I feel too much when really depressed

[Punky143]

When my major depression gets really low, that's when flashbacks happen, feeling very alone, and don't want to do anything out of the house.
I struggle with change and loss. My best friend died- 12 yr old golden retriever, currently one of my doctors is leaving, my uncle died and my boss retired this past Friday. I don't know how to explain how it makes us feel. Embarrassed because I'm 45 and still struggle when people leave and move on despite it making sense. I have DID so it's felt by all of out. So tomorrow is a change as I will go to work, try my best and miss what once was. She was first my boss but then a work friend and rightfully so, retired. I'm so very depressed

 

[PamelaS]

When my major depression gets really low, that's when flashbacks happen, feeling very alone, and don't want to do anything out of the house.
I struggle with change and loss. My best friend died- 12 yr old golden retriever, currently one of my doctors is leaving, my uncle died and my boss retired this past Friday. I don't know how to explain how it makes us feel. Embarrassed because I'm 45 and still struggle when people leave and move on despite it making sense. I have DID so it's felt by all of out. So tomorrow is a change as I will go to work, try my best and miss what once was. She was first my boss but then a work friend and rightfully so, retired. I'm so very depressed

Do meds help? I can notice if I miss my meds I don’t do so well. I’m learning to watch for signs before it gets out of control and addressing what caused it. Hope that helps. Sorry for your struggles. I struggle too.

 

[Punky143]

Do meds help? I can notice if I miss my meds I don’t do so well. I’m learning to watch for signs before it gets out of control and addressing what caused it. Hope that helps. Sorry for your struggles. I struggle too.

Thank you for your kind words. I feel alone a lot when it comes to my mental health, especially when my depression gets bad. I wish you the best

 

[PamelaS]

Thank you for your kind words. I feel alone a lot when it comes to my mental health, especially when my depression gets bad. I wish you the best

You’re welcome Punky. I am on 2 antidepressants and 1 for anxiety plus as needed meds for when I get triggered. Maybe you could benefit from a boost in your depression meds. One psychiatrist took 2 years to get me on a combination that worked. What do you think? Worth a try? The last one they added was Sertraline, I think that’s Zoloft, because I was already on the max dose of my other depression med.

 

[Punky143]

You’re welcome Punky. I am on 2 antidepressants and 1 for anxiety plus as needed meds for when I get triggered. Maybe you could benefit from a boost in your depression meds. One psychiatrist took 2 years to get me on a combination that worked. What do you think? Worth a try? The last one they added was Sertraline, I think that’s Zoloft, because I was already on the max dose of my other depression med.

I'm on a mood stabilizer, prn for anxiety, antipsychotic and sleeping meds. I've been on a lot psychiatric drugs in the past and I didn't like the side effects and eventually I didn't need to be on them. Time went by and things were ok. Until they weren't. I'm disappointed that I have to take them but I also know they help me. I try a lot of other things to help me get through the day but lately my energy is down and I just want to sleep. I'm just exhausted with everything.

 

[PamelaS]

I'm on a mood stabilizer, prn for anxiety, antipsychotic and sleeping meds. I've been on a lot psychiatric drugs in the past and I didn't like the side effects and eventually I didn't need to be on them. Time went by and things were ok. Until they weren't. I'm disappointed that I have to take them but I also know they help me. I try a lot of other things to help me get through the day but lately my energy is down and I just want to sleep. I'm just exhausted with everything.

Punky 143,
You really do have a lot of loss hitting you all at the same time. I would be surprised if you weren’t struggling. Do you have a therapist who can guide you through this very hard season? Can you also check with your doctor to see if you can tweak any meds temporarily until you get through all of this. Would you be offended if I pray for you. I don’t like to offend people, but I actually have been miraculously healed of some stuff. I used to be in a wheelchair and I don’t need it anymore.
I want you to know that you are no longer alone. It may feel like your alone, but you have found a safe place here with all of us and we are all here to help one another. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. You really do have a reason to be struggling with everything at one time. After a while things will settle down and you will be doing better again.

 

[Friday]

Embarrassed because I'm 45 and still struggle

Because you’re not a psychopath? Reeeeeally? You think if someone is 90 they just don’t give a f*ck?!? Or 70? Or 50? Because you’re 45 you should be EMBARASSED to care for others??? Sure, because everyone else who is 45 is an unfeeling monster???

Hard pass.

You care. So you’re hurting.

At WHATEVER the f*ck age you are.

