I am an ex sex worker - facing up to something I've been running away from

[Ronin]

See, but sex work and trafficking, while overlapping at times, are different areas.

Just like choosing any employment vs. forced labor are different things.
Similarly as choosing an employment, and later being abused in it, is another thing.

Assuming one is ALWAYS the other (or most times) is gonna lead to a mess, on all rounds, for victims, not victims who want to be seen as just a regular joe (or a soccer mom, who just happens to offer a service people look down to), researchers, helping professionals, supporters, anyone.

 

[Anitza]

Finally facing up to a time in my life i have been running away from. When I was a teenager new to london I was involved in the sex industry for a year or so selling sex . pornography . Not a long time in my life but a very dark one and with certain emotional consequences. I would be happy to hear from anyone with similair experiences and how they came to term with there AHEM !!! colourful past lol..or anyone else who fancys a go at an obscure subject.

This didn't happen to me but to my sister who was tricked by a guy posing to be a boyfriend but instead pimped her out with another 15-year old. We come from a broken home, usually how you're story goes. He had her on craigslist & stripclubs as a minor. When that was all said and done, she was left with a nasty drug addiction & basically used until she died at 23. She continued to prostitute to support her habit eventhough she wasn't forced to. No matter how many times I tried to help her, she kept going back, I'd imagine the pain was too deep. I'm very haunted by all of this, & left with a sadness that's hard to explain.

I really understood her though, and what a saw was a young girl whose family had failed her & didn't show her a way of life. I never once judged her and always thought she was the strongest person I knew to even survive one day in that hell. I do know from conversations that she too at point, enjoyed the power she thought she had over men. But like anyone with Stockholm syndrome, I too once idolized our abusive mother. It's a normal reaction. Yes, there are many who do things willingly but most come from a broken home & that's the most important part to remember. That your inner child was never given a chance. I loved her so much and wanted so much for her to see all the beauty that I saw when I looked at her. I wish the same for you.

 

[IamFree]

@IamFree I agree there are certain people who sex work is much like any other job. But I think they are a small percentage. Way to many are involuntarily trafficked, way to many it is out of necessity (like preventing starvation as it was in my case).

yes indeed i hope you did not think i was trying to down play how not very nice it generally is for most involved. it helps me to look at things objectively .

This didn't happen to me but to my sister who was tricked by a guy posing to be a boyfriend but instead pimped her out with another 15-year old. We come from a broken home, usually how you're story goes. He had her on craigslist & stripclubs as a minor. When that was all said and done, she was left with a nasty drug addiction & basically used until she died at 23. She continued to prostitute to support her habit eventhough she wasn't forced to. No matter how many times I tried to help her, she kept going back, I'd imagine the pain was too deep. I'm very haunted by all of this, & left with a sadness that's hard to explain.

I really understood her though, and what a saw was a young girl whose family had failed her & didn't show her a way of life. I never once judged her and always thought she was the strongest person I knew to even survive one day in that hell. I do know from conversations that she too at point, enjoyed the power she thought she had over men. But like anyone with Stockholm syndrome, I too once idolized our abusive mother. It's a normal reaction. Yes, there are many who do things willingly but most come from a broken home & that's the most important part to remember. That your inner child was never given a chance. I loved her so much and wanted so much for her to see all the beauty that I saw when I looked at her. I wish the same for you.

