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I can't keep doing this - How do you find the strength to hold on?

@SeekingAfrica you can only do your best.
I don't think that's enough anymore. I need something major, more than major. I need to make magic to change my life right now. Don't even know how to begin to untangle my feelings and my tasks and the changes that MUST happen. Though, not giving up yet, maybe I'm not capable.
Still trying though, thank you.
Hugs. 💙
I'm on a deadline and my life is falling apart.

Things are really dark today and functioning is questionable.
There's no time for this but it's worse every day.
Hope is abstract.

How do I keep going knowing I'm already behind, things will be different than planned, when there was no margin for error?
It feels like every minute forward is killing me. Wrong choice of words. I just don't know how to be okay with being me right now.
I just want to slip away from everything, just not be anything, anyone, just for a bit. And that's a luxury for those who are not drowning (metaphorically).
You hang in there,I know it feels awful at times but do not give in.do some quiet time.let nice things come to you,you definitely are not alone.i was in an Awful place yesterday and trust me it did get better.know we are all here dealing with this awful states that tend to take the best from us.there is good out there,expect this to pass.sometimes it seems like forever.be strong.
@SeekingAfrica , none of us can do more than our best. But, you may surprise yourself with doing much better than you thought you could, or better than you ever have.

Something they say to guard against is not doing for fear of making a mistake (perfectionism, but really fear). There is a reason they say just show up. And remember, the starting is hardest, as is the last 5%. And the first 20% takes 80% of the time. You can do it. 🫂
There is a reason they say just show up. And remember, the starting is hardest, as is the last 5%. And the first 20% takes 80% of the time. You can do it. 🫂
I don't know what I believe in right now, though that saying sounds great.
I'm too far gone right now, or at least feels so. So behind I don't see the end. Like it might take me a week but I don't have a week, I have days if that to get paid before bills, payments and food become emergencies again.

Though, made oat milk today. Couldn't bring myself to cook rice(with no additions, just rice), but at least I made milk and that's something.
I'm 0.0001% away from crumbling.
Still here.
I need a break, honestly, I need someone or something, I need- I don't know.

I'm just exhausted. Everything after 2020 has just progressively made bad things worse. I don't know why or how I'm holding on.
I've pulled myself up so many times, I don't feel like it will stick even if I manage.
I'm too exhausted for walking, for cooking whatever I have left (and there's no food if I don't), I am too exhausted for side jobs and doctors and measures and talk. I am too exhausted for everything I'll have to do once this week passes and hopefully I have income.

I'm not too exhausted to work in pieces, but I've lost my spirit.
It's not impossible to make a change, but I'm not sure I have energy left.
Moving forward seems somewhere between impossible and what's the point. I am still doing things- although with too many breaks- but I am starting to forget why.