Hi, I'm posting here because I've reached the end of my rope.
My partner/friend of 5 years and 9 months has not spoken to me in the last 1 month and 6 days, though I have asked him directly to please call me or at least tell me when he will be able to talk to me again. And I have used our secret code which typically means "Hey, I need a quick response from you because I need a few details about what's going on for you, and I have a need too."
I know he has been sick with a germ for the past 2-3 weeks, and he is "just coming out of it." I have asked him to clarify what he means by that (because he has said the same thing twice during this illness, but apparently the germ has hung on. I get it, sometimes germs do that - I just need some clarification from him this time).
The last time we talked in person was July 17th, and at the end of our visit, he really blew up at me because I asked about our relationship status (because it is unclear AF, due to his mixed messages and refusal to ever give a straight answer about it). I told him I was interested in being a "couple" with him, and I wanted to know what he felt about that and what HE wanted. Mind you, this is after 5 years and 9 months of being "more than friends". Why do I say we were "more than friends?" Because the last time we discussed our "relationship status" we verbally agreed that we were "more than friends" and he willingly agreed to that - he was an equal party in that conversation and we came to that "more than friends" agreement after I asked if we could be a couple, he basically said he didn't have the capacity for that, and I said something to the effect of "I guess we're 'just friends' then" and he got upset at that, so then we came to the "more than friends" agreement using that phrase specifically, and although that was less than I wanted, it was definitely "more than friends."
THIS TIME, when we talked on July 17th, (after he got unreasonably angry at me for having the audacity to try to determine "WTF are we doing here?") he said (angrily) he felt like we needed to shore up the foundation of our friendship (fair, I'm all for that, please tell me more about what you mean), and that he didn't consider me to "truly be a friend yet." THAT comment completely floored me. And it might be the most hurtful thing he has ever said to me. After this many years. After being physically intimate together. After him saying "I love you" to me several times, completely unprompted. After him sending me a card two Februarys ago saying "Glad we are friends" in it, which HE WROTE. And yes, after us having a conversation and coming to an understanding that maybe he wasn't ready to be a "boyfriend" yet, but he considered us to be "more than friends." YEAH, being told that he doesn't consider me a "true friend yet" hurt like hell and just felt really...weird.
So, yeah. To be mostly ignored for more than a month after ending the visit with him blowing up at me doesn't feel good.
I'm feeling like if something doesn't change, and change very soon, I will need to walk away because this is killing me. I deserve to be treated better than he treats me. I love him and deserve to be loved in return. I give him compassion and deserve to be treated with compassion in return. And I deserve somebody who doesn't think that being a human being and responding to your partner is "too much." I mean - if we had two real-time conversations per week, that would be enough for now. I don't deserve this type of emotional neglect in my life. It is literally destroying me. I KNOW that I DON'T deserve it and I have done NOTHING to warrant this type of HURTFUL emotional neglect.
Thanks for letting me get that out today. I don't know if anything will ever get better. He doesn't think I'm his friend, even though I am. Maybe the reality is that he isn't really the friend that I thought HE was. I'm done living this life. I'm done with the disrespect that is completely unwarranted. I'm just done.
My partner/friend of 5 years and 9 months has not spoken to me in the last 1 month and 6 days, though I have asked him directly to please call me or at least tell me when he will be able to talk to me again. And I have used our secret code which typically means "Hey, I need a quick response from you because I need a few details about what's going on for you, and I have a need too."
I know he has been sick with a germ for the past 2-3 weeks, and he is "just coming out of it." I have asked him to clarify what he means by that (because he has said the same thing twice during this illness, but apparently the germ has hung on. I get it, sometimes germs do that - I just need some clarification from him this time).
The last time we talked in person was July 17th, and at the end of our visit, he really blew up at me because I asked about our relationship status (because it is unclear AF, due to his mixed messages and refusal to ever give a straight answer about it). I told him I was interested in being a "couple" with him, and I wanted to know what he felt about that and what HE wanted. Mind you, this is after 5 years and 9 months of being "more than friends". Why do I say we were "more than friends?" Because the last time we discussed our "relationship status" we verbally agreed that we were "more than friends" and he willingly agreed to that - he was an equal party in that conversation and we came to that "more than friends" agreement after I asked if we could be a couple, he basically said he didn't have the capacity for that, and I said something to the effect of "I guess we're 'just friends' then" and he got upset at that, so then we came to the "more than friends" agreement using that phrase specifically, and although that was less than I wanted, it was definitely "more than friends."
THIS TIME, when we talked on July 17th, (after he got unreasonably angry at me for having the audacity to try to determine "WTF are we doing here?") he said (angrily) he felt like we needed to shore up the foundation of our friendship (fair, I'm all for that, please tell me more about what you mean), and that he didn't consider me to "truly be a friend yet." THAT comment completely floored me. And it might be the most hurtful thing he has ever said to me. After this many years. After being physically intimate together. After him saying "I love you" to me several times, completely unprompted. After him sending me a card two Februarys ago saying "Glad we are friends" in it, which HE WROTE. And yes, after us having a conversation and coming to an understanding that maybe he wasn't ready to be a "boyfriend" yet, but he considered us to be "more than friends." YEAH, being told that he doesn't consider me a "true friend yet" hurt like hell and just felt really...weird.
So, yeah. To be mostly ignored for more than a month after ending the visit with him blowing up at me doesn't feel good.
I'm feeling like if something doesn't change, and change very soon, I will need to walk away because this is killing me. I deserve to be treated better than he treats me. I love him and deserve to be loved in return. I give him compassion and deserve to be treated with compassion in return. And I deserve somebody who doesn't think that being a human being and responding to your partner is "too much." I mean - if we had two real-time conversations per week, that would be enough for now. I don't deserve this type of emotional neglect in my life. It is literally destroying me. I KNOW that I DON'T deserve it and I have done NOTHING to warrant this type of HURTFUL emotional neglect.
Thanks for letting me get that out today. I don't know if anything will ever get better. He doesn't think I'm his friend, even though I am. Maybe the reality is that he isn't really the friend that I thought HE was. I'm done living this life. I'm done with the disrespect that is completely unwarranted. I'm just done.
