I have to wonder if your expectations of people are too high. Everyone is flawed, and some people are definitely flawed to the extent that it's better not to have them around. Not disputing that. Alongside it, is it possible that you might be setting too high a standard for other people to have to meet?
I'm struck by your descriptions of behaviour as gaslighting, for example:
Gaslighting is a gradual, subtle, pervasive, accumulative process that is hard to detect while it's happening. Gaslighting takes time, months at least, and I'm not clear what the timescale is here. I can't help wondering if you are going a bit too quickly to a label for someone's reaction. Perhaps they have not reacted as you hoped. That doesn't necessarily mean it's gaslighting (it might, I don't know all the details, what I'm raising is a query).
I'm also very uncomfortable with your statement "Most cowards will flee like little b***ches when even gently confronted." I'm going to be very honest and say that this sounds a lot more reactive than considered. How can you be certain they are cowards, as opposed to people who aren't perfect and are human and - for whatever reason - feel taken aback and put on the spot? What exactly are these "little b****ches" that you're comparing them to? I'm not familiar with the idea of little b****ches running away, as a common comparison for things. And, probably most controversially, do you have a reality check for your confrontation being gentle? Is that a contradiction in terms? A discussion can be gentle. A disagreement can be gentle. A confrontation is a clash.
When you describe yourself as an "aspie" - I assume that means you have Asperger syndrome? Please tell me if that's a wrong assumption. Assuming it's correct, and I feel like I'm sticking my head above the parapet to be shot at here, would you be willing to read what I've written from the viewpoint of someone who doesn't have Asperger syndrome? What you wrote made me feel defensive and on guard. I feel like you might be moving in a very healthy, worthwhile direction of stating your needs and expecting decent treatment from people around you. I also feel it's possible that, as part of doing this, you might have swung a little bit towards the more extreme end of asserting yourself.
If so, I think this is a very usual way of addressing an inequality or injustice. When women were fighting to be given the vote in my country, they Initially chained themselves to railings and even threw themselves under race horses in the middle of a race (and died). Later, there came to be a more balanced co-operative approach. There was more discussion on common ground. In my view, the initial and more extreme action was needed. It shook things up and moved people away from how things were before. I also think that it was then necessary to move from that point to a much more collaborative, co-operative discussion. Personally, I think both those things were equally necessary for women to get the right to vote.
What I wonder is whether you have been in the first stage and now need to move into the second. Having shaken yourself and other people out of how things were before, is there a more collaborative (and accepting) way to discuss how to go forward in the future?
I'm struck by your descriptions of behaviour as gaslighting, for example:
Gaslighting is a gradual, subtle, pervasive, accumulative process that is hard to detect while it's happening. Gaslighting takes time, months at least, and I'm not clear what the timescale is here. I can't help wondering if you are going a bit too quickly to a label for someone's reaction. Perhaps they have not reacted as you hoped. That doesn't necessarily mean it's gaslighting (it might, I don't know all the details, what I'm raising is a query).
I'm also very uncomfortable with your statement "Most cowards will flee like little b***ches when even gently confronted." I'm going to be very honest and say that this sounds a lot more reactive than considered. How can you be certain they are cowards, as opposed to people who aren't perfect and are human and - for whatever reason - feel taken aback and put on the spot? What exactly are these "little b****ches" that you're comparing them to? I'm not familiar with the idea of little b****ches running away, as a common comparison for things. And, probably most controversially, do you have a reality check for your confrontation being gentle? Is that a contradiction in terms? A discussion can be gentle. A disagreement can be gentle. A confrontation is a clash.
When you describe yourself as an "aspie" - I assume that means you have Asperger syndrome? Please tell me if that's a wrong assumption. Assuming it's correct, and I feel like I'm sticking my head above the parapet to be shot at here, would you be willing to read what I've written from the viewpoint of someone who doesn't have Asperger syndrome? What you wrote made me feel defensive and on guard. I feel like you might be moving in a very healthy, worthwhile direction of stating your needs and expecting decent treatment from people around you. I also feel it's possible that, as part of doing this, you might have swung a little bit towards the more extreme end of asserting yourself.
If so, I think this is a very usual way of addressing an inequality or injustice. When women were fighting to be given the vote in my country, they Initially chained themselves to railings and even threw themselves under race horses in the middle of a race (and died). Later, there came to be a more balanced co-operative approach. There was more discussion on common ground. In my view, the initial and more extreme action was needed. It shook things up and moved people away from how things were before. I also think that it was then necessary to move from that point to a much more collaborative, co-operative discussion. Personally, I think both those things were equally necessary for women to get the right to vote.
What I wonder is whether you have been in the first stage and now need to move into the second. Having shaken yourself and other people out of how things were before, is there a more collaborative (and accepting) way to discuss how to go forward in the future?
