My boyfriend and I had been talking about him coming back to live with me. I had told him that for it to happen he would have to agree to going to the VA. He was all for it. One day. Then not. Then yes. Then he wanted to get married. Then he asked if he just showed up would I let him in. To that I told him that the thought scared me because if he just came back things would go back to he way they were, which wasn't good. So just last night he told me he would go to the VA where he was and get started there. I felt that it was a good start.
Now tonite I get a text from him. He said he has been very depressed. He can't keep living in a rented room. He said he has just been more or less hanging out waiting to see if I would let him come back. But now he is going to find an apartment and stay there. (I don't know how he is going to do this because his social security is not much). He said he is too stupid and proud to ask for help and even if he went to the VA he would probably only go one or two times and stop. And he doesn't want to hurt me.
He doesn't want to hurt me? What does he think he is doing? Yes I'm very angry because I thought we were making some progress with him seeking help. I thought he was becoming open to he idea. And now this. Oh and 3 days ago he brought up getting married. Again. Its something he brings up alot but I'm not going to get married when we can't even manage to live together.
So I'm sitting here and start going back in my head and conversations we had and now I'm not even sure that all the I love you's were sincere. I'm keep wondering if he just didn't want to come back so he didn't have to live in a rented room. And yes I'm really really angry. But this little voice in the back of my head says "it's for the best".
I could ask the question "but if he loved me wouldn't he seek help?" But I know that is not valid. At least my head knows it. My heart is a different story. We are no spring chickens. Both 64. He was my boyfriend all through high school. Then he got stupid and joined the army at 17, went to Vietnam at 18. And told me not to wait for him. We were both so young. I ended up getting married. Years passed. This past summer I got a divorce and was on facebook one night and saw him. I friended him. He accepted immediately. And for the next 3 months we were either talking, texting or emailing. We talked about his time in Nam. I asked why he told me not to wait for him and that it hurt me alot. He said he didn't expect to come back alive and didn't want me to go through that. BUT never did he mention anything about PTSD.
I'm so sorry - I am rambling now and I'll stop. This too shall pass. Everything happens for a reason. And every other cliche I can think of. Am I angry?? Yes. Am I relieved?? Yes.
Now tonite I get a text from him. He said he has been very depressed. He can't keep living in a rented room. He said he has just been more or less hanging out waiting to see if I would let him come back. But now he is going to find an apartment and stay there. (I don't know how he is going to do this because his social security is not much). He said he is too stupid and proud to ask for help and even if he went to the VA he would probably only go one or two times and stop. And he doesn't want to hurt me.
He doesn't want to hurt me? What does he think he is doing? Yes I'm very angry because I thought we were making some progress with him seeking help. I thought he was becoming open to he idea. And now this. Oh and 3 days ago he brought up getting married. Again. Its something he brings up alot but I'm not going to get married when we can't even manage to live together.
So I'm sitting here and start going back in my head and conversations we had and now I'm not even sure that all the I love you's were sincere. I'm keep wondering if he just didn't want to come back so he didn't have to live in a rented room. And yes I'm really really angry. But this little voice in the back of my head says "it's for the best".
I could ask the question "but if he loved me wouldn't he seek help?" But I know that is not valid. At least my head knows it. My heart is a different story. We are no spring chickens. Both 64. He was my boyfriend all through high school. Then he got stupid and joined the army at 17, went to Vietnam at 18. And told me not to wait for him. We were both so young. I ended up getting married. Years passed. This past summer I got a divorce and was on facebook one night and saw him. I friended him. He accepted immediately. And for the next 3 months we were either talking, texting or emailing. We talked about his time in Nam. I asked why he told me not to wait for him and that it hurt me alot. He said he didn't expect to come back alive and didn't want me to go through that. BUT never did he mention anything about PTSD.
I'm so sorry - I am rambling now and I'll stop. This too shall pass. Everything happens for a reason. And every other cliche I can think of. Am I angry?? Yes. Am I relieved?? Yes.
