I feel gone, but I’m trying my best


New Here
I think for a very very long time I have treated life like this video game. Like- it’s not actually real. And I think it makes sense I would derealize from life that much with everything I went to. But recently I’ve been having these exciting dreams with running away and scary people and I’ve loved them, they fill that gap in my now peaceful safe life. I think partly I feel bored. I think that’s why I create these exciting worlds and characters and why I want to immerse myself in the production of them. But life is- boring compared to the excitement of living that life. I’ve found myself going back to my dreams full of intimidation and bizzare intense plot lines than wanting to wake up. I think it’s not disruptive eight now and I am able to see this and that’s a big step. My old therapist told me- that the life “normal” people live is probably boring for me. That I will struggle to be ok with the lack of intensity. And I see that.