I Constantly Feel Like Everyone Dislikes Me..

[Hopefulforhappiness]

This is my first post. But ive reccently started going back to therapy and was told I have ptsd. I really don't want to be put on meds. Addiction runs big in my family and I just don't want anything to do with pills. I'm so afraid it will end up ruining my life.

Anyways, I have really bad anxiety and over think EVERYTHING. Espeacially how I interact with people. If I have a conversation I replay every word in my head, usually putting myself down and thinking everyone I talk to thinks im annoying, dumb or ugly. I also almost come up with stories in my head about how every person could be hurting me. Its really bad, I never tell anyone(beside my therapist) I just think all these thoughts at the same time, on my way to someones house or while I'm with them, even on my way home. It makes it really hard to focus on what people are saying, and then I'm lost in the conversation and I put myself down for that too. I get sweaty and my heart starts racing, it's hard to breathe,sometimes I start feeling nauseous.

It makes it so I really don't want to go out, I want to avoid these thoughts and feelings. But my boyfriend is really close with his family and they all like to go out. He deserves to be able to go out with them but usually stays home now and I think it's because of me. I think he does it to help me but I then think his family hates me and get anxious about that. And feel guilty because he should be able to have fun.

I also get really really jealous. Every time he's not with me I think he's cheating on me. I even think his family is hooking him up with someone else because they hate how shy/awkward/sad I am .Its pathetic I know it is. I don't tell him or acuse him all the time just every once in a while when I'm really too far into it. I can ussualy talk myself out of it, I just feel like he has to realize he can be with someone better then me. And he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. He's the first person who has ever made me feel loved and it scares the hell out of me.

I just want to stop being nervous and unhappy all the time. I can't have fun or let loose. It makes me really uncomfortable and anxious. I even over think about the way I'm sitting, where I'm looking , how my arms are laying, EVERYTHING I just want to be able to do everyday things and have a nornal life and enjoy doing it. Is it possible without meds?if I do need to take,them,are they going to make me foggy? Tired? Out of it?

 

[ladee]

Welcome! It took a lot of courage to share how you are feeling. Glad you are here.
There are many meds for anxiety that are not addictive. Please share with your T about this. I have been where you are and it's a nightmare.
I am on meds so that my brain Will slow down and I can absorb what I am being taught to heal.
I wish you well and am glad you are here. A lot of caring supportive people who understand.

 

[joeylittle]

ive reccently started going back to therapy and was told I have ptsd. I really don't want to be put on meds. Addiction runs big in my family and I just don't want anything to do with pills.

The good news is, there really aren't any medications that treat PTSD specifically.

There are medications that help manage depression, anxiety, hyper-arousal, nightmares...various PTSD symptoms. But there's no PTSD 'drug'.

As far as managing your anxiety goes - I think you'd benefit a lot from getting some foundation in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). It's a very practical way to address many of those runaway thoughts that aren't based in reality. You'd also enjoy (?) learning about Cognitive Distortions. Pretty much everyone with a mental illness has them, to greater or lesser degrees.

DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) is good for some techniques to manage extreme, difficult feelings.

Do you know if your therapist uses CBT or DBT? Are you seeing a trauma therapist, specifically?

My personal favorite way to handle anxiety is with breath control. A good one is to breathe in through your nose for a slow count of 4, hold your breath for a slow four, breathe out over the course of a slow four, and then rest (without inhaling) for four. If you can hold your breath at the bottom and the top without closing off your throat, so much the better.

As soon as you suspect you might be getting anxious - that's a good time to start. Your goal is to beat your body to it's typical lizard-brain response. You need to do that breathing pattern (or any pattern, really) for at least four minutes; don't stop after a minute because you think things are OK. Once you get good at it, it's a little easier to do that.

Your anxiety sounds like it's connected to your thinking, and (in my opinion) that's the easier kind to work on - it doesn't mean it's less horrible to have, it just means that you can address it pretty effectively by addressing the thoughts that cause it.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

I'm with Joey Little on the CBT and DBT. Absolutely.

Also, I'd recommend Thought Stoppage. I've written about it several times here. I'm sure your therapist can help you learn Thought Stoppage.

 

[bring em all in]

This is my first post. But ive reccently started going back to therapy and was told I have...

Thanks for your sharing. I perceive everyone as either repelled by me or pitying me. In Pete Walker's book on PTSD he writes about the inner and outer critic. They certainly rule my life. My childhood experiences had a profound impact on how I see myself (ugly, unlovable, unlikable) and view the world as an unsafe place in which I have no place to fit in. I remember as a child watching the Rudolf Christmas cartoon and wishing someone would take me to the Land of the Misfit Toys. The closest I have come is the outpatient day hospital at a mental hospital. If I could live there I might be able to make it in the world after all.

While not minimizing my childhood experiences, my therapist reminded me this week that I see myself and the world through the prism of negative core beliefs engendered by those experiences. I know for myself I put myself and others in no-win situations with my thinking, and I'm looking for ways to overcome them.

As far as medications go, ladee is correct that many of them are not addictive. I've also had a neuro-psychologist recommend EFT Tapping and I am scheduled for 4 sessions with an EFT therapist in January. It is a holistic therapy that helps with a variety of physical and mental conditions, and as I wrote in another post some studies have found it highly effective for treating PTSD. I've read it also helps with PTSD symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and the low self-esteem/limiting thoughts that tie our minds in knots and make life a nightmare for many of us.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever course(s) of healing you pursue, and look forward to updates from you! These forums have been a great place of information and support, and I've only been here a short time.