I Can't Even Talk Right Now

[FindingMyself88]

I am so triggered!! I can't even speak! I just got home from a good training session with Bristol. We are working on her distraction issues when it comes to other dogs. As normal, she was hyper when she got home. I have told my parents how they need to react to her when she gets excited and jumps, but they don't listen. I keep telling them that me pulling her off them isn't going to work in the long run, they need to teach her not to jump on them for their self.

My mom has been in a bad mood all weekend. She hasn't found a job yet and so they are both stressed, I get that. However, they need to learn to communicate with each other instead of coming to me or taking it out on everyone in the house! Anyways, Bristol went to jump up on my mom and my mom got mad and went to hit her. I saw it coming, jumped up and got between them and told her not to dare hit her!

The look in her eyes….just thinking about it I can't breathe. I went into my room with Bristol and have the door locked. I am in no shape to drive right now or I would go somewhere. She hasn't given me that look in a long time. I am triggered by so much right now. It's already been a bad weekend, I had a migraine friday night/saturday and still have a headache today. The look was the same look she use to give me before attacking verbally or physically. Plus just the thought of her hitting Bristol!! She is still a puppy and it's not her fault they aren't giving her the proper commands!

I'm furious, I'm triggered, I have a headache, and I can't go anywhere right now! I've already had some suicidal thoughts this week and this isn't helping. I'll give Bristol up before I let her be mistreated, and if I give her up, I'm giving up on myself. I can't go back to the way things were before!

 

[ghotiff]

I don't know what to say. I know how much you care for Bristol.

Remember to breathe.

 

[The Albatross]

Glad you intervened for the pup. Understand too how a familiar look which would precede a verbal or physical altercation would be so upsetting. You did though confront and do the right thing. As you keep working with Bristol she will improve. She needs to be under your voice or signal command. One of my dogs - voice is useless, so it is a clap (to get him to attend) and then a hand signal. The other is okay on voice and the third, well she is hopeless but had a lot of bad habits way before I ever got her (she was a rescue).

Try to stick with what is in the present, rather than go down the thought cascade. Do some stress relaxation stuff, breath work, and as you begin to calm, think of something short, simple, and direct to communicate and be prepared to listen, but you don't have to go back to the way things were before. Hopefully you can state that clearly and your mother and you can resolve the issue before it blows further out of proportion?

 

[Justmehere]

Oh my gosh! My hearts breaks for you and Bristol. I would have been massively shaken as well just by the look.

What your mother almost did is just so very wrong. I'm so sorry. The last thing you needed was to be triggered again and so horribly! It makes sense why you can't speak. :(

You may have to keep Bristol on a leash at your side at all times or tell her to be on a mat or kennel at home until she is under voice control. It's very ok to do this. She is a service dog and will have a very fun and active life. She's in training now and you will keep giving her lots of good play time every day, I have no doubt about that.

She will learn to not jump based on your command, no matter what your parents or anyone in the public does. Your parents lack of proper response will make it take longer, but it still can be done! Don't give up hope! Another idea is to take her where she can run or get a lot of exercise after working on resisting doggie distraction. Tired dogs are happy dogs and jump less. You can also try clicker training with a treat. If you see her about to jump, give her a command to sit, click when she does, and treat! Clicker training will just make it a little faster and you won't need the clicker or treat for very long. Soon she will do it automatically.

My dog used to mouth people. They would squeal with excitement or frustration and my dog took it as a sign to keep being mouthy. I couldn't teach my family or the general public how to respond properly to a mouthy puppy, so I had to train Lizzie to "look" at me whenever she started to get too excited and to teach her to settle. It took longer than it would have if people responded right, but she got it. Bristol is super sharp and you are and excellent trainer. You will get there!

I'm guessing that what you need most isn't dog training input.

I have no doubt you won't give up on Bristol. You two are a team. You can protect her, and you. I would be scared and triggered so badly if I went through what you did, and after such a long and tough week. But don't give up on you. Bristol needs you. She does not need anyone else, she needs you. She is in amazing hands with you. There were many times in training my dog that I was ready to give up on me, and on her and I being a team. She was actually attacked at one point by a random stranger on the sidewalk, and I was so upset, so ready to give her up to protect her. After some advice and consideration, I hung in. She is now not only a great dog and very safe in my care, she is very happy and lots of people really love her and know her around town - and I'm so much more social and less triggered now with her by my side.

Bristol needs you to not give up on your partnership with her. She picked you as much as you picked her.

Your parents do need to change... They have needed to be the good and safe parents you have needed for a very long time. They need to be safe to Bristol, and you. You did an excellent thing standing up to your mother and protecting Bristol.

I'm so so sorry this happened. I wish I could tell your mother a thing or two myself!

 

[ButterflyBean]

I hope things have calmed down for you by now, but I wanted to add that I wonder if this would be a time to contact your therapist? Being triggered this much sucks, and sometimes we just need extra support! You have every right to be upset, and I hope you can put things into perspective after things calm down tomorrow! Thinking about you!

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thank you everyone for the encouragement and support. I ended up taking one of my sleeping meds I haven't taken in a long time to sleep. Before that though my stepdad knocked on the door and I opened it. He told me dinner was ready. I said okay and then a few minutes later my mom came in to tell me the same, only there was a lot of attitude in her voice. I am extremely sensitive to tones of voices, no doubt due to the way I grew up. I told her I wasn't hungry and she said "well it will be cold later!" so I just told her I wouldn't eat. Then I asked her why she had been in a bad mood all day. Of course, there is never anything wrong with her, it's always someone else! This is why a rational conversation with her is not possible @The Albatross . Either she blames someone else or she snaps and says stuff like "well if I/we hate her so much, then maybe we would be better off without her!" just to make us feel guilty for saying anything. She has undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, I have had 2 psychiatrist, 3 therapists, and 1 social worker all say she has it.

