half.

I keep reminding myself that I play with drugs all the time and I don’t blame anyone when shit goes sideways. If I do ecstasy and then I get depressed for a day or two, I just remind myself that my activities have a price and I ride it out. I mostly just got freaked out because the withdrawal hit so late and so hard and I really thought I was having a major relapse. Anytime I get hit hard by symptoms for more than a few days I wonder if it will last months or a year, because that’s happened before. But I haven’t had a major relapse in years, and I need to remember I’m an adult with a lot more skills and resources than I had ten years ago.

 

[blackemerald1]

I had a weird grieving process in giving up Seroquel, because it was really going so well, and my boyfriend talked about it like a miracle drug,

^^Initially...before it's absolutely monstrous withdrawal effects reared up at me, I too thought it was so f**king great!! Hence me being on it so long and regrettably at such high doses. I know my doctors were so relieved that I wasn't on the verge of requiring hospitalisation every other day and they too thought it was a miracle drug. They don't anymore...I am sure because they tried a lot to help me post S. and I was a walking disaster. Just didn't cope from one moment to the next. And don't get me started on the physical side effects. :wtf:

I really am leveling out, though, a

^^So very pleased to see this Simon! Your latest post even seems less....emotional so you may be through the worst of it but if you are not you know what to expect.

That's one thing about this drug that is unexpected.... when one would assume they have seen off the last of withdrawal's etc., it doubles back for another go... I know that sounds very weird but it is true and I don't know how that could actually work metabolically etc... :sorry:

 

[ms spock]

I feel for you so much. I have been in medication hell, a few times. Keep thinking about getting your Masters and your PhD! It is a useful way of thinking! Keep thinking it! You made me smile!

Sending lots of love and hugs, if acceptable.