Sufferer I’ve waited 40+ years for this diagnosis - and I’ve long thought it was PTSD

[New Romantic1]

Hi there, at nearly 46, I have just been diagnosed with PTSD after spending half my life wondering and have had an apology from my GP for his colleagues ‘letting me down’ and ‘not helping me when I needed it the most as a child’.

I was violently beaten by my policeman father and witnessed what seemed daily, weekly and monthly violence - seeing my Mum thrown across from one room to another and myself being dragged around by my hair and beaten with the buckle end of a large belt. My father had numerous affairs throughout his marriage to my Mum, and left her when I was 5 and then when I was 15. As soon as my father left, my mother picked up on the violence and continued it. She was not supportive when I struggled with my sexuality and she was intensely homophobic

I was attacked as a 10 year old and latterly in my teenage years and my early 20’s and was silenced and ridiculed over doing anything about these at incidences by my mother.
Only through my counsellor feeling that I fit the bill for PTSD I was tested and diagnosed and have since looked at the symptoms - it’s almost as if they were written for me. I have also had a long-standing grace concern over my memory, but have been told not to try to remember things that aren’t there and that both PTSD and long-term use of anti depressants since the age of 16 - one of which Prozac will have caused issues with my memory - a relief as my Mum has Dementia and i thought I was heading towards the same.

I have a long way to go if I’m to try to relieve the struggle with PTSD and my other co-morbidites such as M.E,, Fibromyalgia, Costochondritis, Cyclothymia, Crohn’s Disease and Moderate Degeneration of the spine . I had long guessed that PTSD was a strong possibility in me. When I look back to all the bad times. I would love any advice that I can get please. I wish you all well x

 

[Deanna]

I was in my freaking 50's before i was diagnosed! I was so mad when my psychiatrist said PTSD. All my life and I never knew! It took awhile to get use to the diagnosis.

Welcome to the forums!!

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

Sadly it takes many of us years before we get a correct diagnosis. I’m glad that you finally know what you’re dealing with as now you can move forward with healing. :hug:

 

[New Romantic1]

I thought I was losing it as I felt myself gradually sliding following the deterioration of my Mum, those answers to long held questions I had for her that I knew were impossible to achieve. My daily and yearly inadequacies became prominent and I started backtracking over the past and evaluating everything. I started having counselling and conversations went back to the very beginning, with graphic after graphic incidence and scenario recalled, some remembered as clear as if they were yesterday, others recalled with a struggle. It wasn’t until we came to the post prescribing of anti-depressants which I was prescribed age 16, key ‘bad things’ that happened to me were remembered but not in such clarity, whereas much else from that period had become near impossible to bring to the forefront. This in turn created an intolerable trauma for me as with my mother having dementia and it running in the family, I was petrified that something similar was going to happen for me. My cognition can be quite compromised and if for instance friends talk about their parents or incidences/reminders of the larger part of my trauma or indeed general conversation, I find that dissociation kicks in. This is a strong identifier of my PTSD. Does any if this sound similar?

 

[katz]

Welcome to the forum. I was in my upper 40's when I was finally diagnosed. It took a stay in the hospital for a week of being hooked to wires and cameras to prove it.

I can't tell you how relieved I was when it was finally called something ! PTSD. Just being told that it was not imagined and that someone believed me, was one of my first steps to start feeling better about myself.
It's good to know that you can start moving forward now, to get help, and help yourself. Good luck!