I Am Becoming The Abandoner Now...

[Justmehere]

I am avoiding everyone this week. Last week was hellish and deeply triggering. This week, I just don't want to interact with people and yet I feel so alone. :(

I'm trying to push myself to keep connecting socially, but it is to the point of triggering panic. No one had socially hurt me and the triggers have been related to authority figures, not friends. But right now, it's to the point that I am struggling to not being abandoning in friendships right now. I think I have avoided this problem in the past year by just not committing to very much, and now I am beginning to do that again, but there is such a strong pull to isolate after recent triggers that I am on the edge of bailing on commitments. I have the time and space in my life to follow through on the commitments... I don't want to abandon them... but somehow, engaging is making me panic.

Anyone else struggle with feeling compelled to pull away from safe relationships suddenly for no reason related to the relationship? Anything help?

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I pull away from new found friends when I am triggered but thankfully I have told them some of what I am going through. No details and luckily they understand fully. Different for all of us but for my friends a text letting them simply know I am in a struggle and the simplest of replies from them in understanding and allowing me space is enough. I come here to the faceless community that supports me so well more as a social medium sometimes rather than a therapeutic one.

@Justmehere :hug:

Laurie

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'd say the PTSD stress cup strikes again! (Damn stress cup...)

 

[PureDogs]

@Justmehere

I feel you.. I am currently experiencing it lately and the flashbacks is really annoyed. :-/

 

[Justmehere]

@Laurie - what you posted is helping me consider that maybe I need to come up with a way to let friends know most plans are tentative right now until I am better... not really sure if or when that will even be... I have been so helped by the social and therapeutic connection here too. It has helped me not totally shut down through this.

@Solara - damn the stresss cup is right! I looked up the stress cup as others have mentioned - and I love the images here that explain it so well: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/
This is for sure a case of the stress cup. Mine is full.

@PureDogs so sorry you are dealing with flashbacks too! they are awful.

 

[Deleted member 24866]

I pull away quite a bit, and sometimes I have pushed myself to socialize only to have it backfire. At this point in time I am listening more to myself.. a little down time can be what I need, if it goes out to far and I am isolating for a month or more.. I talk to my shrink and increase my meds temporarily. (I like my meds because they act fairly quickly, so sometimes I take none.. I got away for about 4 months med free, feel like progress.. but being I recently freaked choosing a maintenance dose is better for awhile) Hoping someday I will not need them- but if I do, so what) (That's not the standard way to take them, but my psychiatrist has agreed to oversee this and feels I am making progress and am getting pretty in tune- however just beginning trauma therapy.. we'll see what this dredges up, will maintain with a low dose for now)

I think as long as your friends are capable of understanding- you know who your friends are! Let em know and I'm sure they will be more than willing to be there for you when you need them. Hang in there..

 

[Pakadlangitok]

Yes! Often I do this. I need quiet around me because it is so noisy in my head all the time. I cannot stop it.