As someone who grew up (and spent half of my adult life) constantly switching cultures? YES. Your instincts are exactly right: It very much is a culture problem.I am living in Germany, and I think it could be a cultur problem. I am a turkish woman, and some of us are more emotional, and not so rational.
If I were living in the Far East, or Middle East? The western solution of leaving would still be an option… but an unpopular option of last resort that would need therapy in and of itself, as it’s so contrary to everything held as right & just & true.
(For any Westerners reading this? The best parallel I know of if in the West, is if instead of being told to leave an abusive spouse or parent, one was told to kill the abusive person. In the west, murdering your spouse, or parents, or sibling, etc. would need the same kind therapy that “simply” leaving them would, in more collectivist cultures.)
Very very few collectivist cultures suggest murdering people as an option, although a few do, so don’t reverse logic what I’m saying! Just because sick people take medicine doesn’t mean that if you don’t take medicine you won’t get sick.
I’m not very familiar with Turkish culture, so I couldn’t say what would be the best option(s) for you… BUT? I can say that where I grew up the START of a solution would be a combination of:
- Finding someone else to take responsibility for the people that you love. To meet my own needs of honor (English doesn’t have a good word for that) it would have to be the best possible transfer of care for that person or group. For example? For an aging elderly relative, a beautiful monastery where they can spend their declining years focused on their devotion, surrounded by caring people, accomplishing a great many worthwhile/valuable/desirable things according to their own tastes… would be the best option for them. But a young male relative? Would be better in military service. <<< Both of those (and many other options) are TOTAL transfers of duty-of-care, with the highest level of honor attached, for both themselves and myself. There are many other options that are partial transfers (where I would still be expected to be a part of their lives / assume some responsibility for them), or that carry some level of insult/dishonor (like consigning an elderly relative to grueling physical labor, or a young vital relative to isolation and lost opportunity to build a life/reputation/family).
- Finding someone or something to ally myself to/with. As it is never simply enough to make sure others are taken care of, if I neglect transfer the responsibility for myself? It is both an insult to my family, and dishonors both them and me. I happened to choose military service when I left home, but marriage, university, religious service, etc. are other very popular options.
Again, the above is only the start/beginning of a solution… just like in the west leaving would only be the start/beginning of a solution. It’s just that the foundational “starting points”? Are very different, in different parts of the world.
Can you look for a Turkish therapist, or NGO who specializes in refugees?
(ETA… I should probably explain… I’m NOT saying you or your family are refugees, for all I know you could be diplomats or other social elite persons. But I personally have worked with counselors who work with refugees, because they’re the ones with training/experience in the trauma -and cultural mindset- that I am bringing to the table. Incrediably valuable resource, when the land I’m living in is so different.)