I Can't Do It!

[Snowflake]

I can't do this anymore. I want to talk but I don't have the words I want to write but I don't have the strength. I can't go home with my husband not understanding what PTSD is or depression or not believing in it and therefore being called ugly, fat, lazy. I can't be stuck anymore. I can't sleep 4 to 5 hours a night and still try to function. I can't have a 40 minute session and feel like it went well or that she cares. I can't go on feeling like I'm the only one in this world. I can't be stuck in the moment and not being able to breath. I can't , I am too tired of living like this.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Snowflake, is there anywhere for you to go that will make you safe? You shouldn't put up with people like this in your life. What can I do to help you? I wish you lived near me so I can help you out. I was called fat and lazy by my husband too and I'm stuck in the same situation. I can't sleep either and I want to help.
Let me know what I can do.

 

[Snowflake]

Snowflake, is there anywhere for you to go that will make you safe? You shouldn't put up with pe...

I hate feeling this badly! About me, therapy, my life.

 

[Ronin]

Is there anything that provides at least a little relief, Snowflake?

 

[seedling]

Can you pick one small, tiny thing that you are capable of making better and work on that?
Let all the big stuff ride for now, you don't have to do it all at once.
Thinking of you!

 

[sun seeker]

I can't go home with my husband not understanding what PTSD is or depression or not believing in it and therefore being called ugly, fat, lazy.

Nor should you have to, whether he understands PTSD and depression or not. That kind of name-calling is just unacceptable and no way to treat anyone, much less one's life partner. There is no way you deserve that.

I don't have the solution, it depends on whether you want to work on the relationship or move out, and no one but you can know that. I just wanted to add a voice of support, that no one should have to live like that and it is no failure on your part to feel you can't.

 

[PreciousChild]

I can't , I am too tired of living like this.

Sorry to hear that. :( I agree with sun seeker. Having a husband like that would make me feel worse than I already do. Omigod. I hope you can find a way to do good for yourself despite that. How are you doing now?

 

[RavenGirl]

@Snowflake, I'm so sorry to hear that is happening to you. I'm in no way a professional, but to ME that sounds like verbal abuse. I know I couldn't handle it either having someone I loved calling me names, putting me down, being unsupportive... what the heck happened with to love and cherish, for better or worse, in sicknesses or in health! ? I agree with @Ladyghosthunter , is there anywhere you can go that will make you feel safe, where people support you? You'll have to do some soul searching and decide which road to take next to do what's best for you. I definitely wish you all the best in the choices you make. Know that all of us here support you and know you are beautiful, You are worthy of love, you deserve respect, you matter, you are stronger than you think! ! Hang in there. :hug:;)

 

[Snowflake]

Sorry to hear that. :( I agree with sun seeker. Having a husband like that would make me feel wor...

It's been a really difficult week. I think I hit bottom -I saw my psychiatrist who prescribed a few meds including something to help me sleep. Tomorrow I see my therapist and I am alittle scared since I left her 5 messages. My home life is normal for me-I grew up in this type of environment so this is all I know-anyhow I don't have any strength or energy to do anything right now. I am really alone I wish I had support close to me-to call or text. Thanks for asking .

 

[Panda Bear]

Just because it's what you know, doesn't mean it's right....or that it has to stay that way. I pray something changes for you, and soon.

 

[PreciousChild]

Just because it's what you know, doesn't mean it's right....or that it has to stay that way. I pray...

I wholeheartedly agree. Thanks for the update, Snowflake. I think that familiarity makes us feel safe no matter how unsafe it is because at least it's something we know and survived through. But I'm really hoping that you get better than that. I'll be thinking about you and hope you are okay and stay that way.

 

[Chava]

I don't have any strength or energy to do anything right now.

I am not in a relationship but understand what it feels like to not have the energy to make changes. It's very hard. Hopefully you can take it strength from others for now and let that help you deflect the negative or give yourself some deserved space, or even little boundaries. But first finding lots of support/strength to help you start to build those inner feelings for yourself...or help combat some of the negative and draining feelings with better energy so you don't have to continue always so depleted feeling. I know how hard it is to be in that place.

Don't worry about all the messages....I've had those fears too and my therapist has been fine. Let's her know I'm melting down. It's gotten a little better, in terms of e-mailing her several times within one day.

Hang in there. I'm glad you have a therapist and hopefully some help for sleeping, and we're here for you too.