***I'm terrible at forums; my consistency is not there, I haven't visited here in over a year I believe; terrible, it's good to feel that your not the only one.
I have learned a lot, taken broads step forward, acted irrationally, taken major steps in any direction but forward.
I learned I was not going into REM sleep for the past 2 or 3 years which was causing my extreme exhaustion, major rollercoaster ride of what kind of day I was going to have. New medication, generic of Cymbalta, helped, not so much with the insomnia but when I sleep, I do dream and get a restful sleep for the most part.
I quit my job out of the ether, I couldn't take it as a whole anymore. I was becoming irrationally angry 85% of my awake time, I'll just type incompetent coworkers and superiors . I lost my health insurance thus I lost my ability to afford the meds I was prescribed and therapy so I, unfortunately, had to hard stop all 4 of my medications. the generic of Cymbalta was the absolute worst withdrawal I have encountered next is Naltrexone. 3 weeks of my brain feeling like it was surging, or clipping, past capacity.
I'm overwhelmed almost 24 hours a day again, Nightmares, flashbacks, irrationally angry, defensive, constantly alert like I am under attack. We know the layout. My family have dealt with me on our rollercoaster ride for so long, and I'm lashing out, pushing them away, self sabotaging everything I hold so close. I'm growing ever resentful of myself, and my wife is taking far too much emotional abuse from me. She calls it walking on egg shells. I go to bed each night resenting how I behaved, I hate apologizing only because I do it so much, it's almost empty now because I always f*ck up again. I'm just waiting to be told to leave, or divorced, or have my kids tell me they resent and hate me. I've made strides but when I keep emotionally holding my family hostage what good is it. I have to do better, breath, and become vulnerable so I can receive there aid, affection, and support. I would be lost without them. I'm really typing to put it in front my face, a point that says "they do not deserve how you've been behaving; cause and effect." Their distance is due to my overwhelmed outbursts. I will start moving forward, I will do better, for their sake. That I promise to myself.
Thank you
I have learned a lot, taken broads step forward, acted irrationally, taken major steps in any direction but forward.
I learned I was not going into REM sleep for the past 2 or 3 years which was causing my extreme exhaustion, major rollercoaster ride of what kind of day I was going to have. New medication, generic of Cymbalta, helped, not so much with the insomnia but when I sleep, I do dream and get a restful sleep for the most part.
I quit my job out of the ether, I couldn't take it as a whole anymore. I was becoming irrationally angry 85% of my awake time, I'll just type incompetent coworkers and superiors . I lost my health insurance thus I lost my ability to afford the meds I was prescribed and therapy so I, unfortunately, had to hard stop all 4 of my medications. the generic of Cymbalta was the absolute worst withdrawal I have encountered next is Naltrexone. 3 weeks of my brain feeling like it was surging, or clipping, past capacity.
I'm overwhelmed almost 24 hours a day again, Nightmares, flashbacks, irrationally angry, defensive, constantly alert like I am under attack. We know the layout. My family have dealt with me on our rollercoaster ride for so long, and I'm lashing out, pushing them away, self sabotaging everything I hold so close. I'm growing ever resentful of myself, and my wife is taking far too much emotional abuse from me. She calls it walking on egg shells. I go to bed each night resenting how I behaved, I hate apologizing only because I do it so much, it's almost empty now because I always f*ck up again. I'm just waiting to be told to leave, or divorced, or have my kids tell me they resent and hate me. I've made strides but when I keep emotionally holding my family hostage what good is it. I have to do better, breath, and become vulnerable so I can receive there aid, affection, and support. I would be lost without them. I'm really typing to put it in front my face, a point that says "they do not deserve how you've been behaving; cause and effect." Their distance is due to my overwhelmed outbursts. I will start moving forward, I will do better, for their sake. That I promise to myself.
Thank you