Thank you for that I nearly had a tear in my eye. very moving. May your sister rest in peace and your greiving heart find rest . Yes we all were just lost children just doing all we felt like we could and had to do at the time. I tried to get a job in the functioning world but I was so traumatised by what has gone before I was fired because obviously it showed . I did not even know what was going on so how were they supposed to so i believed I belonged in the world of the dysfunctional and the messed up but it was not true for any of us . We just did not have the right help at the right time. make me realise to how lucky i am to be alive. Two of my freinds from that time in my life in that world also died in there early 20s. My mother throughout her life kept on returning as well until her early 40s when she paid the ultimate price and was murdered by a client. I think its a vice like world and i think the longer people are in it the harder it is to come out...and its very hard to function in any other world once you have been in that , its very difficult to feel like you could be an ok person . you could look ok but inside you can feel a horrible sense of anxiety ..of not being like anybody else because of things you have done, this can cause you to feel like you want to go back to it again just so you can somehow feel normal and ok again because thats what you know and think you are. In my dark moments I can feel an almost perverse affection for that time and some desire to return to it to feel whole again...I was recently invited to the work christmas dinner I am struggling to understand why i am going to such a place with all those people and thinking i do not belong in such places. But you message has inspired me and for the sake of the memorys of those who did not learn to beleive they can be somewere else like we wished they would of I need to learn to believe I can be in another place.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I was always thankful I was not forced, while I had no choice if I wanted to eat, I was not forced, sex work I entered on my own volition to not starve, but I came close to being forced by a pimp from the area, who it appeared to me was going to get me hooked on drugs (he talked about me trying it so I suspect he would of forced me if he had to), I got out of there before he came out of the bathroom (I suspect he was preparing something for me). He was already trying to get me drunk (hard to turn down a drink when your an alcoholic). Now that I think about it getting me drunk or high would have made things easier for him. I think if he been successful my life would have been over in no time, eventually used up, hooked, probably infected, and no one would have cared.

Trafficking is the scariest thing of all for me. In the late 70's when I was doing sex work as short a time as I did, I think all the pimps operations were local. This thing of being trafficked around the country makes it hard to get help or for it to be stopped., as most police operations focus on what's in their backyard.

I feel for those who have actually been trafficking victims. By today's measure I had it easy.

 

[Anitza]

Thank you for that I nearly had a tear in my eye. very moving. May your sister rest in peace and your greiving heart find rest . Yes we all were just lost children just doing all we felt like we could and had to do at the time. I tried to get a job in the functioning world but I was so traumatised by what has gone before I was fired because obviously it showed . I did not even know what was going on so how were they supposed to so i believed I belonged in the world of the dysfunctional and the messed up but it was not true for any of us . We just did not have the right help at the right time. make me realise to how lucky i am to be alive. Two of my freinds from that time in my life in that world also died in there early 20s. My mother throughout her life kept on returning as well until her early 40s when she paid the ultimate price and was murdered by a client. I think its a vice like world and i think the longer people are in it the harder it is to come out...and its very hard to function in any other world once you have been in that , its very difficult to feel like you could be an ok person . you could look ok but inside you can feel a horrible sense of anxiety ..of not being like anybody else because of things you have done, this can cause you to feel like you want to go back to it again just so you can somehow feel normal and ok again because thats what you know and think you are. In my dark moments I can feel an almost perverse affection for that time and some desire to return to it to feel whole again...I was recently invited to the work christmas dinner I am struggling to understand why i am going to such a place with all those people and thinking i do not belong in such places. But you message has inspired me and for the sake of the memorys of those who did not learn to beleive they can be somewere else like we wished they would of I need to learn to believe I can be in another place.

Really sorry to hear about your mother. I can't understand why some are born into these crazy circumstances while others just get a loving family, but regardless, everyone deserves it happiness even if that means we have to work harder than others. The world is a judgmental & cruel place, but it's also a place of kindness, compassion, and understanding. I wouldn't say that everyone will be understanding because they won't. Pick and choose who you confide in wisely. People at your job don't have to know everything about you. Your job is a place to go and make a living, and until you're emotionally in a more stable place, you don't need anyone to make you feel less than. You can still go to a work event and have fun. Hopefully you have people you can trust & talk to. Therapy is great too.

A public lady, Lauri Burns, lived this type of life where she prostituted in her early years, then went onto to becoming a very successful person in the corporate world, and eventually started her own charity. She wrote a book called Punished for Purpose, and has been featured in the media a lot. I think you might find her book/story helpful.

 

[IamFree]

thanks for the advice . yes indeed its not appropriate or nesscarry to tell everyone everything about your self. Even though this sort of thing may be more common than we think its defnatly outside the range of most people experience and comprehension. Its best not trouble people with what they can not or will not understand.....unless its for some cause for raising awareness for charity or support groups. Like I said before though its not a subject for the work staff room lol

 

[Anitza]

thanks for the advice . yes indeed its not appropriate or nesscarry to tell everyone everything about your self. Even though this sort of thing may be more common than we think its defnatly outside the range of most people experience and comprehension. Its best not trouble people with what they can not or will not understand.....unless its for some cause for raising awareness for charity or support groups. Like I said before though its not a subject for the work staff room lol

I wish it could be more of a less taboo topic bc the reality is, it's happening, and the sex-trafficking is happening at an alarming rate. People need to be able to talk about their struggles and not feel judged. I wish you the best, and hope that you get everything you want from life ♡♡♡??

