I Can Not Stand It...

[Megan]

I am angry as hell. It's like my whole life has been turned upside down and I honestly don't know why.

I am dizzy 24/7 and angry because I can't freaking do anything w/o getting dizzy and then angry. I am honestly never hungry but when I don't eat I get freaking stomach pains and when I do eat I get stomach pains. I know getting angry doesn't do anything for it, but I do get angry. I am going to the Doctor's on Monday for blood work and urine sample. I am praying to GOD that something comes back very un-normal...but fixable. I can NOT stand this. I have no emotions other than anger. I do not get excited/happy/(real) sadness. All I freaking am is Dizzy and angry. I have no interests/hobbies. Imagination used to be a BIG BIG BIG BIG part of my life because I was not good at school. I was the creative one in the family. and now i don't even have Freaking that!!! At times I see my entire life pass before my eyes. Like i can honestly remember the sleep overs and what i got and remember me being happy even though i was the first to fall asleep (which I HONESTLY miss).

If i won the lottery tomorrow i would not care a rats behind. i wouldn't care because i don't know what to do with it. i feel like i'm wasting my days on earth now a days and just don't know what to do.

I have no friends and feel alone in this word. I am freaking jealous of my cousin's because they all seem to have perfect lives. I haven't freaking slept in over a year w/o pills and just hearing my cousin is able to go to sleep at 10:30pm makes me CRAZY. I honestly can't sleep. I can't watch freaking tv w/o hearing somebody died or someone shooting some one. I honestly don't see what the FREAKING point is in killing people. I know there will never be world piece but for one freaking day i wish there was only good news on the news. I can't really watch my favorite shows because I am not connected like everyone else. I don't have a favorite actor/actress because everyone seems the same to me.

I honestly swear that if the tests come back normal on Monday or whenever i get the results, I really am going to look for a way out. But than again part of me is afraid of the unknown afterlife.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Hey, Megan. I am so sorry that you have so much anger, and that you are having physical issues. Being dizzy is one of the most uncomfortable feelings there are. It sounds like this has been going on for awhile?

Anger, for me, is deadly. I'm not good at expressing it, so it turns inward into depression. Sleep deprivation can drive a person crazy, and I've been there too. I take meds to sleep, and have found that it is worth it, to get a good nights' sleep. It took awhile to get the right medication mix. Pain and muscle spasms are my sleeping enemy, with a few nightmares along the way. I'll take the meds since I know that without sleep life would be miserable.

I hope you don't give up on life. I don't know anything about you, but I hope you will come to the Forum and maybe read some things that will help.

Blessings to you.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

That IS good, to find a cause for pain! Constant pain is depressing as well. Any relief is better than none, huh?

 

[TigerPride]

Megan,
I'm sorry your world is upside down...chronic Insomnia (lack of sleep) can cause one to be constantly angry, and even dizzy. I have trouble sleeping myself and it is very annoying and can make for long nights and even longer days....When you go to the Dr. be sure to mention the trouble sleeping to him/her.

And yeah there pretty much is nothing worthwhile to watch on TV. I too don't get who is who when people start talking about who plays in what. I watch what I like, and whoever is in it, doesn't really mean beans to me.

Have you tried reading as means of escape/relaxation before you go to bed? Sometimes that helps me un-wind so I can rest better.

Hope you find the answer to what is going on.

 

[mamachick]

Megan I can relate to what you are saying a bout sleep. I dont feel the anger but the apathy (if I hit the lottery....) Life is just going by. I dont sleep like normal people although I have tried everything. When I sleep, I need at least 12 hours. My hours are just not normal so I am up most of the night. My lab work just showed that I have a vitamin D deficiency.

Pill to sleep, to stay awake, happy pill, stomach pill, headache pills-I hate it all. I just want to stop having to depend on such nonsense. I also do not like all the reality tv and night time soaps, do not know which night there on so just scan channels when I feel. Eventually, its all infomercials. My sleep is likely related to a head injury but who cares the cause, its all the same.

I sometimes wonder who that person was who went to sleep around 11 and got up early, showered and went to work, Was productive, had a social life in the eve, had interests and passions. It doesnt feel like it was me. When I read something I wrote, I dont even recognize it. Its like reading foreign language.

I also know about the medical tests and hoping its something treatable. They had me convinced I must have an underactive thyroid-but that was negative. A friend said that I must be relieved that its nothing serious like cancer, I am very ashamed to say that I have become more uncomfortable with living and have less concern of dying. I am absolutely not suicidal , I just hate going on like this.
I hope that your tests show something that is very treatable and life gets back on track for you.

 

[Srain]

I sometimes wonder who that person was who went to sleep around 11 and got up early, showered and went to work, Was productive, had a social life in the eve, had interests and passions. It doesnt feel like it was me. When I read something I wrote, I dont even recognize it. Its like reading foreign language.

Yikes!! Me too! I realize it's difficult, I do, all those symptoms are symptoms of PTSD. I have a GF that has to use a walker the dizziness is so bad :( I get it at times too, mostly I struggle with dissociation and trying to stay in the here and now. The thing is, what I've noticed is the rough times come in waves,( I may be starting to sound like parrot :O_o: I think so, ut oh) it's true, if you hang on and keep working through, find where that anger is originating from you will find it passes. Don't ignore it.

Take care of your body and keep posting, you are NOT alone. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Hi Megan,

I wish you the best of luck with the dentist. I know it's not going to be fun. However, an infection to your jaw can affect your eustachian tubes and thus your ears. Your inner ears are responsible for balance and can lead to dizziness. So if they fix your tooth/jaw issue it might resolve the dizziness.

I understand your being angry at the dizziness. Did you know that over 50% of people experience dizziness at some point in their lives? I had scarlet fever as a young child and the illness in combination with the medication killed the hair cells in both my inner ears. I have no hearing and no balance. Although I do not experience chronic dizziness, it is difficult to maneuver in this world if your brain does not receive info about where you are in space. At the moment I can empathize with you and feeling dizzy as I have an ear infection.

What kind of art did you use to do? Can you play around with things like that? It doesn't need to be a complete or complex project, but playing around with it might spark some ideas.

Hoping you feel better soon! You are definitely not alone. We are all here to listen...

 

[Srain]

I hope all is well. I find it difficult to go to the dentist myself but mine is very understanding of my fears. It's so brave of you to be taking such good care of yourself, be proud of yourself, honestly, it's not an easy thing for us to do!

Thinking of you,
peace and healing,
Rain