Relationship I feel like im losing her to ptsd. help!

[WeFunction]

Losing her to ptsd.

Desperate for a nudge in the right direction... my girlfriend has ptsd from past Sexual abuse but has never been diagnosed and has not been to therapy. She shows the following signs, no self worth, trust issues, depression, anger, very withdrawn. She says that it has almost made it impossible for her to truly love or feel love from another guy. That was devastating for me to hear because i believe she is the person i want to spend my life with.

It seems like everything has always been perfect except for the ptsd symptoms. Shes fully aware of that part of her and has told me from the beginning that she was a "little crazy". Her triggers are seeing other women not fully clothed or nude. Having me with her only intensifies. Her walls go up with me, she starts to have panic attacks, depression, anger, and she starts to isolate. There is no talking to her while she is in this mind set. It last days sometimes weeks. Recently it has gotten worse...

She feels so bad that i have to deal with all of her "crazyness". I dont mind, but it kills me to see her that way, especially when i cant do anything to help. It bums me out that she has to deal with this but she feels like shes a huge burden on me... i cant convince her otherwise no matter how hard i try.

After her worst ptsd episode last week, she broke up with me in an attempt to completely withdraw and isolate herself. We still live together and after a few days passed, she is starting to inch her way out of her barrier, were back to being very close again. We are both so in love with each other but the ptsd symptoms decrease while we arent officially "dating", except for the fact she seems very depressed because she wants to keep the relationship going but cant handle the ptsd. Shes is open to seeing a therapist. I have been researching and learning a lot about ptsd but im still new to this.

Any help, suggestions, or nudges in the right direction for her recovery would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to read.

 

[Kintsugi]

Regardless of whether or not she has PTSD, it sounds like she really needs some professional help from someone experienced in trauma.

I think it's great that you're so in love. How long have you two been together (not counting random in-home break-ups)?

If she does have PTSD and continues to struggle with managing symptoms, doesn't seek treatment... the "except for PTSD" thing will become a bigass "except." Even with treatment, if she really has PTSD, this will be an incredibly trying road for her and also you. I'm going to put this clearly yet gently... it is not unlikely that if she really does have PTSD, she will need to be free of a relationship in order to work on her personal baggage.

I hate to be the bearer of... not hope. But that's just my opinion from my experience watching people at the beginning of their journey.

 

[WeFunction]

Regardless of whether or not she has PTSD, it sounds like she really needs some professional help f...

We have only been dating for about a year and half. We were close friends for even longer. We wouldve started dating right away but she was always afraid this might happen. She has always had trouble getting close to people. The longer we were together, it slowly but surely got worse.
As for the chance of us not being able to be together in order for her to get through this... im am ok with thay. It absolutely breaks my heart but i know deep down i only want whats best for her. She truly deserves to be happy, with or without me.

Thank you so much for the quick reply and honesty. Ive been trying to deal with this all by myself and i cant even begin to explain how nice it is to be able to discuss this with someone... anyone. If you or anyone else has any suggestions of types of therapy they recommend gor this kind of thing, please let me know.

 

[Kintsugi]

Cognitive behavior therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, prolonged exposure, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, interpersonal... these are all common modalities for trauma and especially PTSD. She's going to need to seek help from someone who knows trauma.

My best advice for someone seeking a trauma T is this... if you always like what your T says, find a new one who will tell you what you need to hear instead of paying for warm fuzzies.

ETA: all of what I've written comes with the disclaimer that she will need not only treatment but an accurate Dx. There are a lot of symptomatic reactions to trauma. PTSD is one. And there is overlap. It's not as easy as looking up the most-know trauma Dx (PTSD) in the DSM and checking it off like a grocery list. She needs professional assessment.