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I am dropping out of this thread, its memories I need to put behind me.

 

[Friday]

it helps me to look at things objectively

It really does.

Like @Ronin said, the difference between trafficking & sex work is exactly the same as the difference between slavery & employment.

For some reason, especially in the US -I’m not sure why- people tend to confuse the two.

I’d add a couple more levels...

Trafficking / Slavery
Coercement / Abuse (choice?)
Desperation / Crime (choice)
_
Work
Avocation

If someone falls in the first 3 categories? It’s comparing apples to oranges, to try and compare them the second 2. Or maybe fruit to shoes. IDFK. Vaaaaaastly different groups. And still? There are so many hard & unique things involved in each.

One of the most difficult things in coercement and desperation is the element of choice. Because it’s not the same kind of choice, as choosing your work or choosing to go to work. Hating yourself and the choices you make (or made) is 180 degrees differed from hating your job, or your life (because of your job). Inward vs Outward. You hate your job? Hate your life? Pfft. You can change those (comparatively) easily. Because every choice is a better choice, than what you’re currently choosing. A whole damn sea of better choices to choose from! When you’re desperate or being coerced? It’s the opposite. You’re. not. making. bad. choices. You’re making the BEST choices possible... they just happen to suck the least of all the worse choices. There are no better choices (right now). Which you know. Because day in and day out you’re choosing all over again the best of the worst.

It’s one of the few upsides of things like rape & slavery, trafficking & imprisonment. There is no shred of choice involved.

Coercement and desperation is a mindf*ck in that regard, because you are literally choosing it. That doesn’t mean you liked it, much less wanted it, nor does it make it your fault in many cases. It’s like choosing between having your arms or your legs cut off. They’re BOTH things you. do. not. want. But if someone has a gun to your head, or your kids head, and says choose? Yeah. You’d rather not die. So you choose the best of the worst. But you were still coerced into that choice. If the only way to feed yourself, or your kid, is to lose a limb? Yeah. You’d rather not starve. Being desperate as f*ck doesn’t mean you wanted to lose a limb, and if there was any other way under the sun you could conceive of to feed yourself or your kid? Hello arms and legs! No f*cking way in hell would you ever part with one... unless the alternative was even worse.

I think that when people say a tiny number of people willingly choose sex work, or variations thereof? They’re thinking of people forced into it, who go on to force others; or for whom they made the choice out of desperation, and found they liked it and preferred it over other work. Both of those groups are tiny, compared to the masses inside that group of trafficked, coerced, and people with no other better choice. I think they’re forgetting, the entirely different group of people for whom it’s their chosen field, out of many good choices, or their avocation.

For anyone interested in the other side of the street? Maggie McNeil of TheHonestCourtesan has compiled one whole heckuva lot of data from a helluva lot of sources, all linked & supported.

Frequently Told Lies
Safety in Numbers
Handy Figures Revisited
Numerology

 

[piratelady]

I saw this post a while ago and have avoided it.

Yeah I think the biggest emotional consequences of this is shame and disgust..

I never sold myself, but I almost did. I was right there and chickened out at the last minute. I needed money to Kay bulls, it was the only option I could think of and felt worthless as if was, so who cared really?

Even coming as close as I did pretty much broke me. I went home and tried to kil myself.

I didn’t follow through, but the shame I feel for even considering it consumes me. I can’t even tell my therapist about it.

 

[hithere]

hello. I am not up to reading this thread yet. I just wanted to let you know i can relate to your post. i am trying hard to face stuff and then I think oh this is so stupid big deal it is what it is and then something will happen with a person and I'm POW triggered and stammering and messed up. Right now I am just kind of dead in side....

 

[Ronin]

Nothing to be ashamed about.

Just because somewhere is not offering other chances to earn money, and people be broke and wanna live their lives, does not make those people at fault. Organizing, smart, looking through options, willing to risk hence courageous, damned caring for something o someone they do it for... yes. Shameful, no.