I am attached to my t

[erigby]

I am so incredibly attached to my T. Some might argue it is his fault. He didn't set good boundaries and maybe that is true but it doesn't change the reality of the fact that...I have realized I am so completely attached to my T and don't know how to function without him in my life. So...now what?

 

[EveHarrington]

It sounds like it’s time for a new therapist.

I’ve personally found that I can’t be in contact with someone when I’m trying to disconnect from them. The pain is just too great.

I’m guessing he hasn’t suddenly set boundaries?

 

[scout86]

I'm not sure there's necessarily anything wrong with being attached to someone. In this case, his job, in the long run, is to get you to where you can function without him. Maybe you're just not there yet?

 

[Deleted member 42665]

I am the same, I would just let him manage things as far as when to wean you off etc. I do my best in setting my own boundaries, like he allows me any time outside contact, I could literally contact him every day and he would be ok with it but I don't. I only allow myself 1x a week outside the office or 2 if its urgent. I have also tried doing things like writing letters to him, he only ever got to read 1 but the idea of it is very helpful, getting the thoughts out there, and of course support... I mean yes you can swap T's but if you are like me, trust is hard, and so even if things are scary or confusing, it's best to stay where you are comfortable, best of luck and message anytime if you need to

 

[Rose White]

I am in the same boat. Transference is a weird thing. I don’t know how to get through it yet. Somehow I have to get real with myself about my child needs not being met causing the uncomfortable feelings of attachment and dependence on other adults, number one currently being T. It sucks that I can think about the need for coming to terms with the child abuse in my head, but not experience it fully in my heart. Sending you support as you navigate these tricky waters.

 

[Friday]

don't know how to function without him in my life.

How do you mean?

I’m thinking here that there are probably a whole lot of areas in life you function just fine without him. Say, using a toilet instead of peeing on the floor, or carrying a drink right side up, and a whole lot of other ‘disqualifying the positive’ kind of examples.

So, what specific areas do you feel like you need him in?

 

[UnicornSightings]

Ugh. I’m sorry. That’s so hard!

How do you mean?

I’m thinking here that there are probably a whole lot of areas in life you function...

I like your comment. When my last t told me she was leaving for a long sabbatical and our therapy would be ending I took it HARD. I told my friend over breakfast that I don’t know what to do. What if I can’t survive without her? My friend said “well, you’ll just die in a corner somewhere then.” and it was like the very best thing to say lol! Because while I was so sure I wouldn’t be ok at ALL, her joking made me realize how silly it all was! Of COURSE I’d be ok without her, geez, I was living my life before her and I’d continue it. All that to say, OP, no matter what happens, you’re gonna be ok. It feels like you’re not but that’s not reality. You can live your life just fine without one particular person in it. It will be difficult emotionally but time will help it heal. So talk about the attachment but try not to fear it so much or judge it. It’s ok. It’s gonna be ok.

 

[Rose White]

So talk about the attachment but try not to fear it so much or judge it.

“Try not to judge it.” :O_o: All my symptoms would probably decrease or disappear if I could stop judging my feelings!

 

[Emotional girl]

I am in the same boat as well but over the last few weeks I have started to realise why I feel like this towards him.He has the type of qualities that I have been missing in my life,he is kind,sweet,understanding,speaks calmly and he listens to me,who wouldn't want those things in another human being.
I would say and this maybe hard but speak to your therapist about the way you are feeling,talk through your attachment and any transference you have.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I am in the same boat as well but over the last few weeks I have started to realise why I feel l...

I completely agree. It’s the perfect kind of attention! You say whatever you want and you have someone who always treats you well, listens better than anyone ever will, is calm and confident and cares solely about you.

It doesn’t actually exist in life which is so funny. That’s why it’s such a special thing. You will never come across that outside of therapy. Like my t is all those things but is he like that to others outside of therapy? Oh god no! There he’s just like us and judges and is annoyed and doesn’t really listen and talks about himself too much lol!

In that way it’s just a made up relationship (in the sense that the goal is to help clients move forward). Like a laboratory where they experiment on you with kindness. I don’t know, that really helps me. To know my t isn’t actually what he appears. You pay for a false reality so you can heal. It’s hard sometimes to know it’s false.

 

[Emotional girl]

I agree with @UnicornSightings it is a laboratory filled with mixture of love and kindess and you get intoxicated on the fumes from your therapist.
My therapist has never got annoyed at me but there have been times where his mask has slipped and I have seen a slightly more annoyed more side to him and that makes me like him even more and that is what makes him human and real.

 

[Rose White]

he’s just like us and judges and is annoyed...and talks about himself too much

If the therapist is relationship oriented and uses transactional analysis, might a client experience these aspects of a therapist? Or if the client experiences these does it usually mean there is an erosion of boundaries?

Not saying he’s annoyed at you or judging you, just that the client experiences interactions with the therapist where he displays these behaviors.

I get what you are saying, though, @UnicornSightings, about the relationship not being real, like most every other relationship in our lives.