I Don't Get This

[Nicole0317]

So I was r**** a few years ago a few times and before that I was r**** once anyways sometimes it's like I can be sitting there in my bed and it's like I can look to the side and it's like I can see myself being raped again but as if I'm like idk watching it from a gallery or from someone else's perspective like im sitting here and it's like I can see myself being r***** again and again but like I'm looking down and watching it I don't understand this it's really scaring me! :bag::cry::nailbiting::nailbiting:

 

[KwanYingirl]

That's called dissociation. When under extreme stress the mind can literally detach itself from the pain and fear of the experience. Your mind is coping with your memories or flashbacks and just like it dussociates at the time of the rape it still kicks in. You should definitely discuss this with your therapist. While dissociation works in the short term, it is a maladaptive coping mechanism that interferes with life. If you dissociate at the drop of a hat when stressed-like I do- you miss out on life. You start isolating and it just snowballs into being a bundle of separate parts instead of one whole being. I still see my grandfather staring at me when I'm in therapy trying to talk about his torture of me. He's glaring at me and I just disappear out the window and see myself from the outside. I have many different dissociative parts that I am trying to integrate.

You are young still and getting help. That makes me glad for you that you can address these effects of rape now instead of twenty years later and lots of shame and regret.

 

[WillyKat]

That might also be what is sometimes called depersonalization, sort of an out-of-body experience. KwanYingirl is right about talking it over with your T.

 

[Nicole0317]

That's called dissociation. When under extreme stress the mind can literally detach itself from the...

Yea I do this all the time like I'm at the beach right now and this is totally ruining it and won't stop

 

[KwanYingirl]

It takes a lot of practice to master staying grounded in the here and now. Be at the beach, safe and warm. Feel your feet planted firmly in the sand and the sun on your skin. You are safe.

 

[Nicole0317]

I have really bad experiences with water so that Dosent make this any better...

 

[Nicole0317]

It takes a lot of practice to master staying grounded in the here and now. Be at the beach, safe and...

but thanks for replying but it Dosent help that my brother is here either...

 

[KwanYingirl]

Yeah, I get that @Nicole0317 . Sorry you're feeling shitty. Can you daydream? Go to your magical fantasy place where you call all the shots?

 

[Nicole0317]

Nope I don't have a safe place eveeytime I think of one it only states safe for a few seconds and then somehow becomes terrifying and my brother is being so dang frustrating he's trying to act like he didn't r**** me how ever many times i don't even know just won't leave me alone ughhhhh I walk over here to the water he follows I try to avoid me and make it very distinct I would like for him to go away and then he try's to hug me and I'm like no you scare the heck out of me

 

[Nicole0317]

Yeah, I get that @Nicole0317 . Sorry you're feeling shitty. Can you daydream? Go...

But thanks for trying oh and he is sleeping in a room 2feet away from mine so I'm scared as heck!!!

 

[Nicole0317]

And great lets just add on too my big list of issues now tmrw mourning me and my brother are gonna be alone at my beach house for 7hours that mean I'm gonna be freaking and probably have a few panic attack too great sounds fun....no I'm scared out of my mind :bag::bag::bag::cry::cry::nailbiting::nailbiting::nailbiting::banghead::banghead::banghead:

 

[joeylittle]

tmrw mourning me and my brother are gonna be alone at my beach house for 7hours

Can you stick with some adults instead? You aren't supposed to be left alone with him, I thought.

my brother is no longer allowed to be at home alone with me or my sister

Do you have your therapists' contact info? You might want to call her.