So I didn't eat and just went straight to bed. Bristol cuddled right up against my chest for the longest time and all I could do was hold onto her and cry. She could sense upset. I don't cry very easily. Today thankfully I have a meeting with my disability counselor on campus and after that I plan on staying on campus for a little while.

Thank you for the encouragement @Justmehere and advice. I think I will start keeping her either in my room with me instead of going into the living room any or on a leash until I can get her securely trained on voice command. I'm trying to take her everyday to the park at times when no one is using the tennis courts. It is closed in so I can just let her off leash and let her run her little heart out. Until she can get better about being around other dogs, that is the best I can do for real exercise besides just walking. If we can't do that, I take her to stores just to walk around since it is training and a little exercise. Plus it helps me get better equipped to being in public places. I have recently ordered a 30ft leash online, so once that comes in we can go to a grassy spot in our apartment complex and I can let her play around me while I sit. This will be good for when I need to study for school. As nervous as I am about starting school again and succeeding, I know it will be a better routine for the both of us.

I really can't give up on her, not without giving up on myself too. She is my best friend, my only constant support. Most of all, she is the only person (yes, to me she is) that can make me laugh. All she has to do is give me one of her funny looks. I can say something and she will tilt her head sideways and it is too cute! She has done so much for me in just this 5-6 weeks.

@HollyBeans27 You don't know how much I have wanted to contact my T this week. But most of this past week she was sick, until Friday. She is not in the office on Mondays and I don't have any outside contact. I do see her tomorrow and Thursday. This is the week we start seeing each other 2x's a week. Thankfully because of our cancellation this past week due to her being sick, we will not start EMDR until the next week probably so I can share with her all that has happened and find out if there is any other contact I can have with her on weeks like this.

Thanks again for the support everyone.. hopefully this week will be better. Atleast I have something going on everyday until Friday between school appointments, training sessions at Petsmart, and therapy. My biggest concern is therapy though. I'm not allowed to take Bristol to therapy yet. My T said they are taking it to the board meeting to see if they need some special insurance. I may have to take her and leave her in the car with the windows down. I don't want to leave her at home right now...

 

[munkinmama]

I hope things work out for you it is not easy being around people who trigger you and you know they do. My ex husband is a big one for me. Is there someone you trust to leave Bristol for your appointments until you are allowed to take her with you. I would also suggest your T look up the Americans with Disabilities Act. There are only 2 reasons anyone can refuse you access (1) your dog is not housebroken and (2) the handler does not take the necessary steps to keep the dog in control. I have had to do some research myself since I need to be informed for my trip in Nov. I would also print off the act and if anyone gives you grief pull it out and have them read it ...just a suggestion

 

[FindingMyself88]

@munkinmama No it is not easy.. my mom had been doing better this past year, but then again we just started living together again a few weeks ago. I am gonna try to call my T tomorrow and explain the situation before our appointment. Technically I know i could push the situation, but I want to be respectful to my T. She wants me to be able to bring Bristol, she was all for it. It's her supervisor that is giving her the hold up. So I don't want to put her in the middle so to say. I do have a copy of the ADA in her service vest, so I may take it tomorrow and see what she says.

 

[munkinmama]

Oh good, I am in a tough situation myself and trying to find a solution . There are a few a church who are allergic to dogs and would get violently ill so I told. I am working with my Bishop to find a solution. Oh yea I found it useful I looked up in google what to when confronted - Service Dog. I found some great tips as I would be clueless on how to handle things. As I said hope things work out for you

 

[FindingMyself88]

@munkinmama Thank you, yes I've looked up videos as well on that. I dealt with my apartment not wanting to allow me to have her, but I got that fixed. Although it did take me getting a lawyer involved!

I have a similar church issue..except mine is that 2 people are terrified of dogs, even the smallest of dogs. One so bad that it would probably prevent her coming to church and I don't want that.. so I don't know what I'm gonna do as that's concerned…

Thankfully my mom is still in bed right now. I took Bristol to the park for about an hour and let her run around the tennis courts and did some training. On the positive side, we passed 2 large dogs and she did not freak out! She whined and stared a little but that is a HUGE improvement!

 

[Justmehere]

Your therapists supervisor won't let you bring a psychiatric service dog? Ugh.

You could recommend they contact the Americans with Disabilities act technical assistance center for your area. They are with the dept of justice, but they are so let for educational purposes. They help educate business owners and non profits and anyone in the public on what thee ADA requires. I have passed on the contact info for them in my area to a number of places and it has resolved access issues quickly.

Yay to you and Bristol for the progress in training!

 

[ButterflyBean]

@FindingMyself88 - I think it's a good idea to try and get a hold of your therapist before your appointment. When you discuss contact and boundaries, be sure to explain that you would not excessively use the outside contact. Maybe email would be a good first step and option? That way, if there is something in the email that your therapist feels needs more attention before your next appointment, she can take the initiative and contact you first. Doing so will alleviate the pressure of you trying to figure out when it is appropriate to contact her or not. Let us know how it goes tomorrow; I know I'll be looking forward to your update and thinking of you!