I Cry For My Generation More Than Anything.

[Flossy]

God, that post went awry. What I meant to talk about was that the only reason I have a sense of community is that I go for a coffee every day. I usually go to the same place, sometimes different places. But I talk to people. I see people and they see me and sometimes people say hello. That is my sense of community. Sitting out side at a coffee shop and the girls in the shop know my name and know what coffee I have.

I call it my community because it makes something so small, insignificant and simple become something that makes me feel I belong somewhere.

I occassionally do things that spread out from having a coffee there. My husband did caricatures for free at a halloween night. I give the girls first option on anything I have that I am going to donate or give away.

It's a tiny small thing that I have put a value on, because I needed it.

You might have it too if you think about somewhere you go where someone says hello or knows your name. Maybe not. I just didnt want you to think my communtiy was a big deal thing. :)

 

[joeylittle]

But you post such lengthy responses that the question begs at the back of my mind. I'm being genuine here. Are you trying to save people?

Nope. I have some minor brain damage, which affected my ability to come up with the right words for things, and as a result I can get meander-y with language, especially when there's something nuanced I'm trying to communicate and/or when being critical of someone. I respond to topics I have something to say about, that's all.

(And if you mean save in the religious sense, no, I'm agnostic)

 

[iwannadeletethis]

God, that post went awry. What I meant to talk about was that the only reason I have a sense of community...

Sorry I couldn't reply earlier!! Your response was great!! Thank you :) and I have thought about the live in nanny thing. I've checked out nanny agencies that send girls abroad :) I figured, if I have to live with more strangers, it might as well be in a new and exciting place. I'm just saving up money so I can make a decision like that your sense of community sounds like mine.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

Nope. I have some minor brain damage, which affected my ability to come up with the right words for...

Ok awesome:) I do love your replies but I was getting concerned about the underlying intent. Thanks for letting me know :)

 

[joeylittle]

I was getting concerned about the underlying intent.

Why? (honest question)

 

[Flossy]

Can I ask this question and I know it is naiive. I am naiive.

Is there something wrong with trying to save people? I know all the respect boundaries etc etc stuff. But for me, when I think I have something to offer in the way of help or personal experience and I have a huge sense of empathy, is there a very large difference between 'wanting to help' and 'wanting to save' or 'wanting to save from that problem hurting them more' ?

I am immature in some areas of growing up, so I find it hard to gauge the difference. If someone was standing on a bridge ready to jump, I would try to save them. If someone stands in front of me (figuratively) in intense pain, I want to save them. It doesnt mean I want to stay in their life and be their mentor, it just means I think it is right and just to stand up and go the whole nine yards until they have no further need.

Can you please define for me the difference you see Skitzii.? It will help me learn. Maybe tell me how it feels if you think someone is trying to save you.

PS France or Britain nanny/au pair. I think there is some differentiation. Or Personal Assistant/Organiser for a socialite or celebrity if you prefer not to deal with children. That could be interesting. Then again, good coffee makers are needed everywhere. Is there a fruit picking/orchard worker industry in US? Here, the farmers provide accomodation and the workers move from farm to farm for the seasons and live in hostels in their downtime.

It would be nice for you to find an 'inbetween' answer to your dilemma.

 

[Mallaky]

This forum is a support forum. To support is wanting to help.

Are you trying to save people?

The heart of people trying to help others with the same affliction as themselves, is the hope that ones suffering can help alleviate anothers. It is a great source of strength and hope, and a vital part of accepting ones situation and moving on. To spin it as something negative is an insult to every user on this forum, who does not just suck the life out of others, but tries to give back.

 

[joeylittle]

For what it's worth, I read the distinction as:
wanting to save = believing you know what's best and that it's actually your responsibility to get someone on the 'right' as you see it.
wanting to help = believing you have something useful to put out there, but not expecting anything of the person you offer it to.

Help, to me, feels like telling someone you are really worried about them. Save would be, take them to the hospital because you know it's best, even if it's against their will.

There are times when saving is absolutely appropriate, in certain relationships and/or situations. I don't think it's a healthy level of responsibility to assume in re: someone over the internet, that you've never met in real life. If I'm a crisis worker in a phone center, I can want to help people. If I believe it's my job to save them, I will believe I have failed when they don't make it. Same for doctors, nurses, EMTs - maybe even same for military - though I think it's harder at those levels because you are dealing with real people in real space, and sometimes you get to know those people very well, and then the relationship may change to one where your intention to save someone is really real and right, instead of being out of scale.

Just my thoughts.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

Why? (honest question)

Because when people write so much and so often, they typically have what is called a "savior mentality" and you have to be careful how much you listen to them.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

Can I ask this question and I know it is naiive. I am naiive.

Is there something wrong with trying to s...

People do need saving sometimes, of course!! But only if they want to be saved. Someone with a savior mentality is forcing ideas on people in almost a verbally abusive way. They, of course, do not view it that way. They just simply have the goal of getting you to their idea of "healthy" or "perfection". There's a lot of shoving ideas down the throat. It's very common in religious circles, but can be in other circles too.

I love the ideas!! Thanks so much for sharing <3 the more ideas, the more free I feel. Options are a wonderful thing. And though I'll probably be giving my man another shot while I'm here (he's blaming the stresses of buying a house and my previous unemployment), my mind is open to me leaving if he doesn't quit it with the mean shit. I don't have an emotionally led bone in my body at this point. Very jaded.

 

[iwannadeletethis]

This forum is a support forum. To support is wanting to help.



The heart of people trying to help oth...

Yes, yes I understand. But there's an abusive way to do this as well. it's just good to check in before definite mental assumptions are made.

 

[joeylittle]

Because when people write so much and so often, they typically have what is called a "savior mentality"

OK. I make decisions on what to listen to based on whether or not it makes sense and has a foundation I understand. 'So much and so often', to me, reflects writing style and time, that's all. I'm on staff. I read everything. I have opinions, I write them. That's all.

I'm still wondering what 'mental rape of today's society' means, and why it's hitting you so hard.