 

[PamelaS]

Because you’re not a psychopath? Reeeeeally? You think if someone is 90 they just don’t give a f*ck?!? Or 70? Or 50? Because you’re 45 you should be EMBARASSED to care for others??? Sure, because everyone else who is 45 is an unfeeling monster???

Hard pass.

You care. So you’re hurting.

At WHATEVER the f*ck age you are.

Hi Friday,
I have appreciated many of your posts. You have a lot of experience, knowledge and insight. But I think you are also triggered sometimes by what people are sharing here. When we get triggered sometimes we lash out at the person who triggered us. I’m sorry that you got triggered. We are here to support one another as we are all on a healing journey. I just finished watching a teaching on healing from trauma. I learned something new. You may already know this because of all of your experience and training. The speaker shared that our triggers actually reveal to us what needs to be healed. She is a licensed therapist. I don’t remember hearing that before. She talked about our first instinct is to run away from the triggers. But we actually receive healing when we work through the triggers to identify the pain points that need to be healed. Those of us who have been through A LOT OF TRAUMA have so many pain points that everything triggers us. For the last two years, I have been living in nonstop trigger mode. My body reacts with bodily ticks, energy, pulsing through my blood, all through my body from the fight and flight response, and I start shaking like a leaf and I can’t stop. It’s a full body involvement, not just a mental issue. I’m very very thankful to be here with all of you. I’m very very thankful to be walking along the same path with you in our search for healing. Thank you for the positive feedback that you have provided. I think that when you get triggered and you share something harsh, that may trigger someone else. That’s a domino effect in the wrong direction. Please think about what I said. If you get triggered and you react to me, I will still love you. I will still be here for you. But I may need to step away for a bit so that I don’t go into full body trigger mode. I hope you understand. I hope you care as much about me as I care about you. I hope you have the same desire to travel on that path to healing instead of staying stuck in the trauma. We can only take one step at a time. Especially those of us who have been through so much and such severe trauma. One baby step at a time. Take good care of yourself. Looking forward to hearing from you tomorrow. Happy dreams, my friend.

 

[Friday]

I’m sorry that you got triggered

That’s very kind of you. I was not triggered, however.

That the OP is embarrassed about still caring, at 45yo, as if only young people care? They don’t. Young. Middle aged. Old. People. Still care. Still give a f*ck. Still hurt. That’s not wrong. At WHATEVER age they are. 25, 45, 85. They care. And are hurting. That’s nothing to be embarassed about. At all.

I think that when you get triggered and you share something harsh, that may trigger someone else.

Talking about the fluffy kitten that made you smile today, may trigger someone else. Just because something brings you joy, doesn’t mean it doesn’t eviscerate someone else mentally/emotionally. There is literally no topic or subject on the planet which is immune from being able to trigger another person. Because? That’s how trauma works.

But I may need to step away for a bit so that I don’t go into full body trigger mode. I hope you understand.

Of course. No hard feelings, whatsoever, on my part. Take care of you, & do what you need to do, & we’ll look forward to your return.

 

[PamelaS]

That’s very kind of you. I was not triggered, however.

That the OP is embarrassed about still caring, at 45yo, as if only young people care? They don’t. Young. Middle aged. Old. People. Still care. Still give a f*ck. Still hurt. That’s not wrong. At WHATEVER age they are. 25, 45, 85. They care. And are hurting. That’s nothing to be embarassed about. At all.


Talking about the fluffy kitten that made you smile today, may trigger someone else. Just because something brings you joy, doesn’t mean it doesn’t eviscerate someone else mentally/emotionally. There is literally no topic or subject on the planet which is immune from being able to trigger another person. Because? That’s how trauma works.


Of course. No hard feelings, whatsoever, on my part. Take care of you, & do what you need to do, & we’ll look forward to your return.

Thank you Friday. I didn’t actually have to step away. I’m very thankful of that. I’m getting stronger. I’m tired of living in nonstop trigger mode 100% full blown body and mind. Maybe someday I’ll tell you my story. I respect yours. And I respect the knowledge and experience that you have. I have been learning recently, some of the things that you just mentioned. Like it doesn’t matter what someone says or does, it could be the kindest gentlest thing you could ever do, but it might still trigger someone. Especially if someone’s not in a good place. They don’t need to be reminded that they’re not in a good place. I’ve been there I know. So thanks for the dialogue. I’ll be seeing you around. Have a good day.

 

[Friday]

I’m getting stronger. I’m tired of living in nonstop trigger mode 100% full blown body and mind

If you haven’t? THIS >>> The ptsd cup explanation

 

[PamelaS]

If you haven’t? THIS >>> The ptsd cup explanation

I don’t know what that is