I cant self soothe, sometimes im just the opposite no matter what

[BM2A]

My therapist says are you ok to leave, can you look after yourself, listen to some music, take a bath. She s advised me to end a friendship with a friend who is emotionally manipulative, comes on to me at work, and is generally too intense.


So I have. He told me hes going to hurt himself if I end it and left messages making feel like shit.
I feel a huge loss where he was, which is too much for me right now, he is like my support network.

I know she's right. He came on to me knowing I had taken an overdose the night before, I was in a bad place, then became full on, scaring me.

I just don't understand. Hes my best friend.
I am unable to sooth myself. I cant connect with myself. I'm just in survival mode bearing the pain. I've never really learnt how to sooth myself. It feels like a strange concept today. I dont even like me.

 

[Changing4Best]

I had to disconnect and shut a person out of my life after years of his coming on to me when he should not have been doing so. I was married when he started it and then once my husband passed away, he continued with a vengeance. Finally one day I had a really bad nightmare about him in which he raped me. It felt so real that I questioned even if somehow he might have had the same dream, but from his vantage point instead of mine! It was a strange thought.

Anyway, I cut him loose. I deleted his number from my phone, blocked him on Facebook and made a special file for his emails that would send them straight to the trash file, if he should email me. I have not heard from him since. However, I did hear his voice in my mind asking, "Where are you?" It was weird. I do hear voices, so it might just have been my mind playing a trick on me. Or it might have been some strange kind of ESP. I will never be sure.

Anyway, he is GONE from my life now. And I am the better for it. However, strangely enough, another person came into my life that has done some of the same things to me that he did. Coincidence? I don't think so. The 2nd person has backed away now that I have prayed that he would leave me alone. None the less, I am still bothered by all of this and will be working on it in therapy, when I start with a new therapist on the 16th.

I am glad you are in therapy.

As to self soothing. Maybe the things that were suggested as being soothing to you are not the right things for that job. Is there anything you can think of at all that might help you to feel better? What used to make you happy when you were a kid? What were you doing the last time you were really happy?? Think on those things or try to do them again if you can. And I do hope you feel better soon.

 

[BM2A]

Thankyou for your reply x
Separating my life from his is very difficult. I share an office with him. He seems to understand my issues. But then uses that to get closer to me. I'm feeling manipulated. Which I so don't need.

And your right. Maybe I'm not use to self soothing. I like to write, I can write for hours all sorts, which helps me. And I love to make art, paint, sketch. I ve been through a lot of abuse, and soothing me, calming me was something that was done by people so they could sexually abuse me as a child and a young person. Which then turned to violence if i didn't go along with it.

Its making me sad this, but thankyou, I will try and be creative me, that helps me :)

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, writing is a great tool to help us feel better. Do you have a Trauma Diary here on the Forum? I have 2. I did one that detailed all my abuse, and I am doing another one that just details my emotions in life now, day by day. There are a couple of places that you can put a Trauma Diary here, depending upon various things. Check it out. You may find it to be a very useful tool in your life. And even if folks don't always reply to you, they do read it. Mine has been read over 3,000 times. (I did not even see how many people read my other one, I have not looked at it in a long time). Anyway, I wish you the best with all this. Getting someone off your back who is harming you in any way is the name of the game. Keep at it. You will succeed eventually. And yes, it does take effort. x

 

[MrMoonlight]

Thankyou for your reply x
He seems to understand my issues. But then uses that to get closer to me. I'm feeling manipulated.

I'm was just diagnosed but I would absolutely without hesitation remove a limb to get away from an internally dead person evil enough to use my PTSD against me. Good for you for coming up with a plan to protect yourself, you are the only one who can...

 

[BM2A]

Thankyou. I will do my best. I have a child, a little girl, and its just us now. I want to be everything my family weren't. She is thriving. Despite everything. She's been through a lot with childhood cancer. I can and will protect us both. Exhausted now!!! Must sleep tonight!!

 

[Changing4Best]

I like your strong spirit, and your protective nature of your child. You are inspiring.

 

[BM2A]

Thankyou x :)

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I apologize if I misunderstand but what I am reading is a co-worker who you share an office with, and developed a friendship with, started coming on to you against your wishes? When your husband passed, his behavior increased in intensity? He is threatening to kill himself and has left terrible voice messages?

This person might feel comfortable to you and maybe, just maybe, you interpret that comfortable feeling as friendship. In reality, that comfortable feeling is a huge red flag. Especially when you allow yourself to get caught in the drama. Yes, it does get the adrenaline going and that's our main addiction.
I speak for myself only. I have and continue to be drawn to unhealthy relationships. Then it might give you something to think about.

I don't know how long your situation has been going on but I imagine for some time.

I can only suggest going to your supervisor and request to be moved to another office.
He could be written up for harassment since you have proof with the voice messages. But I don't think that is what you would want to do.
The work place can be difficult enough without added drama. Do it for you because you deserve a healthier environment and healthier relationships.

Wishing you a healthier tomorrow

Alice