I Am Quiet

[surviving_it_all]

I am the opposite. It started about the time my mom started her psychotic break. I couldn't shut up. I figured if I talked so much that it would cover up things. I can't stop talking even when I am alone now. The alone talking is a new symptom. It's embarrassing. I don't mean to do it. It's bad. I wish I could control it. It's out of control now.

 

[Venusian]

I have always been quiet, even today my co-workers (all in fun) told me to stop being so disruptive, meaning I was being too quiet. I have also been told to smile.. I hate that, I will smile when I want to smile. Like a lot of others have already commented on, I never tried drawing attention to myself. It is part of my security blanket, being quiet kept me safe. Everytime I did have a little attention bad things happened.

 

[aka]

I was a very quite kid and still have a lot of those tendencies as an adult. I remember adults commenting on how quiet I was compared to the other kids. Most of the time I found my own daydreams more interesting then what the other kids where chatting about.

It is often easier to "slip under the radar" of whatever is happening around you by being quieter.

Yep, I remember doing this in grade school. I would try to be as invisible as possible to stay off my abusers and his friends radar.

I also hate being told to smile.

I soo hated being told to smile. I always thought about saying to them "if I felt like smiling I would". Or something to that effect.

 

[Crimson]

I am opposite on both the smiling and talking sides of this discussion. I have been told before by a coworker that people would like me more if I wasn't so happy and talkative all the time, it brought people down. I also reflexively smile enough or bring enough humor to every encounter outside of my trusted circle of people that they would probably also tell me to smile less.

I think it's a defense mechanism, the only people I show my true face to are close enough and trusted enough they won't run. Sometimes when my stress limits are really pushed though I feel I go too far and think I scare people that see through my act. I get paranoid that they can see the anger and pain I'm hiding and it's frightening them. I know I feel the vigilance and readiness for violence if I need to defend myself, but I become convinced they see that too.

Also I tend to speak nearing too high a volume generally, I think that comes from wanting someone to hear me when I was taken but no one could.
I guess I'm on the other side of the coin.

 

[Jacnic]

Hi Crimson, like you I have deliberately cultivated a facade that is very happy. It helps keep people at a distance. The other day I was having a really horribly low day (even as low as asking if it is worthwhile keeping on going with it all) and yet someone in the lunch room at work commented that I am always so happy, and must be having a great day!!!!:(

I have also learned to steer conversations away from myself. I have a list of questions that I can ask that keeps people talking about themselves. So, I can get by if I have to talk to others even when I don't really want to (which is most of the time).

Coping strategies that stop people see what is really going on for me - flying under the radar.

 

[Grace511]

I too am quiet and only talk to people I have gotten known and trust. For example in August, I started volunteering at my church and knew only two or three people there. Now I know about 2 dozen and Im fine around them because I have gotten to know them and I feel I can trust them. On the other hand, my four years in college were terrible. I never if ever spoke to anyone. Only time I spoke to people in my classes was when I had to do group projects.

I have often had complete strangers in stores tell me "you need to smile" or "why do you look so serious". I feel like screaming at that them "maybe I dont feel like it" or "Its none of your business."

I have been told by one of the people at church whom I trust with my life that I wear my heart on my sleeve so that might be why I look so blah all the time.

 

[saffy]

Hi All,

Actually, I have learnt to be quiet again. What it means to be quiet.

I know I am not naturally an extrovert and I think I am quite shy and introvert as a person in general but that always got me abused in the past.

instead of learning how to assert myself I withdrew even further and began to lash out and appear angry and defensive. That become such a habit that it took a while for me to recognise my errors. I should have been working on my self esteem and confidence. But that was taken away through fear and confusion about who I was.

I also thought you had to try and be extrovert which also got me into trouble.

I am happy now I know it is fine to be quiet because that is part of me. As long as I did not allow it to make people think I could be abused then I was happy as I was. That way there was no pressure to change or to feel there are conditions to me being there.

I found that people said things without thinking. There idea of trying to cheer someone up can sometime do the opposite if the fun is focused on something you are worried about.

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[ninja]

I am a very quiet person, as well. Quiet enough that it makes those around me uncomfortable sometimes. I hate it. When I was little I only felt safe when I was hiding, so I did a lot of it. I think that tendency carried over into my personality: I get so scared to share things with other people because I don't want to give them a reason to turn on me or run away. It is for this reason that I take my dog(s) with me to as many social settings as I can: they give me something to talk about and focus on.

 

[Philippa]

Why should we walk around grinning like chesire cats just because we are female....stupid idiots.

Exactly. I am not here to be a decorated doll to please strange men...but they seem to think they are entitled to be rude like this. WTF? I usually will just keep walking and completely ignore them, sometimes without wincing...but occasionally I will turn around and rage at them by saying "Who the F do you think you are? I'm not here to make you happy." I smile when I feel like smiling. If I smile now, I smile for ME, not anybody else. Now I smile because I know it is good for ME, and will make me feel happier.

I've even had one guy start singing "Don't worry, Be happy" in my direction on public transport. It is unbelievable how entitled so many people can be.

I even said to my boss one day when she told me to smile, "I'm not going to walk around like a clown when no one is even here, sorry." She didn't really know what to say.:D

 

[Anna]

Worst is the male stare. That really gets me, when they stare at you. Vile, do they not realise women hate to be stared at?

I feel like saying

"Take a picture it will last longer"

I saw a program the other day that males are programmed to do this, and when they stare at women they find attractive they release hormones which make them feel great....

 

[Philippa]

No, they don't get it. They just don't get it.

If they are programmed to stare and it has a chemical effect on their brain, then I guess it's not really their fault...but still. I suppose asking them to change the program isn't going to work.:D

 

[Anna]

Almost like an addiction, my guess is that is where the saying "Eye candy" comes from.