I Don't Understand

[Punky143]

How am I supposed to care when the people around me all gave up and left me behind? I can only come to the conclusion that I am worth leaving behind despite being assured things won't change but they always do.

 

[ladee]

Not knowing all you are speaking of, being left behind is hard to understand by anyone. Maybe you could share a little more, if you are comfortable, to let us know what we can help you with..But will say you have a tremendous amount of worth... I am reading you this morning... that says you are worth listening to ... and worth supporting. Sending you gentle hugs and reminding you , you are not alone... we are not with you in Real LIfe, but we are here and listening... You do have worth.

 

[Punky143]

I don't know where to start because this nightmare seems to of started the day I was born. That being said, I guess that's the reason why I'm even writing on here. Fast forward years of crap until 1 year ago I caught my husband having a texting relationship with a coworker which destroyed me as I always thought I would be his one and only but I was wrong. Then my neighbor, with whom I was close with moved, then my very best friend moved, then I started sharing more with my T that I never thought I could. Because of that it has led to my past trauma coming up in which I'm in the beginning stages and struggle to find out what the hell happened. I dissociate all the time and my husband is a major trigger but I have yet to tell him. We went to marriage counseling but I don't believe it worked because of where I am. Then my grandmother went from cooking easter dinner for everyone at 93 yrs old to having 2 strokes and spending 1.5 weeks in the hospital in hospice until she passed away. Then my everything at work, my mentor, my coworker who knows everything about the job and the added bonus of her friendship decides she can't take the bs of the boss and quits. Then today my husband informs me that he'll most likely be loosing his job. Too add in, my once best friend clearly to her I'm a friend of convince and not anymore. She made that clear when I picked her up from the airport and said she never wanted to come back and no one and nothing is keeping her from moving far away. I hear a ton of "I'm so sorry's" but none of it matters anymore. How do I continue on and care when everyone else around me has given up? I don't have any real friends. I don't have any one that truly appreciates me and is excited to see me during whatever part of the day. I get used all the time. My once coworker has now forced me into a position that now I am a puppet for my a hole boss to use and do whatever he wants with. Why? Because. Why not. I have nothing left anymore. Pretty horrible feeling when you realize no one has your back despite what they say :-(

 

[ladee]

Thank you for sharing your story. Of course you are feeling abandoned. But I am going to say, you are NOT a lost cause, you found this site and you posted. Something in you is reaching out, and I am reaching back, as will many people here.
No we don't get to set and have coffee with you, or go shopping, or the fun things like that, but you have made a connection, that you initiated and you are being heard... you are valued here !! We do care if you are alone... and here, you don't have to be alone anymore...
I am sorry that you feel there is no one.... but am very happy you have at least reached out and shared what is going on and giving us a chance to welcome you and help on your healing journey.. I have felt that way also, many times. but something kept me hanging on... just as you are... give yourself a chance to get comfortable here and you may be surprised how many people feel just like you do... sending you gentle welcome hugs of you accept.. if not ready for hugs, put them on a shelf and take one as needed.... Happy you are here...

 

[Punky143]

Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read, think and respond back. It means so much more than that and I don't think I have to explain why. I don't know you personally but I appreciate you so thank you after the day of hell.

 

[ladee]

You are welcome @Punky143 ! You are an important part of our community now.. so we appreciate that you are sharing and reaching out.... keep coming around.. Read, post if you need or want to.... happy you are here... it does get better... no lie on that one !!