 

[Songbird]

I'm married and I'm the one with PTSD. I've been in therapy for about 7 months now and it was within this time that I found out I have it. Getting help and learning my actions and what they come from has been very helpful for me, and I believe it would be for your girlfriend as well. Unfortunately, I waited too long to seek help and it has done some damage to my relationship. For 5 years we've been together with me lashing out and pulling away from my boyfriend turned husband, and it's now gotten to the point where he's extremely hurt and doesn't believe I really want to be with him. If you can find my thread, I'm now on here seeking advice from partners of ptsd sufferers on how to win his trust & our bond back.

I encourage you to seek professional help as well, as it will give you a better understanding of everything and give you coping skills. I wouldn't want to see you end up like my husband. The hurt in his eyes is serious and I may have even caused him some trauma. Feel free to ask questions and I'll help best I can. Good luck with everything.

 

[WeFunction]

I'm married and I'm the one with PTSD. I've been in therapy for about 7 months now and it was within t...

Im very glad to hear therapy has worked for you. Im really hoping it works for us as well. Im sorry you and your husband have to deal with all of this too. Its hard. I really dont think itll traumatize me to the point of needing a therapist. If her and i do make it through all of this. I would like to see one to learn everything i can on how to help her through all of this. Ive been online researching and reading books constantly since we have broken up. But i do believe speaking to a professional about it would be very beneficial. My main concern is getting her in. I know she is open to seeing a therapist and im hoping she will be able to handle what it takes to go the distance.

If u dont mind me asking, does it only intensify your episodes of isolation and needing space, when you see your husband so upset. When we first broke up, i was clearly devastated and she knew. But it felt like this only made it worse for her and her depression. Like she was dealing with so much already and couldnt even bare the fact to see me upset because of her. I guess what im wondering, should i just try to stay positive infront of her and act like im not bummed out? It has only seemed to deeping her depression and that is the last thing i want.

Again, thank you guys for the quick responses. Talking with people who can relate is extremely helpful.

 

[Soulmate]

Losing her to ptsd.

Desperate for a nudge in the right direction... my girlfriend has ptsd from pas...

I keep being pushed away from someone I care about for many years he has ptsd

 

[Songbird]

Im very glad to hear therapy has worked for you. Im really hoping it works for us as well. Im sorry...

To answer your question, yes, it does make me push away or distance myself more when I see my husband is upset, especially if it involves me. Sometimes, at the moment that he's mad, I'll play cool. But this anger will fester inside me until all is cool, and then I'll "act up". I would say that it's not good for you to suppress your true feelings either just so your girlfriend can be ok. That wouldn't be healthy, but maybe learning better way to express it could help a lot. you cannot care for someone in spite of yourself. That would fall into codependency and will end very painfully. But caring for yourself as you care for others could be beautiful. I hope you both get the help you need and deserve sooner than later.

 

[Sighs]

Don't assume she has PTSD. Many of the symptoms are shared with other disorders, but appropriate treatments differ, hence why it is important not to google-diagnose. A professional diagnosis is the first step.

Once you have that, getting the appropriate treatment is the next step. Be aware that symptoms often get worse before they get better once treatment starts.

Beware of hiding your own feelings. You simply can't do that long term. They will bubble out somehow - often at the worst possible time. Don't be so confident that you will not need therapy. I'm on anti-anxiety meds because of my vet's PTSD.

 

[Bowl83]

Sounds like me ten years and about 7 relationships ago. My current bf dealt with it best. I had borderline personality disorder, self harmed because I felt worthless etc. He went to the library and read about as much as he could and scooped me up when I was crying and asked me questions. So many people try and avoid mentioning it.

If she won't get professional help, recommend the website After Silence. Its a forum like this but sexual abuse specific. It was the first time I really spoke to anyone who got me and I still have a friend I talk to 16 years after

I hope you guys get through it :)

 

[Mytime]

You may feel like you don’t need therapy. I’m a supporter and if she start her own therapy, trust me when I say
“Seek therapy for yourself “. Therapy will be hard for her, it will be hard on you. Are you still living together? If you are I’m more then happy to share some of the things that helped me and my SO.